[VickiesPath]

I just talked with my son tonight. Some of you may know he is living with his father, attending high school in Kansas. It is a medium size town, around 50k people. His half-sister's husband is an English teacher at the high school he attends.

Last school year, one of his brother-in-law's students was displaying some signs of being depressed and his school work was also suffering. The teacher knew these signs. The teachers had no formal instructions on what to do if they noticed this kind of thing going on with a student. So, the teacher took it upon himself to call the student's parents and tell them that the student's work was suffering but he was more concerned about the student's behavior and he thought that they should have him evaluated.

When school started this year, my son and his brother-in-law learned that over the summer, the student committed suicide. They both were stunned. My son was not friends with this student but he knew who he was and he had never known someone who had taken their own life. The teacher was devastated. The school has now (of course) developed policies on what to do in cases like this when a teacher notices specific behaviors. Too little, too late.

I am horrified by this, I can't sleep. I lived in that town for 16 years. I don't understand how they could not have appropriate response plans in place. It simply doesn't make sense. Why did they think it wouldn't happen there?

over a year ago one of my classmates took his own life and he didn't even show signs of being depressed... but indeed too little too late....I'm not really shocked...or disturbed... though I find it sad that he could not be helped in time and have sympathy for those involved.

[paddym22]

Vickie I am so sorry for this distress. Years ago after a bate of suicides in my school there was a sucidie prevention officer put in place and he was very effective we couldl go to him with all our problems thus not making mountins out of mole hills.

MY sincrere sympathy

Paddy

[Rmdctc]

I am sorry this happened. Though I am happy that now they have a plan so no other child has to suffer or take their life.

[AAAAA]

I think once again it's one of those things that happen as a result of being too PC. Back in the day when there was an issue that a teacher witnessed the complaint was taken seriously and the teacher's observations were enough. Now the teachers are stuck between a rock and a hard place, legally they must keep their opinions to themselves in most cases... even in specific education related topics where they are trained.

I hope the new plans are helpful. We live in a relatively small community, about 1000 full time residents but we're also extremely diverse in culture and religious beliefs. I don't know what a guidance councelor could actually do here other than contact the student's parents. If the parents are unwilling to see what is going on, the school's hands are tied.

[gimmeice]

((((((((((((((( Vickie in Phoenix )))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry that you and your family are feeling distressed, hopefully the new plans at the school will help some students.

[Pup]

A good friend of mine killed himself... It was hard... but you can all get through it. Time is a healer. Take it a day at a time. All of you.

Take care.

[Elysium]

(((((Vickie)))))

I want to respond, but this just hits to close to home on a couple counts, so just know that I can understand your feelings and thoughts. I just can't say much more right now.

Maybe later.....

http://www.yellowribbon.ca/about.html

This is a neat program we have here in our schools. Basically they pass out yellow ribbons, and if you are considering SU, then you just take your yellow ribbon and pass it to someone who can help. You dont even have to say anything.. just pass the ribbon and they will try to help. It HAS saved people. Perhaps you could show your son and he could pass the idea along.

[VickiesPath]

Anything you could send me explaining the yellow ribbon program I would happily give to him to give to his brother-in-law, Rainbowzz. I just think this is such a tragedy. I know that the administration in that town thought that the kids were so far removed from that kind of pressure/pain/desperation.......it shows that the mental health people weren't doing their job as far as education and community outreach.

Thanks Rainbowzz. If you have anything, I'll send you my email via PM.


Sorry, I just realized the link goes there..............duh.

[Trying & Caring]

Vickie: I am so sorry to hear about this tragedy. But part of the thing is that sometimes you cannot predict that the young person would do this kind of thing. I had my 1st suicide attempt at 15 & I don't believe I gave any signs other than I had a very dysfunctional family life (& I was drinking a lot to try to blot out my emotions).

Recently co-worker's grandson (19) committed suicide recently & I gave her booklet that had lots of resources but now I don't know where the heck it was poublished! Some people came to speak to out support group & handed them out. My mother also committede suicide so I guess I have it from both angles. It is truly devastating to those left...

Take care...

[Michah]

Hi Vicki,

Ahhhh such grief.......I have also had people take their own lives close to me......my sons father, for one.......

But the young ones makes it neigh impossible to comprehend.....

I like that you can speak so openly about your feelings and the feelings for your son in this matter.......

Maybe some of the removal of stigma of suicidal ideation will go a long way in helping people voice their distress.

It will happen........oneday. And we will talk of it instead of society being so frightened of it.......it certainly added to my isolation at a time......that I was too scared to talk of it.....

Take good care of you babe.......and your boy.......and grieve......and it will pass.

Much peace and stillness coming your way, sweet.

Big Hugs,

Michah

[Hunny]

((((((((((( Vickie )))))))))))

Friend, do you need to talk to your son? It seems that if you are able to, it may be of help to both of you.


H












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[VickiesPath]

Thank you to each of you for your kind words. I talked to my son and gave him the link that you supplied, Rainbowzz. He was grateful. I'm not sure where it will go from here. I will need to talk to him later and find out more information about what the school is doing. I think that the hardest part of it for me is not only that it is another senseless death from mental illness but that it is a senseless death of a child, a child who no one listened to. But as Trying and Caring pointed out, maybe he didn't really talk to anyone about it. But I don't understand how a parent can be so removed from their child. I guess we don't know the situation.

I am becoming involved with doing some volunteer presenting for the National Alliance on Mental Illness. One of the programs they do is sending teams of four people into the public schools to train teachers and counselors to recognize the symptoms of mental illness in children. I have a degree in education. The person I interviewed with seemed to think I might be suitable for that program. Perhaps that would be the place for me.

Thank you to each of you for your support. It means a lot to me.

[Fox]

That is really horrible. I'm glad there's a plan now, but it's sad that someone had to die for it to be put into place. I hope that more schools gain awareness especially in these days where things are getting darker and there's less hope in the world. A lot of times people want help they want the suffering to end but they don't have the resources to get that help. Awareness and being directed to where they can get help is fundamental to our mental health which affects our physical health. I hope though that this has given your family something to think about. Does your son know who he can go to if life overwhelms him or is depressed? These are good things to discuss with him now before being in crisis. Continue to reassure him since whenever something like this happens it affects everyone not just their close friends. I hope that you and your family recover safely from this shockwave that went through your lives.

Originally Posted by Vickie in Phoenix

Thank you to each of you for your kind words. I talked to my son and gave him the link that you supplied, Rainbowzz. He was grateful. I'm not sure where it will go from here. I will need to talk to him later and find out more information about what the school is doing. I think that the hardest part of it for me is not only that it is another senseless death from mental illness but that it is a senseless death of a child, a child who no one listened to. But as Trying and Caring pointed out, maybe he didn't really talk to anyone about it. But I don't understand how a parent can be so removed from their child. I guess we don't know the situation.

I am becoming involved with doing some volunteer presenting for the National Alliance on Mental Illness. One of the programs they do is sending teams of four people into the public schools to train teachers and counselors to recognize the symptoms of mental illness in children. I have a degree in education. The person I interviewed with seemed to think I might be suitable for that program. Perhaps that would be the place for me.

Thank you to each of you for your support. It means a lot to me.

(((((((((Vickie)))))))))))))))))))))))))) I have to say sometimes its not the parents who are removed from it. Back when my son was young. And they "the school" thought he was too young for that kind of thing. When he , my son told me his intent and thank you god for that. I took him to the school . I had just picked him up from there. At the time I was so shocked thats why i went back there, Almost all schools have pycogists. ((spelled wrong)) any ways they said no biggy. Kids his age do not mean it.
I was amazed. Because even at that young age he meant it......My Dr was floored.
Schools and parent need to be taught imo. Drs too for that matter. Some....
I think with anyone in life when they make a total change and i mean not for good. That is a red flag.
Sometimes ppl are so quiet about it , that no one knows but that person.
Im so sorry or your loss. Its one of the hardest things in life . A young person taking thier life.
A after thought.....If ppl in the world could slow down alittle and listen more carefully like your brother inlaw did ., It would help so much.
On the other side I had a customer who was a Dect. who thats all he did was show up at the sence for these things. He told me once its one of the hardest things. Because some ppl keep it so silent. They may only give off one clue. Sometimes none.........
My heart goes out to you and your son.

[KathyM]

Vickie

I'm sorry for your son, his classmates, and boy who couldn't take it anymore - whatever "it" was.

I think it's extremely difficult to decipher where the breaking point is in a child, or any person for that matter. You can blame it on the parents, blame it on the teachers, blame it on the system, or even blame it on the kid - but with suicide, one size/one rule doesn't always fit all. Some will always slip through the cracks. Some will decide they really have had enough, and there's nothing anyone can do to prevent them from acting on their decision.

My son has had a couple of friends take their own life. One seemed particularly happy that day. He was out with his friends. As they ran across a railroad track with a train coming, the boy just stood there on the tracks, smiled and waved to his friends, and said "See you on the other side." NO ONE had ANY idea this boy was in need of help or why he did what he did.

I hope your son and his classmates will be able to heal from this wound.

[eskielover]

It is hard to imagine looking back at the time I was a child that there was anything that bad in a child's life that could make them want to end their life.

Looking at the world around us today, I can't say that anymore....also looking at all the hidden things in peoples childhoods, I also can no longer say that either.

Just think of how many children are placed in situations where they are forced "not to tell or......." Where is a child even supposed to turn in situations like that. Obviously NOT the parents as they may be the ones telling them that. I can't imagine how children who have been threatened to "not tell" & feel they have no possible place to turn even when they do can possibly survive a world like that. We don't think that things like that can happen in a small town....there are so many things that happen in this world that we "can't imagine happening". Unfortunately, when children end their lives, it ends up being a glimpse that something bad was going on in the world around them but the chances are that no one will come out with the truth & it will usually stay hidden forever.

Even with programs set up in a school to prevent things like this from happening, it may only help a few (which is a good thing) but it will not catch all. There are all too many who end up at the point & nothing will make a difference no matter who is there to talk with them. The ones who give an indication are the ones who can be helped as they are usually the ones that would rather not end their lives.....but the silent ones.....the ones who decide & nothing could possibly change their mind anyway, we can't expect to catch everyone with a problem.

It is so sad that anyone gets to that place in their life especially when it's a child with the rest of their life ahead of them that we know can turn out good but they can't see it, or in some cases refuse to see it no matter what anyone says.

Sadly, I felt that way as an adult for several years.....I was just blessed that my attempts were not successful. I said nothing to anyone & nothing anyone said would have or did made a difference in how I felt.....& there were several times when no one could understand how I even survived. Strange how life works we are not always in control of even ourselves & it turned out years later that I was the only one who was there to protect my Mother when she was alone & dying of cancer. The things we can't see in the future when we think we have no further purpose.

It is important to put help out there for those that it will help, but it's an unreasonable expectation to believe that is will help every case...we do what we can to help as many as we can & that is the best goal we can have.

I hope that your son & his brother-in-law & all the children at the school will be able to sort through & come to some peace with what happened. I know that just trying to do something positive to try & make a difference in the future is meaningful & important in healing. If you can take some time to have a serious talk with your son about suicide also, I am sure that will be a help also. Your support & a place for him to discuss with someone familiar with mental health issues is also important as you are probably more sensitive than others to give him comfort.

My heart goes out to all who have been touched by this sadness

[bipolardisordermom]

That's so terrible. I'm so sorry.