[buffy2]

My husband and I have been seeing a therapist for 18 months. We started seeing her because I had been subjected to years of subtle verbal abuse. Things are not going well. In all this time I have not been able to bring up most of the issues I am concerned with. My husband uses the therapist to analyze and comment on everyday behavior--criticizing mine. The therapist talks at least half the session and brings many, many examples from her own life. She has on several occassions told us what she thinks we should do. Finally, the past several sessions have focused on discussing something that is not a problem.. I have discussed this with the therapist but nothing has changed. What are your thoughts?

[(JD)]

I can't say for sure, I'm not there...

But it could be that T was bringing up stories to help you open up and share. She's realized now (maybe) that it isn't working and needs you to begin to share what needs to be discussed.
If you truly aren't safe discussing those issues, she needs to know. (Meaning if the spouse is going to retaliate after session....)
Maybe you could share a small part of something and then the rest of the time session work is on how to not treat someone after session?
You know what I mean?



Yeah, it's probably time to speak out ... or get out?

What do you think?

Could you get your own therapist, just for you?

[Rapunzel]

Is the subtle verbal abuse you referred to by your husband or someone else? It sounds like the same pattern is playing itself out in the therapy also, as your husband constantly criticizes you. Often, therapy works by providing a medium for those patterns that are a problem in your life, and it can be beneficial when you are able to recognize those patterns and learn how to change them. Even if you were verbally abused by someone other than your husband, recognizing it in therapy gives you a chance to address it. You can ask the therapist if she notices the critical comments also, and talk about how that feels. You might want to consider individual therapy at least for a while, to build your confidence and sense of being empowered to speak up for your needs.

[buffy2]

Thank you. I have just recently started seeing a therapist on my own. I am just so tired of the battle to be acknowleged in couples therapy. I do feel constantly criticized and I am working on understanding the pattern and how I can remove myself from participating in the pattern. Again, thank you for your suggestions and insight.

Originally Posted by Rapunzel

Is the subtle verbal abuse you referred to by your husband or someone else? It sounds like the same pattern is playing itself out in the therapy also, as your husband constantly criticizes you. Often, therapy works by providing a medium for those patterns that are a problem in your life, and it can be beneficial when you are able to recognize those patterns and learn how to change them. Even if you were verbally abused by someone other than your husband, recognizing it in therapy gives you a chance to address it. You can ask the therapist if she notices the critical comments also, and talk about how that feels. You might want to consider individual therapy at least for a while, to build your confidence and sense of being empowered to speak up for your needs.