My obnoxious personality

Hi. I'm new to this forum. I need some help. I haven't ever been diagnosed with a mental illness, but have been told by many people that I'm very obnoxious. In fact, one of my "friends" nicknamed me Captain Obnoxious behind my back a few years ago. I will admit, I'm obnoxious. I talk about myself all the time, I complain, I say stupid things, I'm rude, I'm annoying, I can't stop talking. It's even worse when I drink. People don't like me. I don't want to be this way anymore. This makes me sad. I want to make and keep friends, have a love life, etc.

My question is, does anyone here know of any GOOD self-help book for this problem? I don't have the money or the insurance to afford a good therapist. I'd like to try some work on this on my own anyway.

Thanks for any advice you can give.

Main Entry: ob·nox·ious
Pronunciation: \äb-ˈnäk-shəs, əb-\
Function: adjective
Etymology: Latin obnoxius, from ob in the way of, exposed to + noxa harm — more at noxious
Date: 1597
1 archaic : exposed to something unpleasant or harmful —used with to
2 archaic : deserving of censure
3 : odiously or disgustingly objectionable : highly offensive
— ob·nox·ious·ly adverb
— ob·nox·ious·ness noun

Whenever someone is talking about a specific quality or trait, I always like to look at the traditional definition of the term and compare it to the way in which it is being applied socially. If we do that in this instance, we see that you are being described as highly offensive, deserving of censure, unpleasant and/or harmful.

I'm not sure I agree with all of those in application but I might go along with, say, highly offensive and maybe unpleasant.

Please know that none of us here on this forum (well there are some but they do not give professional advice) are mental health professionals so everything we say here is our own personal opinions and usually come from experience.

I can tell you from my own experience and from knowing my husband, who at times I would describe as obnoxious, that you simply may be experiencing feelings of loneliness that you are not aware of being as strong as they actually are. My husband loves to talk and share information and stories with people but he is not a "social" person. I know that doesn't make sense but what I mean is, he loves people but doesn't necessarily have the social means to meet them. When he does meet people, he talks so much about himself in an effort for them to know him that he bores them to death. And, he wants to sit and talk, not play cards or pool or some other distraction but just talk. To other people, that is boring. I have suggested to him that he should learn the art of "engaging" people by asking about them and finding out about their lives. This is the secret to forming social relationships. It is very difficult when one is starved for attention or affection to focus on the other person and not on our own hunger for human companionship.

What I would suggest to you is this: take a look at your own neediness; how much true caring you are currently getting from anyone in your life (including parents); what is it that is missing in your life that you are expecting others to fill up and are desperate to have that happen, even to the point of being rude and annoying to find it; is there something from your past that you haven't thought about in years or perhaps have buried that you are trying to make up for or prove to yourself is not true?

There are a zillion self-help books out there on Barnes & Noble's shelves that will help you with these types of subjects. The problem is, you gotta know where to start. I hope some of this might help a little.

Best of luck.

Hello, captain. At the top of this page is a Resource tab. Click on it to see what resources are available to help you learn more about what you are dealing with. Good luck.

Captain, meet the Emperor. Just kidding, I hope neither one of us are that bad!

I p*ss someone off, intentionally or unintentionally, just about every day. I admit that sometimes I do it for fun, if I am really tired of the other person's attitude. A lot of times, I'll offend someone just to get them to get away from me because I don't like something about them. Most of the time I'm just clueless. And everyone's hypersensitive these days anyway.

But I get paranoid and start thinking that I'm obnoxious to everyone. My therapist points out that I tend to forget about the ones who really like me, because I worry too much about the ones who don't. And you know what? The people who find me to be the most obnoxious are people I wouldn't like anyway!

And there are people who do "get" me, or at least like me enough to tolerate me at times! Bet there are for you too.

Maybe you'll always be annoying to the herd! Instead of conforming to them, maybe consider finding your niche amongst other social misfits. They tend to be the only ones worth knowing anyway, as far as I'm concerned!

I've made peace with the fact that not everyone gets me. Just Like I don't get a lot of people. To hell with 'em, and all those "self help" books that say how to walk on eggshells around them! Be yourself, Captain O. There's a lot of other Misfit Toys out here that might appreciate you for who you are!

On the other hand, being able to pass among the herd and blend in is useful, so perhaps a book would be in order. But it should be read as a field guide to communicating with the natives, not as a blueprint for becoming one of them!

Welcome! Mike

I agree. You have no reason to change the basic YOU. But to feel not so uncomfortable and to feel less awkward in social groupings would be nice. I also like what Mike said about seeking out your own niche. Why yearn to become like everyone else? Seek out people who "get you."

Permanent change is only possible through self understanding. Why do you act the way you do??????

I don't want to be this way anymore. This makes me sad. I want to make and keep friends, have a love life, etc.

First of all I really like your name - it's funny. It also appears you're very honest about yourself. I don't want to go against what the other poster have said about accepting yourself because I think we should all accept the way we are. But the above quote tells me that you recognize these to be problematic areas in your life, that you want to improve upon. Improving on these areas doesn't mean you're abandoning your true self. We can all benefit from some social fine tuning.

The first change I would recommend is lay back on the alcohol since it makes things worse. Have you ever been screened for ADHD. It' seems like most of your problem is based on you being too impulsive and not thinking before you talk or act. I also recommend watching people you admire and trying to adopt some of their ways. Do you feel nervous in social situations? Try being a good listener because people like feeling that someone's interested in them.

Take an honest look at yourself in the mirror and see if there are ways to improve your outward appearance - grooming. It would even be a good idea to have someone video tape you when you're talkng, to see your facial expressions and mannnerisms,then watch the tape. I find today, basic manners are really getting lost and most women love a respectful guy. Instead of being rude when you're unhappy you can learn how to be constructively assertive. Ask someone who does like you - to give you some honest constructive criticism as to how you could improve yourself. Best of luck.

Thank you all so much for the replies. You've given me a lot to think about. This seems like a good community, very supportive. I'll definitely come back.

I would keep a daily log about your behavior, then read it over and ask yourself how you should have handled the situation without acting "obnoxious".

Hey there,
I, as well am new to this site; and, browsing through I thought I might respond to your issue. I am actually on the other end of your spectrum. I have friends whom can be very obnoxious at times, and frankly, I feel that it is as someone else said in a previous post: you need to closely examine yourself: your needs...and what is most lacking in your life, because these things are probably what are giving your persona this dislike by others. You know, sometimes people just want to fit in and belong so bad that they actually over do it.

Sometimes the problem is in the communicating. For instance, I have been told my level of ambiguity is such that I sometimes come off as being deliberately obtuse, i.e., obnoxious. While I am quite capable of being obnoxious, to be so is not intended.