[Beholden]

I didn't see a thread for this subject, so please move this if it isn't in the right spot.

Is there anyone out in the PC membership who has knowledge of long term addiction to marijuana? Recently I've reconnected with my brother who has a very long history of mj use. Probably started in his teens, and is now 51.

He won't admit to it. (being an addict). First thing each morning, according to both his wives, is gets high. He often doesn't come home in the evenings because he is at the bars.

What concerns me - and I know I can't do much about their situation - and haven't been involved in his life for many years, is that his 2nd wife of 14 years, is disabled/mostly bedridden, and she just called me out of the blue to confide in me about their marriage/situation/his abusive behavior towards her one minute and how he is in public with her, etc.

We have a family wedding to go to and she has become 'like a leach' to me after just one phone contact. I used to be what I thought was a great trait, 'a good listener', but now I see that isn't always in my best interest.

My sister-in-law has attemted suicide over the years many many times, is controling and yet, I do love both her and my brother. She is in severe chronic pain due to 3 failed back surgeries.

Her concern is about my brother buying a gun. She is afraid of guns, etc. So to 'overcome her fear' she got a gun and learned how to use it.

Total dysfunction. They live out of state, and we haven't had any real brother sister relationship since he was 8, when I left home to marry. But we have always been 'friendly' and haven't fought, but are happy to see each other over the years when that has happened.

I don't want to be sucked into their mess. but is there any hope for him to get clean and sober? I see his somewhat 'little concern for anyone but himself' behavior as very self distrucktive and don't know what I need to do about it. Let go and let God? HELP someone.

[Irine]

Originally Posted by Beholden

I is there any hope for him to get clean and sober?

I am not experienced in the field but i have read book about it and it says that the first step is FOR THE PERSON ADDICTED to recognize it. To admit that he IS addicted. You can support him but the awareness, the decision to take the steps toward healing - all up to him...there is a need to make him be aware of his in that situation. I agree that if mj is the first thing he does every morning he may be addicted.

[sanityseeker]

Unlike alcohol which is physically addictive, mj at most is psychologically habitual. One can stop taking in mj without any adverse physcial effects. Either substance is mind altering and a choice but alcohol is a lot harder to quit than mj.

I self medicated with mj for many years until I had to finally admit that my over use of it contributed to my depression and disabled my own abilities to cope with stress. It is unusual in my experience for someone to use both alcohol and mj. Usually it is one or the other. It is like mixing uppers with downers.

That aside.... there is nothing you can do until your brother acknowledges he has a problem with either substance. The most you or your sister in law can do is find support for yourselves. AL-ANON comes to mind. Google it to find one in your area. It is an organization like AA where people who have family members who are addicts meet to give and get support.

Your SIL has many issues that are aggrevated by your brothers lifestyle choices and she needs professional help. The most you can do for her is to help her get the help she needs.

You can't do anything for your brother until he acknowledged that he needs help. You will learn from alanon strategies that others use to cope with living with an addict.

Good luck. You are a wonderful caring person and I wish you well.

[sunflower55]

Your sister in law can and should get to alanon - as soon as possible!
If she cannot get there physically, there are online groups that can help.
And there is a great book that she should read - Co-dependent No More, by Melody Beatty. She can get it on Amazon.com for cheap. Actually, it might do you some good too, as you could learn some boundaries.

There is nothing you can do for your brother until he admits to a problem. And that probably won't happen until there is a negative consequence as a result of his drinking and using.

If your sister in law is being abused, she needs to get out of the situation. NOW! There are shelters that can help her in the immediacy and can help her make plans for long term. The longer she stays, the more likely she will become one more statistic. And with the introduction of guns into this situation, it's already escalated into a horrifying situation. She needs to get out NOW!

Please voice that reality to her. But, be aware, you cannot *make* her do anything. She's an adult and she is responsible for her own actions. Once you give her helpful advice, you need to Let go and Let G*D take it from there.

I wish you well. Good luck.

Peace!

[Beholden]

Thanks to all of you.

Yesterday I phoned my best girl friend for her advise. She has been sober for 13 plus years and she told me to not get sucked in, tell my sil to go to Al-anon asap.

I told B that sil is without transportation and she told me that there would be someone willing to come by and pick her up. She advised me to give sil this advise, if she started to make excuses, don't fight the point with her and 'disconnect' with her if she doesn't do that. As for my brother, he has had so many wake up calls, financial ruin, crashed his vehicle, etc... but doesn't see it.

After being in therapy for my own issues years ago, and having a mother who was in my opinion an alcoholic, I've done my role as co-dependant - done with that now, and don't want to go back there. Won't go back there.

My friend said, fall for it once, ok, fall for it twice, 'shame on you', from her AA 'club' as she calls it.

It is jus so darn sad that their lives are what they are when both of them won't wake up to what is really going on. But the guns are what scare me. I won't let it dominate me, I'll do the only thing I can.

Thanks.

[Irine]

Originally Posted by Beholden

Thanks to all of you.


It is jus so darn sad that their lives are what they are when both of them won't wake up to what is really going on.
Thanks.

I guess this is what their soul came here to experience.

[Beholden]

Originally Posted by ladymacabethadmunsen

I guess this is what their soul came here to experience.

I can only hope that is true ladymacabethadmusen.

[Irine]

It`s always true. Odd as it may seem.
We mostly choose the situations we are in. Consciously or not....

[sunflower55]

Well, that's *one* believe system.

Another is that people live what they know until they learn a better way.
Alanon helps people learn a better way.

What is true, I hope this woman gets OUT of that situation
*before* she's another statistic.

Peace!

[Beholden]

Originally Posted by sunflower55

Well, that's *one* believe system.

Another is that people live what they know until they learn a better way.
Alanon helps people learn a better way.

What is true, I hope this woman gets OUT of that situation
*before* she's another statistic.

Peace!

Thanks ....it is true I believe, that we live what we know until we learn a 'different' way, hopefully it is a better way. I'm not sure which one of them will get help first. If 'ever'.

She hasn't made contact with me on facebook again. But she has been on, it is a scary thought about "statistic".