[KathyM]

My husband has been under a tremendous amount of pressure without ANY support. With my illness, I'm more than a handful - very much so lately. Our son is a big help, but he can be a handful too after coming home from war only to find his city is gone and many friends have died. Our dog, a complete "daddy's girl" is gravely ill and won't last much longer. Our house is dangerously fragile - water pipes broken, so he has to do our laundry at the laundromat. The electrical outlets and fuse box sizzle on occasion, there may be a small gas leak, and the crack in my bedroom ceiling has made it clear across the room - at any time, the huge furnace above my head can crash down over me. He's also in poor health himself.

It would be nice if he could stay home and focus on the house, but he has to focus on bringing home the bacon. Feeding me, clothing me, and sheltering me is very important to him.

He works for a small business that installs and maintains business phones. One of his coworkers was injured at work, so my husband is taking on his workload. He was given an order to fix a phone system, but was given no other information - just show up at the address and fix the problem.

He heads over to the site, sets down his tools and gets down on the floor to examine the situation. It's painful because he's very arthritic and has spurs on all of his vertebrae - he needs to use his reading glasses, and it's frustrating.

A woman is standing over him with her hands on her hips. He can tell she's glaring at him, so he did his best to hold it together. He couldn't focus with her breathing down his neck, so he turned to her and said with a smile "You look surprised to see me." He figured the call for service had just been placed, and he got there as quickly as he could. Sometimes people are nice, sometimes they aren't. He was hoping she was just concerned and interested about the system - he would assure her he had it covered and she could go back to her job.

The woman glared harder, then spit out "Yes I'm surprised - I'm surprised to see you bothered to get off your lazy *** after two months, and I'm surprised you STILL don't know what you're doing!!!"

WTH!!! Oooooooh - such a powerful and strong woman! How I would LOVE to chat over coffee sometime with that BI*CH!!!!! She has NOOOOOOO idea how much I love my husband!

If I hear one more time that Mexicans are lazy and stupid, I think I'm going to explode!!!!!

Why do people feel they have a right to treat other human beings in such a way?

[lonegael]

Oh, Kathy, that's hideous! My grandfather had spurs on his back and I know he was in constant pain. People just don't get it. They have their own little idea of what life is like, they think that if only everyone wanted to they could do anything... chronic pain, overload of work, complex system problems don't exist in their worlds. Wonder why she didn't fix it herself if she know so much about it.
Dear, I had a pointed discussion with my father in law about a parking lot in our old neighborhood, where from early morning to late at night, people, mostly mexican men, would congregate.
His take on it: They just sit there being lazy. That's all they know how to do (He is a Swedish immigrant to the US)
Mine: No, B- , they have been waiting from 4 AM for the contractors to show and pick the workers they want for various jobs, and they stay in hopes that they'll be picked for jobs that might come up tomorrow. If you have a family to feed, and no education, that's how it is done.
The point is, that these folks are far from lazy, but certain people, who think that they can take all the credit for their success, have a way of twisting everything they see to fit that idea. "They are poor because...." "My phone doesn't work because they...." The idea that soemtimes, that's the breaks never gets into their tiny lttle heads. I'm sorry one of these jerks (and I hope it was just one, but I fear it hasn't been so) came your way.
If you have coffe with her, drop some exlax in and say it was from me Soem people have no class, no empathy, and no brains. Huggs, kathy, and to your wonderfull husband, too.

[KathyM]

Thank you ((Lonegael))

Unfortunately, it happens all too often. He has to brace himself wherever he goes.

He was called out to work on the phone system at a church, but a priest had no idea anything was wrong with the phones. He saw my husband "fiddling with the wires," so he called the police to have him arrested - thought he was a terrorist.

People often call his boss to make sure he's a real human being and not an alien.

People often call his boss to say "Don't send that dirty Mexican over again."

They ridicule his clothing and say things like "Nice coffee stain - Did your wife pick that shirt out for you today?" Maybe they are unaware he raced like the wind trying to answer their call - spilled a little coffee on the way! Maybe they are unaware he doesn't have a lot of spare time to iron all our clothing!

He hasn't had much work in a long time now, so we were really struggling financially. Taking on his co-worker's load should have been a good thing, but it's only making me more miserable. He feels so bad because he promised me in 1992 he'd fix this house and make it my own. As it is now, it only triggers memories of mom's suicide attempts, when the house caught fire in 78, when the tornado hit in '67, and where my father died in what is now our bedroom - all the marks are still there.

He's not a carpenter or "handy man" though, and it takes money to have someone else fix it for you.

My son feels pressured to fix it for us, but he's not a carpenter or handy man either. He just started college, and we are thrilled for him. We'd rather he focus on his studies - he really wants to do well. After what he's been through (war), he deserves a break.

SO DOES MY HUSBAND!

Thanks again.

((((((((((( KathyM )))))))))))

[lynn P.]

((((Kathy and family))) - so sorry this happened to your husband. It so sad to know there are miserable people like this. I know it's natural to feel angry toward people like this but try not to let it fester in you - this gives them more power. Is it possible he could tell his boss how this lady acted? I was also wondering if your family would qualify for a home loan to fix your house to make it safe? I hope things get better for you and your family

[sanityseeker]

And so do you KathyM... you all deserve a break from everything that is putting so much pressure on you all. You are so blessed to have such an amazing husband and loving son. I am believing for you that your love together will conquer all the crap that challenges your way.

I am sorry for all of this. That is terrible.

[KathyM]

Thank you. The kicker for me is he's not even from Mexico. He's 100% American - born and bred in the U.S.A. - as were his parents. His mother tried to give him a break by not teaching him Spanish - figured people would accept him more if he spoke with an American accent. It didn't work.

[sanityseeker]

Some people are jerks and no amount of accomodation will satisfied thier bigotry. Nor should any one try. I can appreciate his mother's love and wanted to spare her son from any additional challenges but until the fear behind bigotry disappears nothing will change. I too live with racism and it hurts. People can be so cruel it boggles the mind.

Wishing you and your family well Kathy.

[Yoda]

OMG I feel for you and am sending happy thoughts your way! that lady needs her ***** kicked!

[KathyM]

May I ask......

Under what circumstances would a person use the icon labeled "Mexican" to express emotion? What is it supposed to mean here?

:mexican:

I had no idea there were so many bigots out there!

[sanityseeker]

Good catch Kathy.... I have actually noticed those guys too and wondered why the Mexican reference. It just cause me to shake my head and wonder how is it these things happen and mainstream sees nothing out of line about it. You know like with the inappropriate references to Native Americans in sports team names and logos. It all makes me steam. Stereotyping is so dangerous and yet it goes on and on and on.

[VickiesPath]

Actually, I always looked at it as carefree happiness. There aren't too many other icons that have hats, only a few. Of course, here in Phoenix, it is a symbol of celebration.

[KathyM]

Thanks Vickie - but that's what I don't understand. Why would Mexican men, women and children be considered the symbol of "carefree and happy?" What do you think makes them so happy and care free?

[lonegael]

Kathy, I agree that all of you need a break. There is a constant stress that goes with not belonging to a majority culture that can wear you down in you let it. Swedes like to think of themselves as a prejudiceless people, but they are really about as bad as any I have met. I finally had to decide here that, you know, I wilo never be able to be a Swede. 1. I'm too Celtic: too dark, too red skin, eyes wrong color blue. (I get accused of coming from Banyaluka!) I don't ethnically fit in 2: I would not feel good for being a Swede 3. Sweden would not do any better by my becoming a Swede. No one is served by us trying to be what we aren't.
I know that doesn't take the pain out of these people's idioty. Myself, I just want to ask you and your husband to hang in there and encourage you as best I can. Also, I am grateful for the service and the sacrifice you son is giving for us. Please extend to him my heart felt thanks and sympathy for his pain as well. Huggs. Your rants are well understood.

[lonegael]

PS:= rutabaga! = or a root vegetable. Hmmmm.... Did you see the Catalan? I don't know what that would symbolize. I have to stop. I'm getting wicked.

[FooZe]

Originally Posted by KathyM

The woman glared harder, then spit out "Yes I'm surprised - I'm surprised to see you bothered to get off your lazy *** after two months, and I'm surprised you STILL don't know what you're doing!!!"

Regardless of what was behind her attitude, after a reception like that, was he actually required to stay there and perform any service? I know that if stuff like that happened back at the company and weren't corrected quickly, it would be grounds for "hostile workplace" complaints and lawsuits.

If I were in a situation like that, I think I would've said something like: "I'm from _____ Company. I was told you wanted your phone system worked on. We could work on it now, or come back sometime when it's more convenient for you, or just forget it. Which would you prefer?"

[KathyM]

Thanks Fool Zero. Yeah, this is probably one of the clients who doesn't want ANY persons of color showing up on their doorstep, just to be on the "safe side."

I'm still stuck on this emoticon. There HAS to be some sort of "universal" meaning - all the others have one. However, no other group of people are represented - i.e., German, Indian, Caucasian.

An assignment, if you're interested.....

Picture my husband's face on that emoticon. Write a short paragraph, ending with my husband's face.

Write another paragraph, ending with my sister-in-law's face.

Write another paragraph, ending with my brother-in-law's face.

Write another paragraph, ending with my niece's face.

Write another paragraph, ending with my nephew's face.

This might be fun. Maybe I'll get a good measure on what my relatives in Arizona have been up to lately and how they are feeling. - P.S. I'm serious, if you're up to the challenge. If not, I'll "give it a rest already!"

[FooZe]

I think of those emoticons as innocent, if sometimes pretty goofy. First of all, there seem to be two distinct series, probably by different artists or even studios: what I call the "roundheads" like and the "lumps" like .

I tend to think of the "lumps" as haystack-shaped but on closer inspection they turn out to be triangles -- mostly with hair and/or hats that give them a rounder, more lumpish shape. Here's one undisguised: I imagine the person who drew them thinking how ridiculously easy they were to do: take the same basic character, put different headgear on them, and call them a cowgirl , a bride, , a viking , or a Mexican :mexican:. For the cowboy and the Catalan, also leave off the hair.

By this reasoning, what would have led to the choice of a stereotypical Mexican was simply that the artist found it so easy to draw a recognizable sombrero. It's not a statement about people of Mexican ancestry at all -- it's about the limitations of the artist and the format. (Are you listening, artist? !)

Many have had to apologize for innocent and goofy gone bad.

[KathyM]

Fool Zero

I'm not sure if I'm reading you correctly. Did you take the challenge or not? Were you saying my husband is innocent and goofy, or were you saying my relatives in Arizona are innocent and goofy? I have a WHOLE lot of relatives in Arizona. Which ones are innocent, and which ones are just goofy? What do they look like?

A relative in Arkansas busts a gut when he hears of my pain. Is that why he says I don't deserve a real man? Is that why he says if I'd only clean up my act maybe a white man might love me? Is that why he says my sickness is my own damn fault for being a stupid "n****r lover"? Is that why my sister insists she will never share anything with me again?

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by KathyM

A relative in Arkansas busts a gut when he hears of my pain. Is that why he says I don't deserve a real man? Is that why he says if I'd only clean up my act maybe a white man might love me?

You could un-relative him, yes?

[KathyM]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

You could un-relative him, yes?

I could, but they all did that for me years ago when I was banished from the family for marrying a black man. According to them, I'm not allowed to step foot in Arkansas. It's a shame because I have MANY fond memories of visiting relatives Arkansas.

I freaked out a few years ago when I took a road trip with my husband to OK and he wanted to see a little of the Ozarks on the way back. I had promised my father years ago I would obey his demand to not step foot in Arkansas ever again.

Marriage vows suck. From the moment we entered AR to the time we left, I closed my eyes, held my breath, and prayed no one would see us and that our car wouldn't break down on a back road. There were some close calls, but we managed to make it out of there safely.