[SeptemberMorn]

If bein bi-racial is being a minority, then I'm a minority twice over, maybe even thrice!

I'm Mexican/English, think and feel English but look Mexican. Angela, therefore the comment on being darker than I've ever been this summer. I know that triggered you and I'm sorry. As far as I know, I feel that I am color blind. When I look at a person, I look in their eyes, not their skin color. To me, it's the eyes that tell me who they are.

All of my kids and grandkids are bi and tri-racial. I've got dark grandkids and I've got toe head grandkids. Neither I nor my husband understand why anyone would be considered less than or better than because of their skin color. However, that's not how the whole of society looks at it.

Just like taking an inventory of who you are when searching for self-esteem, Acceptance is the key. You'll find things you like and things you don't like. You Accept the things you can't change and set about changing the things you can.

As for a forum, I'm thinking that it would be as inflamatory as a political or religious forum. I'm so sorry for that. But I'm willing to discuss race and being by-racial with you any time you like.

{{{{{{{{{{{{Angela}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[SweetCrusader]

Okay, it's apparent from the feedback I've received that this kind of forum would not be welcomed here. I apologize for anyone who was upset by this thread. Thanks everyone for your input.

(And thanks for the hugs, Tomi *hugs back*)

Angela

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Angela}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} There's more where those came from.

Love ya!

[LMo]

I support your request for a new forum, and would be happy to support you on those issues as well.
(Angela) (Pat) (JMo's niece) (Tomi) (anyone else)

Thank you, J. I cannot believe the reaction concerning SweetC's simple request.

SweetC, I am as disappointed, as you are. xoxo pat

[SittinSpin]

I can definitely see a need for these issues to be discussed here, but I don't see why they need a separate topic. As many people mentioned, they fit very neatly into the topics we already have..... can someone please explain to me why it couldn't be discussed in those topics? I used to admin a BB and I can tell you that size does matter, you can add too many topics and then it gets difficult to moderate and it loses the sense of community, as people get so spread out they don't interact as much.

[Dolfin]

I think what SweetC was getting at is, there is no comfort zone by utilizing the forums already here. By creating new forums, a lot of the pretenses would be gone, and a member could be more open about the issues they are facing.

It took a lot for SC to even voice this suggestion, and it's unfortunate that people can't see that.

(((((((((( SweetCrusader ))))))))))

(((((((((( Pat ))))))))))

Dolfin

[SweetCrusader]

I asked because, for my own end of it, I have not felt comfortable discussing the specific things I've wanted to, and I haven't felt like they really fit in the forums we already have. Maybe that's my own thing, I don't know. I have attempted to bring up race before in general and had mixed results. I just felt like having a forum geared toward dealing with multicultural issues in mental health might draw in more people who can relate to that, and make a place where those of us struggling with these issues and interested in these issues could interact, and learn, and find support. Some of these things are very, very hard to deal with and feel very isolating. Mixing them all in with the other forums, for me, still feels isolating and marginalizing. Especially since the major rationale for doing so seems to be that having a place that's set up just to talk about this might make people angry or hateful. But I fully admit the feeling of being marginalized may be my own issue here. I'm not immune to biases and distorted thinking, this I know.

There is not a forum here that I feel really does fit quite with the kinds of issues I want to discuss, in the way and in the depth I would like to discuss them. Sure, I could try to break them down into little pieces and distribute them all around where they might fit, so that most people could be more comfortable with them and so that it wouldn't be such an issue that I'm addressing "controversial" issues like race and sexuality. Still, I have a hard time seeing how any of the forums we have fully addresses what I'm looking for, is adequate for the kind of exploration and support I would like to find, or is a "safe zone" to discuss those things.

Obviously I am in the minority in my view that it would be nice to have a place just for these issues. It doesn't sound like too many people here want there to be a forum for it. Okay, fine. Fair enough. I asked for your opinions and I got them.

Thanks for all the input.

[SeptemberMorn]

I think Angela can speak quite well for herself, as you can see. By my own experience, I've found that trying to speak for someone else can get you in trouble. You seem to have gotten lucky this time.

[SeptemberMorn]

Jennie, I think you're right! That would be a great forum for it since it does involve Self-esteem. Good thinking!

[Rapunzel]

((((((((((Angela)))))))))))))

I am sorry that some of the replies here have not been very supportive of you or your proposal. I can see the value of having a place to talk about those issues. While it seems appropriate to discuss them in General, we have seen that not everyone will support it, and I think it's also uncomfortable that threads here move so fast and are replaced with new ones. I prefer posting on the forums that just don't move so fast.

I would encourage you to remember that you did receive many supportive replies also, as well as to keep in mind that you are welcome to talk about those issues on the forums that we already have. I think that sometimes we get a little too rigid about topic fitting exactly with a particular forum, and it should not be that big of a deal. Personally, I would post just about anything that was close to my heart and my feelings on the SI board, just because I am comfortable there. Maybe I'm wrong about that, but it is what I would do.

I mentioned before that I suspect we are a much more diverse group than we tend to think. We have things in common such as mental/emotional struggles and that we are able to look to the internet for support. Those things draw us together and perhaps overcome some barriers that might keep some of us apart in the real world. We're all human, and sometimes it's hard to see past our own beliefs and feelings and reactions and accept others for who they are, differences and all. I know I'd like to be better than I am at that sometimes.

You definitely are right about minority status and issues surrounding it having an impact on mental health. We all have things in life that tie in with our mental health struggles - things like employment status, relationships, parenthood, homelessness, grieving, physical illness, financial struggles, major (or minor) life changes, and the list goes on. Many of those things have their own forums here and some don't but we talk about them still. I can see a place for the things that you want to talk about, and I hope that we can talk about them whether or not a new forum is created, and I hope that people will be supportive. Maybe it's a little harder because feelings run deep in this area.

[Rapunzel]

Or, Self-Esteem could be a very appropriate place too. If I can start a nose-picking thread... LOL Sure, why not take it there?

[SeptemberMorn]

LOL Yeah, Wendy! hehehehe

[Perzephone]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
SweetCrusader said:
I asked because, for my own end of it, I have not felt comfortable discussing the specific things I've wanted to, and I haven't felt like they really fit in the forums we already have.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I personally think it may be a good idea. Even tho I'm mostly uni-cultural, there are a lot of mixed races in my own family, and I know they go through things that I don't... but I'm Pagan, bisexual & polyamorous, so I go through things that they don't... I think you'll find your greatest support with people who feel pressured because of their racial heritage or sexuality or other things they feel are beyond their control, and probably the least support with people who don't see these issues as being 'issues'.

I do see potential for forums like these to become hotbeds of name-calling & self-righteousness, tho. On other bulletin boards I've been involved in, people who out themselves as being other-sexed or other-religioned often are subjected to abuse by people who feel being GLBT or being non-Christian as 100% WRONG. It's often difficult to maintain a sense of respect and tolerance when these subjects are brought into the general public, especially now when, at least in America, there seems to be a definite lean to the 'right' and more conservative values.

[gardenergirl]

While I can see how these issues might fit in well in the existing forums, one of the things I have learned in my coursework and through working with clients who identify with minority status, safety is a huge issue. I think having a separate forum for diversity issues might create that safe place to explore issues such as identity, prejudice, family conflicts, peer conflicts, education and so on. I would imagine that like in life, it is harder for people who are different to talk about that difference, particularly if it is hidden, in the general public. On the internet, we have less access to intuition and "vibes", which help a person assess if they are safe in being vulnerable with someone. Creating a specific place, while not insuring 100 percent safety, would likely facilitate a sense of safety for those who wish to discuss this.

I think it's a great idea, and we can learn from it as well.

gg

[(JD)]

It appears to me that the general assumption being made is that in a specific Minority Forum, everyone will agree! Of course, as shown here, we will all not agree. We can be just as supportive here, as in a special forum. It can't be a forum just for those who view their minority issues their way, and discounting other's minority issues viewpoints, can it? I, personally, have had difficulty with responses by making a statement, as this thread did. (((Sweet))) imo if you would present your own issue for support, I feel the response would be different. We are the same members... we weren't against you, but voicing our opinions; I also felt that is what you wanted to hear... about needing a special forum: not about you wishing support for your feelings. TC

[LMo]

[gardenergirl]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
_Sky said:
It appears to me that the general assumption being made is that in a specific Minority Forum, everyone will agree! Of course, as shown here, we will all not agree.... It can't be a forum just for those who view their minority issues their way, and discounting other's minority issues viewpoints, can it?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I'm not sure what leads to this assumption. There is a difference between feeling safe and having everyone agree. I certainly think that in a diversity related forum, there would be diversity of opinions and experiences. That's one of the beauties of diversity.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I, personally, have had difficulty with responses by making a statement, as this thread did.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Could you elaborate on what you mean by responses making a statement, please? I'm not sure what you mean, but I'd like to understand. Feel free to do this in PM or here.

gg

Personally, it never occurred to me that this was about a forum that everyone would agree in. I hope no one makes that assumption, concerning my posts. I'd like to be able to talk about being bi-racial, with the least amount of judging that I can come by. And, it certainly wouldn't be a forum where no one else could come and post. I guess we can just agree to disagree about the needs of part of the community. pat

[(JD)]

Even in discussing the opinions regarding the need for a forum for this, civility is being stretched (by negating another's opinion posted.) I'm still unclear about how a new forum would automatically make everyone agree.

[wisewoman]

Sweet, I see that each of us is a minority in some way. No, I am not belittling your feelings about being bi-racial, or your sexuality. I deal with the racial/cultural stuff all of the time and it's not the way most people would thing. This is a rich area for discussion. It has been a major theme in my therapy as well. As for sexuality. That one takes guts. You would be surprised how many know the places you have been and are going. I think that a current forum would better act as a place to discuss these issues and I also believe that maybe using p.m.s to a select group of people who you feel safe with might be a great way to start. I hope you feel supported in this endeavor and good job being so brave!

[SeptemberMorn]

Of course a forum wouldn't make people suddenly agree with any one person's oppinion. I think that statement got stretch a little out of shape. But there is always someone who will take one minute point and stretch it for all it's worth instead of seeing the whole picture. IMHO, it detracts from the real subject at hand. Maybe it's a way of avoiding the real issue? I don't know. Maybe it's resistance. That happens in any conversation, any subject and any forum, I think, because there will always be a person or two that tend to do that. Isn't that how Doc John explained "hijacking" a thread? I didn't agree with him then, but I'm beginning to see it now.

[Rapunzel]

Hey everyone, I'm going to make a request. An idea has been proposed, and we have lots of reactions to it here. Can we please let this thread drop for now? It's gotten to the point where it isn't about the original poster's needs anymore, but more about everyone's thoughts about having this proposed new forum and what it would be like. Let's all hang on for a bit and sit on what we already have, ok? It's starting to get kind-of repetitive and I'm concerned that hard feelings will result. Thanks for understanding.

Rap

[SittinSpin]

Of course, a minority forum would also be a target for those people who cannot resist starting up a tempest. I used to belong to an athiest bb and there are certain religious fundamentalists who CANNOT resist going in there to start preaching, it was like we had a banner hung up that said "come in here and pick on us for our beliefs" Just something to think about...