[0171292]

so i truanted today. again. i just can't stand college anymore, the way i'm always on my own and the way people stare at me and how i can hear them saying stuff about me and laughing. i do photography, and i'm the only person doing it which means i haven't made any friends. i'm sometimes sent around to take pictures of things, and all i get is snide remarks like "you're supposed to buy things from the vending machine, not take pictures of it." or even when i don't have a camera with me, i'll get people shouting "say cheese" or "snap snap" behind me. it's getting to the point where i can't sleep at night, which makes me look rougher than ever - attracting more stares. i cried all night last night, begging my mum to let me stay at home. i couldn't bring myself to dry my hair because it symbolized having to go, and i smashed my head on the bathroom wall in vain hope that i'd pass out and get to stay at home. i don't want to quit, because i quit art and design and if i quit another course, they won't let me onto the media course next year. i'm hoping i make friends on that one, because if not, my future is officially over. it feels like everything is going wrong, and i feel like absolute rubbish all the time. i fear that if i have another manic freak-out last night... who knows what will happen. i'm in such a mess, what do i do?

[DfendrOfEmilysHeart]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((( Em )))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Does anyone IRL know about this ?

[0171292]

i talked to my T about how i hate college, and how i dread going. but i haven't seen her since yesterday.

[DfendrOfEmilysHeart]

When are you going to see her next ?

[0171292]

well it should have been tuesday, but i think i might have community service again. (i've not been bad, it's part of the course! i'm helping the environment AND i get away from college.) i want her to just say that i am "unable to complete this course, due to medical issues" and i will be happy. it's not like i get a qualification anyway.

[DfendrOfEmilysHeart]

I am so sorry you're having a hard time.

Just remember it will get better.

[0171292]

i hope so bry, i hope so. thank you for replying.

[DfendrOfEmilysHeart]

anytime ly ((((((((((((( emily'sheart ))))))))))))))))))))))))

[1flagwriter]

How are you doing today?

[eskielover]

Are you on meds?....sounds like something is out of balance that just the thinking process can't fix.......just a thought. I have had so many bad feelings going on that I couldn't even do the most simple class in college, but your photo class & taking photos should't cause you this much difficulty.....sounds as though you are hearing what people are saying in a very wrong way....not what they are meaning, or people who are teasing with what they are saying, but not really being mean. Whatever the reason that their comments & looks are causing you negative reactions however, is something that needs fixed......& something that sounds like meds might be able to help. Sounded like you wanted a way out of taking your class if you could get one, but sometimes it's best if we can get trough it, it gives a bit more energy to keep going. If it's a med thing that needs handled, it can make the difference between night & day.....

Something you might want to think about. Would be a shame to throw away something you love to do because your body chemistry is a bit out of balance & meds can help & keep you in the balance you need to be.

Take care of yourself....& look after your future to be able to take care of yourself.
hoping for your best care

[0171292]

i'm feeling a little more chilled out today, thank you 1flagwriter. four day weekend! and i'm not on meds at the minute, but my doctor and my T are in talks and might decide on it. the only problem is, i can't swallow tablets!

[OrangeMoira]

I'm sorry there are people at school saying mean things. No one deserves that. It's hard to stay positive and feel good about yourself when other people are trying to drag you down. Try to remember that everyone doesn't think that way; it's just the bad ones you're hearing.

I love photography but I can't even take a snapshot in focus! I wish I knew how to take pictures. Have you checked out any of the artist or photo communities online like deviantart or flickr? There are some really nice and supportive people who contribute art on those sites. Maybe it would help to find people you have photography in common with, since no one else in your program does it.

I'm glad you are feeling better and that you talked to your T about it. Relax and take care of yourself this weekend!

How long have you been experiencing these feelings? Your treatment does not seem to be working. Copy your post for your therapist. Make sure the therapist knows just how much your life is being affected.

Get your meds checked too.

Good luck.

How are you doing, numbers?

[Junerain]

Sounds like a day out of the life of my college experience, sad to say..

I ended up coming home, taking time off, then transferring to a college within miles of my parent's house, where I stayed.

And yes medication.....this is the age where mental illness enfolds I'm afraid..

My meds did help, along with group therapy, and individual therapy..

Best of luck to you

things did improve for me eventually, now I am quite happy, took 13 years, but they did.