Newish here and needing support... (long story)

Hi! I am a 36 year old mom who has had suffered from depression (diagnosed with dysthymia at age 11) and anxiety and ADD my whole life. Usually I am juggling one of my conditions at any given time but I'm relatively used to it. I take Adderral XR for the ADD, Sertraline for depression and Buspar for anxiety. I see my psychologist 2Xs a month and have a super supportive husband (who does not have mental illness) and relatively supportive family. My brother has ADHD and depression and I suspect my 11 year old daughter does too. I am a huge nerd and have read soo much about mental disorders and drug and talk therapy as a result of that. My issue right now is my best friend. My best friend is 25 and has kinda been my sister in all this stuff for the last few years. She has suffered from bad depression and anxiety for years. She has been my close support group because as we all know, its easier for people who have been there to really understand what we go through. She has a tendency to self-medicate with pot which I've never been happy about but?? I'm also close with her sister who, like my husband is not MI. We work together and about 5 days ago a few of the people in her inner circle got a rambling text about how she "had an epiphany" and her depressions gone etc. In the next few days it just got worse. At first I suspected more drugs and her sister called me to see what I thought. We went back and forth the next 24 hours trying to figure it out when as I was getting ready to work with her Sis sent me a text saying BF hadn't slept the night before. Thats when I thought Bipolar! She goes through terrible depressive periods and now this. She comes into work and it was worse. She was rambling about how she's figured it all out and its about God and gender and race are the same and on and on. The people who didn't know her well I'm sure thought she was on serious drugs. She told me she loved me at least 10 times as she walked into our shop. It was very hard for me seeing her that way- I've never been around anyone who was manic. Apparently it got even worse yesterday. So her family takes her to the intake facility and they diagnose her as bipolar and send her back home with no meds and tell her to see her dr. Her parents don't want anyone to know- including me- but her Sis was texting me. Last I heard, last night they were back at a different hospital cause she got even worse. My issue is I feel so helpless and I want to be there for her (she once sat for 5 hours with me at a mental health intake place) but her parents are being closed off about it. I can understand its their choice and I really can't help nor change anything. I just feel its triggering all sorts of uncomfortable restlesness and anxiety in me because of that. I guess my problem is, how can I be there for her from afar without sending myself into my own mental health tailspin like I feel is brewing? I see my dr on Tuesday, btw. Sorry this was so long, but thanks for reading it.

kerbear1973,

I can understand the anxiety your friend's behavior and parents are stirring up within yourself. I am shocked that the hospital released your friend in that condition, with directions to simply make an appointment with a doctor .

Legally, your friend's parents don't really have the right to demand that you stay away from their daughter. If you and she share a deep bond of trust (and if she has a lot of discomfort around others), I might recommend that you be with her in less intense moments to reassure her that you do care.

If that is too uncomfortable for you to do right now, send her a card. Call her regularly to ask how she is. Listen to what is happening, how she's adjusting, and then determine how you might help her without hurting yourself. What do the "sane" people in your life recommend? Do they think that you should back off, or push yourself to be there for your friend? Is there a middle road that they see?

I wish you the best & hope that things improve soon. Take care!

Shez

A question, kerbear1973: If your friend is not getting help for the bipolar, what could you do to help her even if you were allowed to see her? If the answer is little or nothing, than perhaps you need to put the guilt away?

If calling your friend's parents to ask how your friend is doing would make a difference to you, my thought is to go ahead. They may not object if you talk to your friend. If nothing else you could use the knowledge you have gained about bipolar to urge them to get your friend into treatment.

What seems pertinent to me is that you do not allow your friend's misfortune to vitiate the work you have done to make a better life for yourself.

Good luck.

Thanks for your insight. I've been trying to keep myself busy with my kids and post-Thanksgiving shopping. I haven't heard anything from her sister and I've just decided to back off for right now. I really don't want to push myself on them though it is hard because I consider her family (my kids call her Aunt and she and sis were bridesmaids at my wedding earlier in the year along with being at every family bday party the last 3 years). It hurts that I do feel shut out but our other best friend dosen't even know that shes sick (I was told not to tell her or anyone). I had to lie to her earlier when she asked about them. I just keep thinking that if I get depressed or badly anxious it will be even worse for those around me and her when I can contact her. My husband is at work till tomorrow. Everything is a bit easier when hes around. Not knowing whats going on just sucks Thanks for listening.

Give it a few days then try to call to see how everything is. Right now it's probably best to give your friend and her family a little space so she can adjust and settle/calm and her family needs time to digest everything. Once the situation calms down a little and your friend starts seeing someone/gets put on a medication it will probably be a better time to get involved.