[inkblot]

I think that in reality he wants me to give his voice mail a break and that the only way to accomplish that might be to put me under the watchful eye and safety of a hospital. It *would* give him a break. But I don't think I can do that right now. Yeah, the med I am on right now hasn't worked since I received the emails from my ex's girlfriend. But give me a new med(s) and who's to say that I won't double-up on that, too? Going to a hospital for an evaluation doesn't mean I will tell them everything either! I did some "pharmaceutical research" while I was online earlier then went to the store, so I am a little high right now. I didn't tell my T what I took but that it was over-the-counter, so he is definitely unsure about that. I have abused the guy so much--his voice mail/pager number. I really, really owe him. I don't know what I can do to repay him for doing that to him. Okay, I get impulsive. That's how I seek attention, how I cope and more. It's hard to come out and say "I need help." So I get obnoxious. I have an appointment on Monday. Would it be odd to take my T flowers to "make up" for what I have put him through? I hate doing it to people and annoying them with voice mails, emails and the like, but it serves a purpose for the moment so I do it. I think my T knows that I probably won't be going to the hospital for an eval and med adjustment. I told him that it's new to me and he seemed to understand. I can't wait till Monday for the appointment. I am going to be so embarrassed! But so relieved to finally be there. We talked for a FAST 27 minutes on the phone tonight. I had finally left him a message that if he had a magic wand, I could use it--I'd take it and offered my phone number. At the end of the call he asked what am I going to do tonight--I said try not to bug him too much. He was looking for me saying that I wouldn't take/do anything, maybe I'd go for the eval, etc. I didn't make any promises, though. I walked over a mile to be online right now and brought some "supplies" with me. I didn't drive. I have some sense about me not to do that. I wish I could be in a room with all of you in real life, in a great big, long hug.

[SeptemberMorn]

Inky, it doesn't sound like you're really helping yourself taking OTC meds! What do you want from your T? Sounds like today was the first time you got to talk to him?

What's so bad about going to a hospital and getting your meds adjusted?? Things wouldn't be so rough on you in the end and you'd be taken care of while you were there. No worries about what you're going to eat or drink, where to park your car where it's safe, etc., etc. When I went, once I started connecting with some of the people there, I really enjoyed myself. Weird, huh? But I did! No worries and everything was structured just enough to give you a sense of security.

Really, really hope you change your mind and do what's best for you.

[jmo531]

(((((((((((((((((((((((Inky)))))))))))))))))))))))

Your a good person. I agree with Sept, taking OTC medications is not good for you. I am sorry your hurting so badly right now. Hurting yourself is not the answer. Thinking of you and sending hugs your way.

[January]

(((((((((((((((((((Inky))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Please reconsider going in the hospital. Taking otc meds isn't good for you and isn't going to help you a bit. You need more intensive care than what your t can offer you at the moment. Please go to the hospital. We all care about you and we all want what is best for you. Go get some help, Inky.

Many hugs,

Jan

[inkblot]

Thanks everyone. I was so high last night from that OTC med I took. It just kept building and lasted half the night, at least. I had to walk back to my car/home/parkinglot(?!) about a mile or so away and that was kind of scary. It was like being drunk without the alcohol. And from an OTC medication! My reaction to the initial response to my request being denied to have less of a work schedule was--for a moment--to do it again. It past quickly and I tried to distract myself. But later there was another response, if you haven't read my post about work and mental health issues yet. I don't know how the weekend will go. I've got to at least have caffeine. I've only left 3 voice mails for my T today. Doubt that he is too happy about that.

[drunksunflower]

What OTC stuff would make you high like that?

oh please take care!

x