[shezbut]

I feel like a cracked eggshell
just waiting to fall apart
leaving just a slimy residue and some hard pieces here and there

I am alone
my eyes welling up with tears

People around
moving through their own lives
their jobs, their relationships
their lives

I am alone
alone inside
alone outside
I just want to die

[thine_self_untrue]

(((((((((shezbut)))))))))))) I am sorry you feel this way. I hope your lonliness is eased by the people in your life and here on PC.

Isolation is so destructive. I posted this link before. Maybe it will help some: http://www.alive.com/6980a17a2.php?s..._bread_cramb=5

(((((((((( shezbut ))))))))))))

[Michah]

Shez, hold on........great things are coming to you, dear friend.

When you are ready, the Universe will welcome you home......it is waiting patiently, guiding you through this rough terrain, even if you don't feel it, it is there.

You are not alone........and we are with you.

You are part of the fabric that we all share.....

"To make sense of a muddy world, let it be still until it becomes clear". Taoist Proverb

You are loved, you are precious and........you are stronger than you think.

You can do it.

Keep going.......

Michah

[perpetuallysad]

Aww (((shezbut))) I hope you are alright.

[Puffyprue]

(((((((((((((shezbut))))))))))))))))

i wish there is something that i can do so u not feel alone anymore ....

[paddym22]

Shezbut,

In our BPD community I count on you for your posts to the threads, they are so optimistic and helpful, you do a Great job helping us all to cope with such an ugly condition. I really wish I could give you a great big hug to let you know you are not alone and are deeply wanted.

Paddy

[1oxbowgirl]

Hey there Shez, hold on things will get better. Sometimes being alone seems like the worst thing in the world, but its not. Sometimes I get so down that its hard to get back up. But then after days being sad, sleeping to much, and deep depression, then coming to realize that being alone was peaceful cause no one was there yelling at me, hurting me, or telling what to do. So I got creative and used those times for doing things, lots of things I always wanted to do. I painted, and sewed, took long walks and stayed up late watching old movies and sometimes I cried. And it helped. Sure I miss the way things could have been, but I just gritted my teeth and made it though the rough spots. And I have faith that you can do that to. I am here if you need me. 1 Girl

[Typo]

Dear Shezbut

I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad, I know how you feel, I feel very lonely and isolated right now too, we can help each other through this and keep each other company.

Please know you are a very kind and wonderful person, I look foreword to seeing your posts and running into you in chat, you are very cared for and I enjoy having you here as part of this community

Always here for you hun, sending many many hugs and peaceful thoughts to you

(((((((((Shezbut)))))))))

Love
Typo

[Indie'sOK]

(((((((((((((((( shez ))))))))))))))))))))) Hold on, we're here for you Let's just stay here.

[googley]

(((((((Shezbut))))))))
I'm sorry you are feeling alone.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by shezbut

...
alone inside
alone outside...

Such a curse - the same wonder that brings your sad poetry to our eyes limits our response to typed words and smilies.

We can't take your alone-ness away, but know you've touched us.

[shezbut]

Thank you Rohag.

"Thanks for this!" doesn't quite fit my emotions. But I also cannot think of other, better words to say. I appreciate your post.

[shezbut]

Thank you Michah

Thanks for the kind words of encouragement and reassurance that I am not alone afterall.

[shezbut]

Thank you Paddy.

Thank you for pointing out the positive side of me. I appreciate your kind thoughts.

[shezbut]

Thank you 1oxbowgirl.

I appreciate you sharing your way of getting through dark times. We've had some similar struggles, physically, which does reassure emotionally. Thank you for posting.

[shezbut]

Thank you Typo.

Your company is reassuring. I'm sorry that you're living with similar thoughts and feelings though . I suppose that we'll have to keep each other company through these dark times. Thank you for the kind words, Typo.

This is the best description of my malaise:

Loneliness of Spirit:
Deeper than the Reach of Love
by James Park

Loneliness is an aching void in the center of our beings,
a deep longing to love and be loved,
to be fully known and accepted by at least one other person.
It is a hollow, haunting sound sweeping thru our depths,
chilling our bones and causing us to shiver.

Is there a person, anywhere,
who has never felt the stab of loneliness,
who has never experienced
the eerie distance of isolation and separation,
who has never suffered the pain of rejection or the loss of love?

The final rupture or breakdown of a valued loving relationship,
the sudden death of someone who was close and special,
an unavoidable separation from a loved one
—these things strike loneliness into our hearts,
the intense experience of the absence of that specific person.

Besides longing for a specific person,
sometimes loneliness has no name attached.
This is the general feeling of being alone,
isolated, separated from others.

And there is a third kind of loneliness—existential loneliness—
which is even deeper and more pervasive than either of the first two.
It often disguises itself as longing for a specific person
or pretends to be yearning for contact with anyone,
but this deeper lack or emptiness-of-being
is not really a kind of loneliness at all.

Being together with other people, even people we intensely love,
does not overcome this deep incompleteness of being.
This inner default of selfhood has never been solved by relationships,
no matter how good and close and warm our relationships might be.

[shezbut]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

This is the best description of my malaise:

Loneliness of Spirit:
Deeper than the Reach of Love
by James Park

Loneliness is an aching void in the center of our beings,
a deep longing to love and be loved,
to be fully known and accepted by at least one other person.
It is a hollow, haunting sound sweeping thru our depths,
chilling our bones and causing us to shiver.

Is there a person, anywhere,
who has never felt the stab of loneliness,
who has never experienced
the eerie distance of isolation and separation,
who has never suffered the pain of rejection or the loss of love?

The final rupture or breakdown of a valued loving relationship,
the sudden death of someone who was close and special,
an unavoidable separation from a loved one
—these things strike loneliness into our hearts,
the intense experience of the absence of that specific person.

Besides longing for a specific person,
sometimes loneliness has no name attached.
This is the general feeling of being alone,
isolated, separated from others.

And there is a third kind of loneliness—existential loneliness—
which is even deeper and more pervasive than either of the first two.
It often disguises itself as longing for a specific person
or pretends to be yearning for contact with anyone,
but this deeper lack or emptiness-of-being
is not really a kind of loneliness at all.

Being together with other people, even people we intensely love,
does not overcome this deep incompleteness of being.
This inner default of selfhood has never been solved by relationships,
no matter how good and close and warm our relationships might be.

TheByzantine,

Thank you for sharing the poem. Each definition fits my emotions well. The 3rd feeling, existential loneliness, cannot be easily explained. I refer to that feeling inside as emptiness.

That emptiness is the most consuming and distressful. I think that's probably where I am right now, as I do have others in my life who I care for. The emptiness is pervasive. It goes on and on, no matter how much I deny it or pretend that it isn't there.

It's nice to know that others understand how it feels. Sad to know that others regularly experience it.

Thanks again, really.

[Persey]

im always alone too
no friends nor family members to talk to in real life..

maybe we can be friend... although just virtually

hugs

[shezbut]

(((hugs))) to you Persey.

I'll be your friend ~ thanks for offering!

[garden]

So, so true and the best reason to be alone is to be positive.

[Persey]

1. Originally Posted by shezbut

   (((hugs))) to you Persey.

Originally Posted by shezbut

I'll be your friend ~ thanks for offering!

yay
now i have a new friend

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( shezbut ))))))))))))))))