Molestation in family, only one not in denial...

Shangrala · Feb 21, 2010, 04:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 50guy

These stories are really amazing and at the same time they are sickening.
I had an older cousin that used to pull me into the bathroom or into his bedroom and french kiss me and run his hands all over me when I was 9 years old up to 11. He did a lot of other sexual things to me too. **** sex and forced oral sex. I never told anyone because we all lived together, there were 9 kids and two adult women, my Mom and my Aunt. My cousin was much older than me at the time. I remember he got drafted into the Army and I wished he would get killed in combat, unfortunately for me he got stationed close by home and I managed to duck him for 2 years, then he got married, divorced, disappeared for a while, someone said he was locked up in Arizona for molesting kids. He came back and remarried, had several kids and I think he molested one of the girls. He dropped dead a few years ago at age 56. I can remember being tied up, forced to have sex, gagged, assulted by several of his friends in the neighborhood, etc.
When he died I told my Mom what he had done to me, it then came to light that he tried with one of my brothers but was unsuccessful. He also reportedly raped his sister many times.

I have been DX with dissociation (sp) NOC. I swear I am 2 people and I am known in some circles by a different name. have some good periods of time and then I have times when I fault myself, why didn't I fight? Why did I like it sometimes? Why did I invite it to happen sometimes. I feel like a freak and a bad person. I wish I would have told, fought and bit his d ick off.

Sorry gotta go.............................Triggers........time to find my safe place.

Eric

Eric

Shangrala · Feb 21, 2010, 05:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

There is just so much hurt in the world.

Yes, there certainly is.

The way I receive my experiences is that, for me, the allowance of release is through understanding and forgiveness.
Certainly, I do not forget, but to harbor anger or resentment seems to only be a means of allowing the experience to continue to live on. Going through that once was MORE than enough. I've chosen to allow that to pass and move on.

Shangrala

Feb 21, 2010, 05:54 PM

Good for you, Shangrala.

lynn P. · Feb 21, 2010, 06:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 50guy

These stories are really amazing and at the same time they are sickening.
I had an older cousin that used to pull me into the bathroom or into his bedroom and french kiss me and run his hands all over me when I was 9 years old up to 11. He did a lot of other sexual things to me too. **** sex and forced oral sex. I never told anyone because we all lived together, there were 9 kids and two adult women, my Mom and my Aunt. My cousin was much older than me at the time. I remember he got drafted into the Army and I wished he would get killed in combat, unfortunately for me he got stationed close by home and I managed to duck him for 2 years, then he got married, divorced, disappeared for a while, someone said he was locked up in Arizona for molesting kids. He came back and remarried, had several kids and I think he molested one of the girls. He dropped dead a few years ago at age 56. I can remember being tied up, forced to have sex, gagged, assulted by several of his friends in the neighborhood, etc.
When he died I told my Mom what he had done to me, it then came to light that he tried with one of my brothers but was unsuccessful. He also reportedly raped his sister many times.

I have been DX with dissociation (sp) NOC. I swear I am 2 people and I am known in some circles by a different name. have some good periods of time and then I have times when I fault myself, why didn't I fight? Why did I like it sometimes? Why did I invite it to happen sometimes. I feel like a freak and a bad person. I wish I would have told, fought and bit his d ick off.

Sorry gotta go.............................Triggers........time to find my safe place.

Eric

((50guy)) - this takes a lot of courage to admit what happened to you. I think your cousin was a sick person. You were a child who was over powered and manipulated. You were probably very confused also. Don't blame yourself for not fighting back or even admitting you liked it at times. Children aren't supposed to have sex and they very often confuse it with love(affection). Thank you for sharing your story and I so sorry this happened.

I've never talked about this here, but my oldest brothers were raped by my mothers brother. I just found out about this 10 years ago. My oldest brother seemed to handle his life okay and we don't talk about this, but my second oldest is the one who was an alcoholic and killed himself almost 2 years ago. He struggled all his life with his self esteem. This uncle passed away 20 yrs away.

When I think about things like this I feel so mad and frustrated. Why are there people like this and why do they think they can rape another person? How can anyone be attracted to a child?

pulled2ways · Feb 21, 2010, 07:35 PM

I'm sorry you & so many others had to go through all this. It stinks; I know...going through a very similar situation. A close family member abused me. After many years of silence, I confronted him. Noone in the family believed me either; they can't see him doing something like that, so I'm the liar; I spent over 8 years of my life locked on a psych unit, the crazy, dark horse of the family, while he lived freely.

Then my niece came into the picture. Before she was born, I prayed she'd be a boy, so not to have to go through the same abuse. She's a beautiful girl & I was always concerned. Then she began to show regressive behaviors & other signs that set off my alarm. I called Children's Services to express my concern, knowing she was often left w/ the one who abused me. My family was enraged & I became even more the outcast. All I wanted was to protect an innocent little girl. What's wrong w/ that? To this day, none of my family has stated they believe me & they continue to look so highly upon the abuser. It hurts.

Sorry for going on for so long. Just mainly wanted to say that I understand & hope you're doing ok. I admire your willingness to make the call & stand up for those you're concerned about. That takes a lot of courage, especially when those closest to you aren't supportive.

loveregardless · Feb 21, 2010, 08:00 PM

(((((((( pulled2ways )))))))

you can go an as long as you need or want to. whatever helps you heal. we care.

lonegael · Feb 22, 2010, 01:30 PM

((((((((Eric)))))))) You did not tempt your cousiin. If he was that much older, than the responsibility is his, not yours. Even if I hadn't taken off and locked the bathroom, it would have been my brother's (and probably his friend's) responsibility. The fault was in whoever denied your suffring and your cousin's sister's, and God knows who else's because they didn't want to know.
My parents raised us right; that's why my brother couldn't use force and why I felt I could go to them. That is why there was, at least as far as I know, one and only one time. In another situation I might well not have had the support to resist. In your case, for some reason, those responsible did not shoulder that responsibility. It wasn't you, Eric. It was NEVER up to you.

Loveregardless: couldn't have said it better. Huggs all.

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