[birdcrazy]

As a kid, I was Severely Emotionally Impaired. I would take teasing literally in school, and well I would believe what the kids said, then I would get upset about, but not just upset, it was like an emotional volcano went off. I would cry and scream and even hit people sometimes, these spells would last a long time and happened almost everyday until I was a teen, and sometimes occasionally I still get like that. School didn't know what to do with me, I was smart enough that my learning was not hindered, but they still put me in special ed part of the day, at one point I was in special ed and honors courses for different parts of the day. I also remember the lady at one point that would follow me around and tried to calm me down and stuff.

Emotions still overtake me, even on a relatively high dose of Lamictal. When I am sad, I get way too say and cry uncontrollably. When I am angry, I get way too angry and might hit things, or even push the dog. When I am happy, I get hyper and excited and everyone thinks I'm hypomanic.

Anyway, I feel all this emotion is slowly killing me. As my school reports say that I have, my emotion clouds my thinking. I am very smart, but my emotion gets in the way of that and I can't make very good decisions.

I've had several different labels in my life, but nothing totally describes me well. I feel like a lost soul. I can't seem to find anyone else that has gone through the same things.

I hate emotions.

[mercedes]

yeah emotions sucks.... i know your feeling a little...
The anger and feeling sad confused...

hate, hatred -- (the emotion of intense dislike; a feeling of dislike so strong that it demands action)

Rather ironic that you use an intense emotion to condemn emotions.

[ADoseofReality]

me 2 there rathr unnecesary

[Junerain]

As far as finding people that have been through the same things- that would be ME

I have very, very strong emotions...have ADHD real bad and cannot focus on things that are dry and boring...but as long as I'm with childrem, I perk up and love playing with them, as I do at my job now!!

I was fired from 58 jobs with most employers reporting 'there is just something strange about you- get the hell out...'

This hurt me terribly... I was just being ME, and the message I got LOUD and CLEAR was that it was a 'crime' to just be me....

My emotions are so strong on this issue and so visual I NEED the little visual faces!!

As far as you.....are you still young....have time to find your 'niche..'?

Took me seventeen years to find mine.........but I DID find it...work for the YMCA school aged child care program & get to play with the kiddies!!

What about you....instead of focusing on things your emotions DONT allow you to be....work WITH your emotions.....what are your dreams & desires?

'Cause you my friend deserve a dream come true

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((birdcrazy))))

Thank you for posting. I am sorry you have had to go through all of this. I can understand hating emotions. I guess for different reasons. I was not allowed to have emotions as a child and now that they are coming I do not know what to do with them. And I have to say that many scare me.

I can feel anger but I turn it inward because I feel I deserve it. Sadness fills me and overwhelms to a point that at times I wonder if the tears will ever stop. Fear seems to almost paralyze me. It scares me even though that is one emotion that was drilled into me from a very early age. Happiness asks what is going to happen now.

I know the other emotions are within me but buried within all that live in me. To touch that is to painful and something I have started to feel at times before pulling back and hiding again.

Hang in there and with time and help you will be able to understand them more and put them where they go. One day at a time. Thank you for posting. Please keep posting and letting us know how you are doing. Sending gentle hugs and loving thoughts.

dps

[Junerain]

((((((((((darkpurplesecrets))))))

I turn my anger inward also..........but recently have begun confronting people right when it is TIME, just wanted to share this is a new thing for me and it feels strange, not like meek little me at all........

I love your quote, happiness asks what is going to happen now.......waiting for happiness is hard......it is such an ephemoral emotion.....and when one is just learning about ALL their emotions,,perhaps happiness is the most elusive....it is being swallowed alive by the more 'burning' ones....

What a great discussion you have begun, everyone here...I pray for drakpurplesecrets that the touching of emotions is a delicate thing, for I myself was so touched by the emotions you have shared beautiful