[spacecase]

My sister may be moving across the country and this situation really has me thinking. I just can't get over the overwelming anxiety about her moving away, and I realize now that it's because I'm SOOO dependent on her. She does everything for me and with me. I've never done anything on my own and don't know how because she or someone else has always been their. I can't drive alone. I get too panicy at the thought of driving alone. I can't go to the doctor alone. I can't even go to school alone, my sister drives me. I don't have a job and don't think I can maintain one if I wanted to, especially with school. I'm 18, almost 19. I need to learn how to be independent. I'm so sheltered it's rediculous. I feel like a little kid. I'm so immature. I just don't know if I can take care of myself. I don't know where to even start and I'm terrified.

Hello, spacecase. As long as your sister is here, perhaps you could do the driving and your sister could be be the passenger? Driving with you sister along will allow you to attain confidence. Of course, at some point you will have to go solo, perhaps to a place close to home.

Are you in college? Are you looking for work? You never know what you can do until you try.

One last thing. Yes, stepping outside your comfort zone is scary. Self-deprecation is not the answer. Breaking down the tasks you want to perform into more manageable steps is part of the solution. Negative chatter is an impediment.

You are a valuable person, spacecase. Love yourself. Be well.

[little*rhino]

Do you have a therapist? If not, now might be a good time... because what you are describing is the very sort of thing a good cbt therapist is ideal to help with. That's because the problem isn't really that you can't but that you believe that you can't. I mean, truthfully, you can walk into a doctor's office without assistance, in a literal sense... but the thoughts and feelings about doing so make it seem impossible. A good therapist can help you look at why that is, what to do about it and how to gain that independence you are now wanting.

Congrats by the way on seeing that dependence and wanting to change it - that's a huge and positive first step!

Another thing to look at are anxiety resources online, and a specific book my own T recommended called The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook. You'll find that your fears, etc., are not uncommon, you aren't weird or alone in this. Others have made it through it and so can you.

The suggestions about trying to take on a bit more while your sister is still here is also valuable. Think in terms of little steps. If you think about the big things it gets to feel like too much. Break everything down into the smallest steps possible - be ridiculous about it - and try to reward yourself lavishly when you complete any of them successfully. Don't give up when you don't get it right the first time. Keep pushing yourself to keep trying because if you pull away the world gets smaller and smaller. It will probably hurt and be scary but remember, it is fear that stops you and not any real lack of ability... and fear can't really hurt you. Being brave is being afraid and doing it anyway.

Find intermediate steps... like maybe find friends that are willing to go along as passengers in the car, or places you can tag long to just to be out more... you can do this.

best of luck - stay brave!

[1flagwriter]

Spacecase...I really can't offer any better advice than that of the Byzantine. But, I can wish you the best of luck!

How are you doing, spacecase?

[ruffy]

Spacecase,
Youd be surprise of what you capable of doing. My sister is the same way as yours. She does everything for me. Just take baby steps of faith...M&M (minute by minute) I think its the fear of the unknown thats even scarier than the unknown.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you...Isaiah