[confusedteen]

I need to vent it's been a really bad weekend and a really bad day. I can't do it anymore. I have lost the will to want to live. I'm sick of the fighting and the yelling about everything. I can't have a relationship with someone that hates me.

My mom went on a 3 week break from life (vacation) in order to escape my house and all the drama that goes with it and things were so bad between us when she left and we had a huge fight the weekend that she left and didn't talk for three weeks and now that's she been home almost a week things are worse than ever and I can't do it anymore. I don't know how to make her like me and just happy and proud of me instead of questioning and yelling at every last little thing that I do in this world.

This weekend she freaked out about everything...down to the conditioner I use in my hair and I can't keep fighting about stupid crap. All her threats are getting old to. She freaked out because she I asked what I needed from the grocery store and I said pretzels and she like you can't survive on pretzels because that's what I eat during the day and that's usually it and now she's threatening to take me to a doctor and I don't even understand why.

Then she threatened to take control of my bank account and technically she can do that but it's not the right thing to do because it's the money I make for work. She always thinks I have an attitude and I'm really not trying to but sometimes it just comes off that way. I never get to say anything either. She just yells and yells and yells and never lets me say my part of the situation and it just makes me so mad.

I just want her to listen and realize that I am struggling so bad emotionally and I am loosing my mind. She doesn't even seam to care what happens to me when all she does is yell at me. Its killing me and now I do anything just to survive another day. I don't even see the point of living this way because there is no happiness. There is so much stress built up after years of living this way that one day I'm just gonna break and I don't want to hit that rock bottom. I want to fix this before things get that bad. I don't things need to get that far.

Lately I've started doing things I know I shouldn't to survive through the day but it makes things numb basically. This past weekend I took 20 Motrin over the course of two day and let me tell you things just went numb and I know that's not a good way to deal with your problems but it's so much easier because I can't talk to someone that hates me.

There's no relationship there. It's not even a hate hate relationship because it has the word relationship in the phrase. The word relationship does not even exist when you talk about the two of and us still have cupple years till I go to college so I trapped in this situation for a about two years roughly.

What should I do now because I've tried being the bigger person and just not saying anything and just avoid her but then I get yelled at for that. Then I've tried just staying in my room and I get yelled at for that because that means I'm isolating myself. I've tried writing the letters and I can't give it to her because I don't trust her at all to put my heart and sole on the line just to be yelled at for it.
Any Ideas?
Sorry I know it's long I just don't know where else I can turn...:/
Morgan

[Yoda]

What other people do you have in your life that can support you? Dad, grandparents, siblings, friends, ... ? Is there any chance you could move out? You can't change your mom but you can learn how to change yourself.

[Junerain]

Do you have other friends/relatives where you can stay? A school guidance counselor/youth center to discuss everything with?

[confusedteen]

I could try and see if I could stay with my best friend but I think that would cause more problems......
I feel like my friends support me but friend support can only go so far but my best friend is my world and I like talking to her mom so maybe her mom can help me....
My dad always takes my moms side so theres no winning there.....

[susan888]

(((Morgan)))
You need to be honest with your mother and father..Print this off and leave it for them to read when you are not home. You are sparing her feelings (she is the adult) and neglecting your own. You need some IRL support....You are in my thoughts and I am so sorry that your situation hasn't improved...Please find an adult IRL to confide in.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope that someone you feel you can trust IRL comes into your life.

Wishing you comfort and security....

Love,

Susan

[confusedteen]

Originally Posted by susan888

(((Morgan)))
You need to be honest with your mother and father..Print this off and leave it for them to read when you are not home. You are sparing her feelings (she is the adult) and neglecting your own. You need some IRL support....You are in my thoughts and I am so sorry that your situation hasn't improved...Please find an adult IRL to confide in.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope that someone you feel you can trust IRL comes into your life.

Wishing you comfort and security....

Love,

Susan

I can't leave it for them...I'm not ready to handle the after effects.....
but you will be happy to know that I have talked to my school psychologist and I plan on talking to him on thursday when we go back to school on Thursday. That's my only source to talk to someone face to face but I'm afraid of admitting to him that I do use motrin as a way to numb things because those are the things he's like required to tell parents but maybe telling him that and having that happen will start the healing process and maybe things can start to get better rather than worse and better than the feeling that I don't want to live anymore...
Thank you so much for caring it means so much....
Lots of love
Morgan

[susan888]

Morgan,

I'm very proud of you for having the courage to talk to your school psychologist!! That is wonderful and I think you need to be honest. You are right in thinking that with that intervention the healing might follow! Morgan..you are wise beyond your years!

Much love,
Susan

[AmaShel567]

Originally Posted by confusedteen

I can't leave it for them...I'm not ready to handle the after effects.....
but you will be happy to know that I have talked to my school psychologist and I plan on talking to him on thursday when we go back to school on Thursday. That's my only source to talk to someone face to face but I'm afraid of admitting to him that I do use motrin as a way to numb things because those are the things he's like required to tell parents but maybe telling him that and having that happen will start the healing process and maybe things can start to get better rather than worse and better than the feeling that I don't want to live anymore...
Thank you so much for caring it means so much....
Lots of love
Morgan

I think you should write a whole new letter telling your parents how you are feeling, but in a way that you would say it to thier faces. I like the idea of leaving it out for them to read when you're not at home, but maybe it's not a good idea to throw it all out there like you would when you're venting. Instead of putting in the stuff about the motrin, just say something to the affect of you are feeling overwelmed and are dealing with it very badly. I don't know if it will work or not, but maybe it will help, even if only to open up the communication lines between you and your mom and dad.

[Elysium]

Morgan,

I'm proud of you for making an appointment to meet with you school guidance councilor. That shows commitment to healing..and when you're young and feeling trapped, that can be a very difficult thing to hold on to.

I really want you to stop abusing the Motrin. I realize it numbs things out for you but it is only a quick fix with long term damaging consequences. Motrin is very hard on the kidneys and can cause kidney damage and failure.

You mentioned your Mom being concerned about your eating habits. Does she have a need to be concerned? And be honest. Are you having symptoms of an eating disorder, or are you just not eating as healthy as you could be? A lot of people snack on pretzels or nuts throughout the day so I don't see how she could come to the conclusion that you need to see a Dr. by that.

But.....would it be so bad if she took you to a Dr? If she made you see a Dr., you could ask to speak with the Dr. alone and could have an opportunity to share about what you are going through. You would have a chance to discuss your feelings of not wanting to live, how your Mom is constantly yelling at you and also the other issues that have been going on with her. Dr's are mandated reporters, which means if you tell them about abuse or neglect going on in your household they are legally mandated to report it to proper authorities, and they may be able to advocate for you to get into therapy to help you cope with these issues until you can move out.

So, yeah...no one really wants to have to go see a Dr...but this person could become an ali.

Hang in there...and keep posting. We all support you and we are all here for you!!!

[Rmdctc]

I am sorry you had a horrible weekend/day. I know its hard to be a teenager and not get along with your parents because you can feel helpless. I'm glad your talking to your school counselor though and I help they can help you through this.

[VickiesPath]

Good job, Morgan!!! You made a very good decision to talk to your school psychologist. That shows a lot of maturity and self-care on your part.

Elysium is right about the Motrin. Not good for your kidneys or liver. And pills of any kind are never a good answer unless they are prescribed by a doctor for a specific condition and taken exactly like they are prescribed. Over the counter stuff can be dangerous!

I remember really, really bad times with my mom. We didn't have school psychologists then.

I know you are trying so hard to communicate with your mom and she just doesn't understand everything you are going through. What would really help would be if you and your mom could learn a different way to communicate or different words to use. The school psychologist might be able to help with that.

One thing that helped my son and I was that whenever I asked him what he wanted at the grocery store, he told me things like cheese bites, and frozen individual cheese pizzas, stuff like that because he is vegetarian. He also would have me buy eggs and hard boil them and have them cold in the fridge so he could snack on them. Stuff with protein. Sometimes he would come up with new stuff because he hung out with kids at school who were vegetarian, too, and they would talk about new things at the grocery store that I didn't know about. So he would tell me to look for it.

I think your mom really wants to have good, healthy food for you but wants it to be something that you like, too. Good self-care also includes healthy eating.

I know you are having a really crappy time right now. I hope things get better for you, Morgan. Just remember, you are the only Morgan you have. We care about you. You are the only Morgan WE have, too!!!