Members leaving.

I am a moderator on a large poetry forum and co-admin on another and we have to let people know why a post is moved or deleted as part of their rules. It is only polite in my honest opinion and shouldn't we have a right to know why our opinion/post is being deleted? Ophelia xx

I understand the need to remove undesirable and inappropriate posts, but it can be very painful - especially if the part removed was your main point, or a deep thorn that needed removing. It only drives the thorn in deeper.

No matter how you broach it, some subjects are highly charged and effects everyone. Suicide is one that is particularly explosive. It would be nice if the moderators could understand sometimes we need to step out of the box in order to breathe. Sometimes we have to color outside of the white lines drawn for us.

My mother threatened suicide on a daily basis - she attempted suicide often. Dad was too busy traveling for work, my sister too busy with her activities. I was always the one who had to find help and clean up the mess. I wasn't allowed to speak of my fears - I wasn't allowed to cry.

Timing is everything.

Third Grade: I went to school one day worried sick about mom. She had gone off on one of her tangents the night before and promised to kill herself the next day..."just you wait and see!!!" were her last words to me that night.

I walked into class all disheveled - hadn't slept, even forgot to button up my dress. My teacher gave me a dirty look and spit out - "What's the MATTER with you!" I told her I was afraid my mom was going to die. She burst out laughing and said "What do YOU know about DEATH little girl!" Then she laughed some more and went back to her desk.

Later in the day, she caught me staring at the clock. She banged down her stick, screamed out my name, and warned me every second that goes by is a second closer to my death - then forced me to stay late after school. She didn't know I was trying to prepare myself for the grisly scene I might have to clean up when I got home from school. My teacher didn't know it was MY job to keep her alive while dad was off at work trying to keep a roof over our heads.

From that point on, throughout grade school, I kept my distance from school, teachers, and people of authority. No one could help me. Some tried, but they only dressed me up like a puppet, stuffed food down my throat, or read to me from books. I didn't have time for beauty pageants, talking rabbits and jolly old fat men. Even THEY knew it wouldn't help me or keep my mother alive - what they didn't know was it made my entire family feel even worse.

That was just school. It was even worse in church and out in the streets. The only people who could help me had no time for me. They were too busy burying their heads in books, TV screens, playing games, and medicating themselves into oblivion.

Where should a little girl like that go? To whom should she turn to for help?

Just thought I'd throw that out there - I wasn't trying to spit. Hope it doesn't need cleaning up.

Posts on this thread about posts being deleted are off-topic from the OP's topic of members leaving here. I would kindly ask you respect the OP and keep on-topic for this thread.

If you want specific answers to specific community administrative issues, I suggest you PM me about the issue privately, or discuss this issue separately in a new thread someone can create in the community feedback forum.

Thank you,
DocJohn

Everything is for your own good.

Good morning Doc

It took a lot of pain and courage for me to write my post above. If my post is inappropriate, where should it be moved? Who will respond to my post? What will they say to me?

Hmmmmmm Bit of a problem with that Doc, I did join a thread which was discussing deleted posts and guess what ....

Mine was deleted !

Going back to Peg's topic, I can understand many folks who grieve when someone leaves but I can also see how a person can feel bad when someone leaves if they had the need to save them (because they need to feel needed). I can see this as a boundary issue where one person's needs are entwined in what another person does. If a person can see this and untangle themselves from what another person chooses to do this could stop some grief...........

I purposefully have good boundaries here and focus on not allowing my stuff to get tangled up with anyone else's stuff. When boundaries get enmeshed it does hurt the other person too because they feel this boundary violation and to them it feels like the other person is trying to control them. It can make their issue that they are struggling with seem even messier if someone else gets too involved in their issue.

Sannah, you always are so wise!!

Okay - you got me.

If this is a thread about members leaving in general....

If a young woman (or man) shows up here and she's terrified about members leaving her world - who will respond to her, who will support her, who will nurture her back to health, and if not here - where? Will she be reprimanded, told to go away and call someone else, or told to jump in a lake? Or will she simply be ignored?

((((((((((((KathyM))))))))))))))

I'm just coming to this thread, due to the fact that I'm not around as much as I used to be. I've been here 6 years and have seen many ppl come and go, and some come and go a few times. It does affect the site, and me, even when it's a good choice by the member!

For me personally, I haven't been around as much. I try to continue to return here because I know so many members are encouraged by seeing me on and some even like what I say! I feel for those who felt they had to just pull up the rug and leave. I hope they are reading and will try to return, even if it's under a different member name.

Anyone that would like to tell me something may do so at my blog. All comments are moderated and are not posted unless I allow them to be. (So they are private.)

((((((((((( KathyM ))))))))))))

I feel the same way you do Pegasus. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us.

Umm... well, I guess I truly care about people and I truly care about PC and want what is best for members and what is best for PC. I personally see nothing wrong in that. I'm not a robot nor am I ruled by my feelings and I'm certainly not controlling. Just wanting what is best for each particular situation.

I have found through experience that it is better to sort out problems, get dialogue going, get it out in the open rather than people feeling that the only solution is to leave.

Thank you for all the replies on this thread.

Very good point, AAAAA.

I agree Pegasus...we're human and have feelings that are spontaneous, not robotic or over thought. I think we simply feel for humanity nothing more, no unmet needs of our own...no ulterior motives...

I don't know what to say. But since I was complaining about views and replies I thought I'd leave you all a hug

I agree. I think, though, that censorship, which does take place here, for whatever reason, reminds some people such as myself of childhood too, too much. It acts as a trigger, and running is one of the options for dealing with those.

((((((((((((((((Pachy))))))))))))

(((((((((((((( Pachy ))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((Fuzzybear)))))))))))))))

Hi Pegasus
(probably don't remember me-- "mandyfins"-- mermaid)
anyway, I understand how hard it is to cope with familiar "faces" going away because their upset/sadness is more than they can handle. It's hard to feel "left behind" or like a small empty hole is left with you.
I left two years ago. I was here from 2005-to the beginning of 2008. I had to leave, it was more than I could cope with. (I hope this time around I can cope with things better... hoping... hoping)
but.... you know what..... I came back.... maybe many of those, that you grew to feel comfortable with, will someday return-- like I did.
I wish that to be true for you.

best to you
purple_fins (I'm a seal now)

Oh! It is good to see you! I really do like it when people come back!

Hugs to you!

For me, whether it's because of my Borderline Personality Disorder or what, it really, really hurts when someone in my life leaves me. I don't handle rejection at well -- it tears me up. I always feel like whatever has happened was caused by me somehow or another, and I honestly just don't have the tools to deal with it. No matter if they are "Real Life" friends or my "online buddies", it hurts just the same. It just seems like life is filled with one rejection after another for me, and it just seems to get harder to cope with each and every year.