[confusedteen]

I don't know what to do.....Should I tell them or not?
So I have found a therapist that I think I want to try out and I've talked to two through e-mail and one says my parents have to know the other says they do not have to know so I am confused about that......
My dilemma here is if I should tell my parents or not...
in some ways I don't want to tell them even though I know I would have to lie about where I am at and go deliberately behind there back and I know that that would hurt there trust in me but I want to do it anyways.....
The other part of me says I should tell them because there my parents and I should be honest with them. They say they would support anything I want to do in my life but would they really support the idea and me physically going to therapy.....
I don't even know if I support myself going yet but I do want to go I just can't get myself to go. To be honest I'm scared and I'm afraid that it won't be accepted by my friends and my family. I am just so confused and don't know what to and I am just flat out frustrated. I don't even know how to put it into words.
So should I tell them or keep it a secret???
So much love
Morgan

[thunderbear]

Originally Posted by confusedteen

I don't know what to do.....Should I tell them or not?
So I have found a therapist that I think I want to try out and I've talked to two through e-mail and one says my parents have to know the other says they do not have to know so I am confused about that......
My dilemma here is if I should tell my parents or not...
in some ways I don't want to tell them even though I know I would have to lie about where I am at and go deliberately behind there back and I know that that would hurt there trust in me but I want to do it anyways.....
The other part of me says I should tell them because there my parents and I should be honest with them. They say they would support anything I want to do in my life but would they really support the idea and me physically going to therapy.....
I don't even know if I support myself going yet but I do want to go I just can't get myself to go. To be honest I'm scared and I'm afraid that it won't be accepted by my friends and my family. I am just so confused and don't know what to and I am just flat out frustrated. I don't even know how to put it into words.
So should I tell them or keep it a secret???
So much love
Morgan

Hi Morgan. I don't think it wold hurt to tell your parents. I know if one of my children were hurting enough to seek professional help on their own, I would support it all the way. As far as it being accepted by your friends you don't have to tell them you are seeing a therapist. Besides you would be suprised at how many teens ans young adults seek therapy. Do what you need to do to get better. I am sure your parents will support you. From what you have said they sound like they are very supporting parents anyway. Just sit them down and tell them o you are feleing. You would be suprised at their reaction. This is obviously something you need, so go for it

[Yoda]

Hugs to you.

I can't tell you what you "should" do but I will tell you what I would do in that situation -

It sounds as though your parents are pretty supportive so if I had that situation I would tell them I wanted to see a therapist. You don't have to explain in detail to your parents why unless that is something you want to talk about. If you are comfortable discussing your feelings with your parents then do it but if you are not comfortable tell them you would like to wait until you have had some counselling with your therapist because right now talking is uncomfortable. I don't know the situation so I am not certain.

There are some friends that I have told about seeing a therapist. Very few of them know why. If you have some close friends that would support you then perhaps you could talk to them. I am not a very trusting person so I like to keep my life private from nearly everybody but as I said, I am not you, so I can't really advise but only tell you what works for me.

Good luck and if you need to talk I have found this site better because there are people with similar problems that relate to me better than most people that I know where I live.

[tarabug922]

Hi Morgan,

It takes a lot of courage to seek help and I want to tell you I'm proud of you for having that courage. You're taking steps closer and closer to getting better and making things the way you truly want them. If others can't support that they're not worth the time of day. I think you're parents may be supportive and if they're not then you can still see the one therapist that says they don't have to know.

Just my thoughts.

Love and Hugs,
Tara

[Seabirdanne]

Absolutely. Tell the parents, but get the help you feel you need.

[VickiesPath]

Welcome, Morgan!

You are my hero! I really wish I had been as brave as you when I was a teen. Maybe I would have gotten a head start on everything and improved a lot faster!

No kidding. Here's to you, Morgan. You deserve to get the help you want.

Keep us posted.

[cloudyday]

Hi, Morgan,

I applaud you for reaching out and seeking counseling. I do not know how old you are only that you are a teen. As a counselor, I cannot see a minor without parental consent. I imagine it is the same in your state as it is in mine. You might be surprised at your parent's reaction to your willingness to seek therapy.

[confusedteen]

I want to thank everyone for the advice and eventually I do plan on telling my parents but I have to way that would make both parties involved feel comfortable and not completely awkward. My problem is I just don't trust them enough to tell what really goes on or even the smallest amount I can give just to talk to them about therapy. They haven't done anything major to hurt my trust its just that we don't talk about anything and I have my guard up and tall and thick walls built up that I don't want people to break. But by going to to therapy I am hoping that I can let those all come down and trust myself to know that it will be okay if I do and learn to trust everyone else to let them in to help because I know there here to help. But the what ifs scare me and run through my head all the time. I just don't know how to tell them and I don't know how to go behind there back well enough and go to therapy by myself. I just want to trust one person enough to really talk with them and really have a deep conversation with feelings and the truth but I don't know how to accomplish that. I know I am still young and I may not understand as much as others but just because I am younger does not mean that what they say still doesn't hurt. To me words hurt more than actually physically doing something. Right and for the past while being around my family is just a useless things right now because its just fighting and general conversation. you ask me if i'm ok and i just lie because i don't have the guts to tell you the truth. Honestly if this keeps going it will be the death of me. I know I have done stupid things in my life thus far by I am sorry and I do want to make my life better and learn how to make myself a better, stronger, and more confident person but I don't think I can be all of those things unless I seek help. But I can't tell all those things to my parents without them being completely and utterly shocked. I can hide things so well and I don't think they really have the slightest clue about what goes through my head.
I am confused, frustrated, angry, depressed, mad at myself all at the same time and I just want things to start changing because I know life can be better than this even though sometimes I don't want to believe it, I will always know in my heart that life can always be better than it is today because no matter the day or time there is always something you can do to improve your day and make yourself happier. All I need to do now is apply that more and learn how to talk to my parents but I have a feeling that could take a little while.
But I want to thank everyone again who took time a wrote a reply.
So much love
Morgan

[VickiesPath]

Hey, Morgan

My son is almost 16 and if he had something really heavy on his mind that was bothering him as much as you describe, I would really understand if he asked me to take him to a therapist. Teens don't really like to tell their parents stuff. Most parents know that. He would probably say something like, "you know, mom, I really love you and all but there's something I need to talk about and I don't feel like I can talk to you about it, nothing personal and all but I really need to talk to someone professional about it."

I trust him to make that judgment. This is just my opinion.

[confusedteen]

Originally Posted by Vickie in Phoenix

Hey, Morgan

My son is almost 16 and if he had something really heavy on his mind that was bothering him as much as you describe, I would really understand if he asked me to take him to a therapist. Teens don't really like to tell their parents stuff. Most parents know that. He would probably say something like, "you know, mom, I really love you and all but there's something I need to talk about and I don't feel like I can talk to you about it, nothing personal and all but I really need to talk to someone professional about it."

I trust him to make that judgment. This is just my opinion.

Thank you so much for being so supportive. I really do appreciate it so much. I just sent an e-mail to my schools psychologist and hopefully we'll talk sometime next week and I can start talking to him about everything and just get things off my chest and maybe learn how to talk to someone about my feelings. I hope that it will work out there and I can start talking to him on a regular basics just to let things go and start to move one with my life. I'm not sure if he would tell my parents so were just going to wait and see and if he wants to hopefully we can talk about the best way for me or maybe us to talk to them.
Thank you so much for the advice :-)
<3 <3 <3
Morgan
<3 <3 <3

[Christina86]

Dear Morgan - woah, what a major decision to have to make! Actually, more than one! To seek counselling or not, and to tell your parents or not!

First, I'm 23. I only started counselling when I got into my 2nd year of university. At that point, therapy is free (via your student fees!) and I didn't feel the need to tell my parents.

And then I did. And my family was like WHAT THE HECK!?!? You're not messed up!!

(and they were probably scared I was talking about them and they didn't like it)

So, I told my family once, and have made some comments (since then) that seem to hint that I'm still in counselling.

I figure it's my therapy, I can do what I want. But if you're close to your family (I'm not) THEN you probably do want to tell them. Because keeping a secret like that is pretty huge. Even moreso when you're still living at home with them.

I'm glad you've made a decision to seek counselling for yourself. Not enough people seek counselling until they're almost at their wits end, and that's not good.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

[Seabirdanne]

What you wrote on September 2 was so powerful. Have you considered printing that out and letting your parents read it?

[FooZe]

Originally Posted by confusedteen

I just want to trust one person enough to really talk with them and really have a deep conversation with feelings and the truth but I don't know how to accomplish that.

I think that's what a lot of people are looking for. Although you might luck out and find someone in your own age group to talk to, chances are that pretty nearly everyone you know is as afraid to open up to you as you are to open up to them (and as likely to step on your toes a bunch of times as you are to step on theirs). You'll probably need to proceed cautiously both with picking the right person and with sounding them out.

Therapists and counselors are trained to be good listeners (among other things), so that really may be the best place for you to start. After you've had some practice talking about emotionally-charged subjects with a professional, I'd expect you to be better able to approach friends in your own age group, to spot those that are ready for a serious conversation and those that aren't, to tell where the conversation is and isn't going, and to guide it in directions that'll work for both of you.

You could also get some practice here at PC if you wanted to. It's a little different from IRL, or offline, or whatever you want to call it, but we do have a lot of great people here.

Good luck, Morgan!