[Junerain]

I am not even able to pinpoint what brought me to this point,,,I had been to a restaurant, the gym, the library, the church, the coffeehouse,,as I do all day long,,,and it was a sudden feeling of,,,whatever I'm running from has finally caught up with me, left me not feeling anything at all and emotionally paralysed,,left me carving to feel human like I did when I was a child before the bipolar hit,,left me feeling different from the rest of society,,left me hurt and angry at my illness which has no face to aim my anger at,,left me remembering all the bad relations I have been in with men who will not even take me out or be there for me or meet my family or plan anything in advance at all hoildays were not pissible as he does not answer his phone and does not call when we have holiday plans,,obviously not even a relationship in the the most remote sense of the word,,just the thrill of the sex numbing my search to feel something and anything for a moment.......................

I'm tired and lonely,,have no one to be there for me,,feel very bitter and angry,,

I am going to begin partial hospitalization as soon as there is an opening,,which cannot come soon enough,,,I just wish the hospital had let me stay inpatient, it would have made me feel so much better

[Typo]

(((((((((((((((Junerain)))))))))))))))

I am so sorry you are hurting so much right now hun, I am glad you were able to take good self care steps and seek help.

You always have support here at PC and my support.

Please remember you are loved and cared for, keep us all updated on how the treatment goes

Sending many peaceful thoughts, hugs, and blessings
Typo

[Yoda]

[lynn P.]

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers (((Junerain))). You support others here so much and now you can relax while we support you dear person.

[(JD)]

[Indie'sOK]

(((((((( June )))))))))) I hope you feel better soon

[Giabrina]

I hope you are doing okay, Junerain. YOu helped me so much when I was at a very low point and thought I'd never make it out. But I did, thanks to you and others on this forum. Please post again so that we know how you are doing. All the best,

[Naturefreak]

Oh my Junerain. And just the other day you were doing so well . I'm very sorry that this is happening . Always seems to happen to the best people. I really hope the hospital stay improves your well being.
Take care of yourself. Keep us updated . Hugs

[lonegael]

(((((((Junerain))))))))) Thank God you caught the signs and decided to do something about it. I am so sorry you feel so badly. wish I could put my arms around you and tell you hwo much I understand that feeling of wanting to feel human again. I'm sure you will, dear. I think you made an improtant decision on the road just now and I support you 100%. HUGGGGGS from afar.

[Sabrina]

Junerain, I am sorry this hit you so hard. I will keep you in my thoughts.

[KathyM]

Ruh Roh! Looks like June is busting out all over!

They must be a very proud people. I'm sure they're proud of themselves for destroying you. They sound like really strong and beautiful people. Don't worry - they can't destroy you now, Maria.

Go find a mirror....let's do some practicing - otay? Sing along with me - K?

Pax vobiscum.

[lindee]

((((junerain))))

[ajmom]

I am so sorry to hear you are hurting. I was on partial Hospitalization and it helped me tremendously. I will pray for you and i know you will get the help you need in the hospital.
ajmom

[Pomegranate]

Junerain I'm sorry you are feeling so bad. I'm glad to hear you are reaching out, seeking help and trying to take care of yourself. Keep us posted on how you are doing. We are here for you.

[Junerain]

I had a urinary tract infection and blood pressure in the 200's and when this cleared up I felt better mentally,,,

I always always think everything's mental & emotional before ever considering plain old physical...

I had a tarot card reading that said my personality is in an upheaval of change,,

That means taking a break from men, as much as I love men, it hurts when they do not love you back, they can say they love me verbally but obviously they don't..

I may NEVER get married, never have a normal relationship, I'm that different a person that no man can relate to, highly emotional and sensitive and that is my 100% focus at all times, emotions..no one can relate, it seems,,thus I find myself alone,,alone due to my emotional differences and eccentricity,,as if these things were crimes or something..

I hate the time I wasted on Darrell, on Dan, on all the goofballs that i was 'dating' yeah right.

Everybody says, they're using you, I reply, no I'm using them,,as I they think I'm exclusive but I'm not,,,,I guess we each fulfilled a need in each other,,but I sense my need is no longer there, its like it vanished when I felt physically better,,,

I may never know what love is,,,I know what sex is, I know what it is to date someone who cannot read his mail he's that intellectually challanged,,making me feel in my relation in control as the world has always made me feel out of control,,

I am so emotion based that not only was I fired from 58 jobs for being different,,now my student teaching overseer reported I 'didnt care about the content of lessons'' my professor is assuming I hovered in the background and did not participate...he knows me better than this I JUMP INTO everything, all the time!!

How can i explain I am so completely emotional that people make strange judgements about me all the time, all the time, and I cannot escape it!!!

It's everywhere!!!!

I never was considered strange as a child,,just it HIT me the judgements started pouring in at about age twenty, and I do mean pouring!!

So to sum up I feel better physically which crossed over to mentally, feel less needy with men, ready to hopefully finally meet that special someone one day as far as clearing up my emotions and mind to have a place for him,,

still bitter about the way society treats me, very......

Glad you are better. You have some choices to make.

[Giabrina]

In reply to your post where you say you may never get married or have a normal relationship, I felt the same way too and I didn't get married until 35. I had about given up and then I met someone who really, truly honestly cared for me. He treated me completely different than other men and at first I was not use to that. But have confidence you will eventually meet your true love, someone you can share your life with.

How are you doing, Junerain?

[Junerain]

I'm doing okay, thanks for asking Byzantine,,

Just feel nerveful and jumpy and maladjusted,,

Feel like I don't count or matter,,,like society literally hates me,,like it's a crime to be and think the way my mind thinks emotionally,,

Had a good dinner wiht my best friend last night,,she says those that judge me or do not accept me, screw them......

Kind of nondescript sentiment for me, but I guess I could just put up boundaries against and barriers up to prevent the negative folks from ruining my life,,

Seems they already did.............

[KathyM]

Junebug

Maybe she was just saying you've always been the criminal and they've always been the poopyheads. Oh well - poop is poop, whether it's legal or not.

Thanks for the spoon Now put it down! That poop ain't good for you, and you BETTER not fling it MY way! If you do, we'll have to start all over again with sticks!

[lonegael]

Oh dear. Poo Fights. No no no, i can't get into the "I'm so much nastier than you fight" today. My nose just won't stand for it and I just washed my hair Agreed, Kathy M. HUGGS all