[dealfrank2005]

i am sleep deprived. haven't been sleeping much b/c i fear going to bed. my anxiety is sky high. i've always loved the sanctity of my bed. this time of year is always tough for me. my brother died around this time (he was an infant, i was 6) and i was sexually abused around this time too. never had this kind of reaction, though. don't want to go to sleep because it means that i am vulnerable - i have no control over my environment. that is scary to me. so i'd rather force myself to stay up than deal with the fear. plus, once i lie in bed, the fear takes over anyway and i can barely sleep. all of my old tricks to help me relax before bedtime and to fall asleep are not working. and when i have found myself sleeping, i keep having scary nightmares. i'm at my wit's end. anyone else been through this.

~amy

sleep

i close my eyes and all
i see is darkness
clawing, gnawing, grasping
for me.

gruesome faces stare at me,
stare past me.

blood flows everywhere.
violence targets me in all directions...
north, south, east, west,
wherever i turn.

sleep brings death to me
many times over,
leaves sticky sweat on
my neck, my arms,
between my legs.

my body jolts, contorts
under the shocking views,
the imagined threats
that feel so real.

my bed - my inner sanctum -
has become my own worst enemy.

march 2010

Have you called your therapist to talk about what is going on? You need help now. Your meds likely need adjustment or an addition.

Give the therapist a call and get some help.

[coko27]

Originally Posted by dealfrank2005

i am sleep deprived. haven't been sleeping much b/c i fear going to bed. my anxiety is sky high. i've always loved the sanctity of my bed. this time of year is always tough for me. my brother died around this time (he was an infant, i was 6) and i was sexually abused around this time too. never had this kind of reaction, though. don't want to go to sleep because it means that i am vulnerable - i have no control over my environment. that is scary to me. so i'd rather force myself to stay up than deal with the fear. plus, once i lie in bed, the fear takes over anyway and i can barely sleep. all of my old tricks to help me relax before bedtime and to fall asleep are not working. and when i have found myself sleeping, i keep having scary nightmares. i'm at my wit's end. anyone else been through this.No Iam sorry you are going through a rough time huggsJust try to relax at night so you can get some sleep.Sleep is so important It helps you to be able to focus the next day .When Iam having rough tmes I listen to relaxing music and take a shower .Please go to the doctor and get some help.And if you need a friend you can count on me.You been through a lot.Last night I was having a rough time I went to bed at eleven oclock and got right back up was having a rough time with my ocd acting up with my brain having racing thoughts.I know its scarey for you but I dont want you having a nervous breakdown because you cant sleep.Thats what happened to my sister she was getting sleep she did not want to so she got so stress out and ended up In the hospital.Before you got to bed at night right down whats bothering you and keep a journal and right down everything you are going through and you will start to feel better.Iam here for you If you ever want to send email or whatever.Keep posting on how you are doing You have courage .And like I say Iam sorry you are going through a rough time .Does your family know about this?

~amy

sleep

i close my eyes and all
i see is darkness
clawing, gnawing, grasping
for me.

gruesome faces stare at me,
stare past me.

blood flows everywhere.
violence targets me in all directions...
north, south, east, west,
wherever i turn.

sleep brings death to me
many times over,
leaves sticky sweat on
my neck, my arms,
between my legs.

my body jolts, contorts
under the shocking views,
the imagined threats
that feel so real.

my bed - my inner sanctum -
has become my own worst enemy.

march 2010

[1flagwriter]

This sounds very serious...Have you called your doc?

What are your plans to deal with this?

[sanityseeker]

dealfrank.... how are you doing? Have you managed to get any sleep? I was wondering when I read your last post what you might do to control your environment. Can you lock your door? Would that make a difference for you? This time of year is hard for me too as I approach the time of my mother's passing and when I lost a child. It is hard especially when it is time to try to sleep. Seems so much comes flooding into my head that makes me sad. That is tough enough, I can't imagine how much tougher it must be to be fearful too. I hope you find a way to cope and overcome this so that you aren't being so drained by it.

I was reminded today of something I was having some success with in overcome fear and anxiety that I thought I would share it with you. It is called 'tapping'. I have heard more and more people talking about it lately and having great results. Unfortunately I am not usually very good at sticking with things since I get bored quickly but when I was doing it consistently for a couple of weeks I was sleeping better and coping better all round.

You can google it if you want to find lots of links but the site I liked the best when I went looking is at http://www.tapping.com/ I joined and get the newsletter now too. I just need to read it when it comes in my email instead of putting it off. lol.

When I googled in 'tapping to overcome fear' I found lots of testimonials of people have success by doing the tapping exercises on a regular basis. Might be something you could try. Can't hurt.

Wishing you well. I think I will go do a few rounds of tapping before I attempt to get some sleep. Didn't sleep last night because of some nagging doubts so maybe it will settle me down for tonight.

Take good care.... let me know if you decide to give it a try. Be thinking of you.

[possum220]

I am sorry that you are going through this time.....

Sometimes when I find it hard to sleep cos there is too much in my head I find it useful to put music/radio on really low, but just enough so your mind gets to focus on something else. Then you can get some sleep. If you need to consider other people then you can use ear plug in one ear.

I certainly would be asking the professionals for their help as other have said too.

Sweet dreams hun...........