Determined? Disciplined?

Many times I find myself groping for control even among the most minuscule of things (shoe polishing/can't make me). For me, sometimes I act out, mostly because of unresolved resentment.

I've been trying to hit upon the - my moment(s) of time when I "go" into lack of motivation then into depression. Trying to reason what it is for me.

"Reasoning" what something is for me can yield tricky results, depending on where I'm coming from and how I go about it. If I already know what the answer "should" be and try to argue myself into agreeing with it, I'm likely to find myself stuck in something like contradiction, confusion, lack of motivation, or depression. If I'm really looking (and perhaps most important, willing to be surprised) I usually do come up with a clearer perspective on what I need to be doing -- and even find that it's something I'm willing to do.

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I get around the shoe-shining problem quite handily by (1.) owning hardly any shoes that require shining and (2.) having hardly any interest in occasions that call for shiny shoes.

A quick reply...I buff or bristle my nice shoes after removing them with each use! Funny how unique we can all be!

I would like to read through the thread properly soon, but I want to start with saying, that if you have persistence and determination, those attitudes and motivations will already organise discipline naturally.

So if something still gets in the way of your discipline, it's important to examine to what exactly is getting in the way.

And yes, denial of pleasure may be necessary to complete some tasks or achieve certain goals. But I suggest you broaden your repertoire and use other strategies too to be able to do tasks and goals, because not all of them will require so much denial of pleasure. And since the more denial of pleasure you would use where it's not even needed (if that's what the issue is?), the more the motivation for doing the thing will decrease.

It does also matter how much you really align with your motivation for the task or goal, so, I could go deeper into the topic but that's enough for now, I don't want to repeat stuff before reading the rest of the topic. In case it's all been posted already.

PS: I realise this OP isn't fresh but I hope it's OK to post anyway, in case someone finds it helpful? I didn't see a rule against posting in old threads (?)