[ktbug]

I have trust issues in my relationship, and I guess with alot of people. Now my relationship is about to be over because of it. I love my boyfriend more than anything and don't want to lose him. He has "put up" with me for quite some time but is now on his last leg with my issues. I know that I need to seek help but I just don't know who to see. There are psychologists and psychiatrists and councelors, etc. I don't know who would help me best.
Here's a little background on me. I have admitted to him and only on here that I was consistantly molested when I was younger. I don't trust because I see so many people cheating all the time ( maybe there's more behind that). I often wonder if I have a mental illness, like am I bipolar? I often think crazy thoughts or get mad at the drop of a hat and the next day be happy. my boyfriend says that I have gotten worse and perhaps I have, as I no longer think that I can do this on my own. He thinks I need to see someone to "even me out" and maybe I do.
So in saying all this, I am not sure on what specialist to see and hoping some of you can help me out. It would greatly appreciated
Thanks in advance

[gimmeice]

I see a psychologist for therapy and a psychiatrist for meds, that is what works best for me. I think with the issues that you are dealing with a psychologist might be the best way to go. But that is just my two cents based on my experience.

I agree with gimmeice. Therapy works best when both of you work together. Be open and honest. Sometimes the therapist and client do not work well together. If that is the case, change therapists.

Good luck.

[ktbug]

I don't see a therapist and think that I may need to. My question is what type of person to see?

[shezbut]

Hi ktbug

I can relate to your post very much, I'm the same way.

What the previous posters were saying is that you should see a psychiatrist (they prescribe medications, if necessary) as well as a therapist. The therapist may be a social worker or psychologist.

Personally, I'd recommend a therapist with a lot of experience in dealing with sexual abuse, personality disorders, and depression. I have tried many therapists over the years and have recently begun working on the core issues that I struggle with. DBT (dialectic behavioral therapy) is helpful for people like us. First, the DBT does recognize my traumatic past ~ rather than sweeping it under the rug. That is validating. While our emotions may be totally irrational, it is still how we feel. And we deserve to have those emotions validated, rather than feel ashamed or stupid for feeling that way. Second, I've slowly learned techniques to get me through those tough times that ordinarily get me to blow up. Third, we learn to build proper relationships ~ set appropriate boundaries and build self-esteem. Fourth, learning how to stay in the moment. Rather than ruminate over & over, getting ourselves even more upset.

Cognitive behavioral therapy is the main technique used nowadays ~ but it wasn't quite enough for me. They want to accept the past and move on to the future. I, however, struggle hard to accept my past. The CBT presumes that one can (or has) accept the past.

Hope that I didn't lose you by going off in a tangent. Sorry if I did! You're free to PM me if you have questions. I'd be happy to help if I can. Best wishes to you!

[VickiesPath]

Many times, people who are kind of wondering where to start begin by contacting their community mental health center. Most communities that are large enough or if you live near a community that is large enough, have a mental health center run by either the city or the county and they have both at least one psychiatrist who prescribes medications and several psychologists and/or social workers/therapists. Usually what you do is call them and ask for an initial appointment for evaluation and they will set you up for an intake appointment. Then, they will determine what your major issues are and also whether or not you might benefit from a consult with the psychiatrist for medication and who of their therapists would be best suited for you based upon your major issues. Some therapists specialize in certain areas.

At least this is a place to start. In the process, you might meet other patients who know of other therapists who are really, really good and they recommend them word of mouth. That kind of thing happens all the time.

From what you say, I do agree with Shezbut about your prevous abuse being your main issue at this point. This kind of abuse causes what some refer to as PTSD or survivor's syndrome. It's quite complex and causes some major problems. No wonder you are struggling.

Please don't hesitate to get yourself some help. You deserve it. If we can help you in any other way, please let us know. Also, keep posting so we'll know how things are going. Hugs to you.

[ktbug]

shezbut, I think you and I are very similar. I do "blow up" sometimes for the dumbest things. Which is another thing that I would love to fix. As far as accepting my past, I don't, in fact the abuser apologised to me awhile ago, which I think has made things worse. I am very up and down with my emotions on a regular basis.
I will look into a community mental health center as I don't want to jump into a person at once and worrying about if we don't click or they can't help me. I like the idea of people helping me fit in to when I should be. I really apprecite all the help I have gotten so far. I don't know much about PTSD but I have been holding this a secret for a very very long time without help. And maybe this is the root cause of all my other problems.

[eskielover]

ktbug,

I was hesitant going to our community mental health center....fear of it being less quality....wow was I surprised. They have grant money that helps out the patients far beyond what the private mental health organizations do. They are really there to help & not just to get a high paying job like some (who claim they are there to help, but won't take less money from those who aren't able to pay).

I have the best psyhologist & also a therapist (not a case worker) who comes out to my house & helps with some if the issues I am dealing with here so my psyhologist can work in the deeper issues I have going on. They also have pdoc's (who can prescribe meds) available.

The good thing about the community mental health care is that they will look after the whole of your metal health needs.....it is definitely the best place to go to to get the help you need.

It is horrible feeling bad & knowing how bad you are feeling & not knowing where & what to do about it. Meds from a pdoc can be a good thing is stabalizing how you are feeling. Therapy with a Therapist, social worker, or psychologist, is good for working through the things that are bothering you & working on how we react to them.

Give yourself a gift & get an appointment with them.....I think you will find it very worthwhile....good way to start the new year.
eskielover

[ktbug]

I am nervous on what to say when I go there. What is the person going to ask? What am I going to have to tell them in the beginning? That's the hardest part I think, what to expect. I know that I need this but I'm too nervous.

[Martina]

Some definitions:

Psychiatrist: Medical Doctor, went to medical school, specializes in psychiatry, usually just prescribes medications only but some do a little therapy

Psychologist: Has a PhD degree, does psychotherapy only, does not prescribe medications

Psychiatric nurse practitioner: Went to nursing school and trained in psychology, usually prescribes medications AND does therapy in the same visit. Nice two in one deal.

Counselors: these can include a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), Master's in Social Work (MSW) and a whole bunch more acronyms...that's all I can think of right now. They just do therapy only.

----

Psychiatrists & Psychologists are the most expensive. Social workers are less expensive. But if your health plan does copays, that doesn't matter to you.

Do you work, or are you covered under someone else's health plan? First off, check to see if they have an EAP program - Employee Assistance Program. You can call their hotline and talk to a counselor and they will set you up with some free sessions with a therapist and/or psychiatrist. If you don't have EAP, then just use your regular health benefits, but keep in mind you may have to pre-certify by calling their 1-800 number.

If you don't have health coverage, I'd check with your county or state mental health clinics for services.

The best bet is usually to get a psychiatrist for medications and a psychologist for therapy. But that depends on your area. In my area, it's a 3 month wait to see a psychiatrist, the only one in town is booked solid.

A psych nurse is a good option because it's both meds and therapy in one. But they don't have an MD or a PhD.

Hope that makes a little sense. I hate how confusing it all is. One of my crazy ideas is to someday create a system where ALL you have to do is call or click and say three words - "I need help" - and someone will GET you that help without you having to do any work at all. When you're in a fragile mental state, you really can't deal with all this crap just to find the help you need.

[Martina]

Oh, and as far as what to say - just take it slow. You don't have to tell them what you aren't ready to tell them. Just give them enough information so they can help you - like your symptoms, depression, anger, mood swings. You don't have to delve into your history from the beginning. You can work into that over time.

[VickiesPath]

Originally Posted by ktbug

I am nervous on what to say when I go there. What is the person going to ask? What am I going to have to tell them in the beginning? That's the hardest part I think, what to expect. I know that I need this but I'm too nervous.

What you can say when they ask you what you need help for is something like this:

"I've never sought help before but I have some sexual abuse in my background and I need help dealing with it."

Those words may be hard to say but, trust me, they will not be surprised to hear them and you will not be the first person to say them. If you feel that you are having to say them in front of a lot of people, ask them if you could tell them in private. Or if it's over the phone, it should be ok.

Everything else they ask you should be in private. If not, complain to them and ask for a more private setting. Tell them you are not comfortable dealing with private information in front of nonprofessionals.

Also, is there someone you can take with you for personal support? A trusted friend? A relative? They could go with you and wait in the lobby? Some city and/or county services offer home visits, too. All you need to do is make a phone call and there's a possibility that someone could come to your home.

Please make a phone call and see what you can find out. You deserve this help for yourself. I know it's hard. Believe me, I know. I've been through it. But you are worth it.

[ktbug]

Thanks guys! I do have an employee assistance 1-800 number at work. I will try that at first. The hardest part is making that first step and not knowing what to expect.

Take the step, ktbug. You are a valuable person and deserve help. Let us know how it goes. Good luck.

[ktbug]

So, as you can see it has taking me along time to make my first step. I called the 1-800 number that I have available to me at work.
I have a lady counselor calling me on friday to do an over the phone session and we'll see from there. I am so scared and nervous.
I appreciate everything from you guys and hope that I can help others the way you all have helped me.
More updates after friday

Good for you, ktbug. I hope this is the beginning of a better life for you. Good lick.