[kris9999]

I never once thought I had a "trigger" of all the horrific things that has happened to me in my past, nothing ever once triggered me. No talk of abuse, no talk of sexual abuse, nothing at all...

Until I was in the chat room today. Nothing serious happened just someone said "I smell smoke" and that hit me like a ton of bricks. All of a sudden I started having flash backs of middle school. Just from those three small words.

In middle school, probably the least of my torment, every time I would step into the halls everyone in the school would scream at me "I smell smoke!" because my mom smoked in the house. It really hurt me because it felt like the entire school was against me. Even my friends abandoned me once this little phrase got around, I couldn't blame them since I was a target...

But those three little words were never the worst of my problems, not even close. All of the horrific abuse I seemed to attract and all of my family problems were so much worse. Of course those words hurt, but not as much as the rest of the things happening to me.

So why is it that those three small words could impact me so much? Why is it that those three small words are the ONLY thing that could trigger me?

I didn't know where else to post this so I hope it's ok I posted it here. I'm trying to regain my composure right now and it appears to be difficult...

I just don't understand why something so trivial would impact me so greatly! This is frustrating beyond words and makes me feel like such a child, so useless.

I don't know why I'm posting this but I just needed to vent and can not turn to anyone here so I must turn to the forum.

[jerrymichele]

(((((((((((((((((((((((Kris))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[hurtingintn]

many to you kris...only explaination i could give is everyone is different..what triggers you might not phase someone else and vise versa..just remember we care and to breathe and take good care of yourself and protect yourself from triggers and other real life or online situations that effect you negatively

I sometimes think of triggers as opportunities. To the extent that they don't send me too far off base. Maybe this incident means that you are ready to process some of your past? And it makes sense that the first opening towards doing so would be something you describe as 'not the worst'. Our minds are brilliant at protecting us while trying to lead us towards health...
Just a couple of thoughts...

[kris9999]

I always remembered the tormenting me with "I smell smoke" but I didn't remember how bad it was until today. I thought it was just a few kids every day but I now remember stepping out of my class and having everyone turn because a large group of kids were waiting after class for me and they yelled it and than everyone turned to look at me, started laughing and started yelling it with them... I don't want to face any of my past, since it's much worse than that, and I can't even handle that!

[Junerain]

Your past may always haunt you, until you find a good therapist to truly address the pain your past is associated with...I have found this to be true in order to deal with my own, horrific, cruel past......just a thought...

[lily56]

Hi! It's not trivial. These things are so deeply rooted in our subconsciousnesses. I do hope you are feeling a little bit stronger today. It can be a good thing that you now recognize a 'trigger' and perhaps that is something you can work on and overcome,. Blessings.

[(JD)]

I agree, it isn't trivial. It also isn't horrible. That you are able to remember something probably means you are ready to recall whatever "trauma" is connected to those words. Prior to today, your psyche had "walled" off your experience completely.

I wouldn't push yourself to remember anything more though. Let the trigger and partial memory be enough for now. Stay safe.

Healing can be hard work.

[Seabirdanne]

I had that happen once. I think it wasn't necessarily those three words; I think you were ready to face some things (as someone else said) and that something would have triggered it sooner or later. It's just unfortunate that it had to be something that so perfectly brought back bad memories. I hope you're feeling better.

[Miracle1986]

(((Kris)))

[Pup]

If something has happened, then that something will be a trigger for you, whether it is some words, an image, a situation, etc.

[possum220]

I find that most of my triggers are little things. They are sneaky and blow up in my face. The cause and affect senario is way out of balance. So after i have calmed down, i can normally find a link in my mind somewhere.

Kids can be cruel. Try and be gentle with yourself now.