AntiSocial Dad

Ok, I need advice.

I have a situation on my hands which is frustrating the hell out of me and I dont know what to do. It's a pretty serious situation too.

My dad is a sociopath (which is the older and more easily recognized term of Anti Social Personality Disorder).

This means he is incapable of empathy and loving other people. Instead, he finds joy in smashing others down emotionally, breaking them down inside and outside. He beat my mom, molested me. He also beat his first wife.

Instead of loving, he relates to others by seeing them as objects. "Oh this person makes me look good" (like a shiney new car). But he also enjoys dating women who are very successful, and then methodically breaks them down for his own amusement. Its his way of making himself feel in control of his life.

And hey, i feel sad for him. He will never know what love is, which is mutual respect from both parties.

Continuously throughout the years ever since I reported him to Child Protective Services he has guilted me "why wont you visit me?" 'youre a bad daughter!"

Now, he is trying...damn he has never stopped trying to get back into my life. I think it must make his girlfriends wonder "why dont you talk to your daughter?" and he gives them this "oh my ex wife was evil and turned my daughter against me" spiel. Oh poor me poor me *whimper whimper*

As of late my dad has been dating this new girl and brags about how she is so intelligent. (evidence of a good-tear-down job) and has been redoubling his efforts to try and get into my life.

I dont want to talk to him. I don't want to talk to him at all. But my mom is like "talk to him for the inheritence" because my dad is a vice president of some company. and my aunt is like "lets keep the peace" discouraging me from cutting off all contact.

I know my father is poison. I know that there is a good chance he deeply resents me for turning him into child protective services and one day...one day...he is going to "punish" me for it. He is absolute poison. His family wants to play hush hush and my mom wants me to endure him for inheritence. My uncle wants me to "take care of" my dad like he did for his father (who was also sociopathic)

I'm really not sure what to do or how to handle my dad. What should I do?

Hello, SophiaG. My view is you should go with your instincts.

I don't see him being able to punish you or "break you down" without your cooperation. From what you've said, the prospect of that inheritance is the biggest, perhaps the only, leverage he has on you at the moment.

If* I were dealing with someone I considered poison like that:

• If I did ever choose to resume halfway normal contact with them it would have to be on my own terms, in my own time, and only after it was entirely clear I wasn't being bribed to do so.

• I'd expect to pay dearly in advance for any inheritance I might ever get from them.

• I wouldn't count on actually seeing any of the money.

• If by some miracle I did end up with an inheritance out of the deal, I wouldn't expect to enjoy it much.

• I'd expect everyone who'd been urging me to go after the inheritance to swarm around as long the loot lasted, in the hope that I'd share more of it with them than with the other contenders.

Your mileage may vary. Good luck!

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*Like the Navy about nukes, it is my policy neither to confirm nor to deny that I am.

((((((((((((((Sophia))))))))))))))))))

Please, please PLEASE procced with caution with your dad,

Fooze has some great points as does Byz,

Trust your gut! I know there is great pressure from your family to make peace, keep hush hush, etc for various family member's own motives, but you have to think for yourself as well hun, we are not resoniable for anyone's actions but our own, self care plays a big role here, you need to care for you!

Let us know how your doing dear duckling

Mucho Love
Typo

I mean yeah it took my mom YEARS to get over what my dad did to her. We all were still hearing my dad screaming at us for a while after he left (which is sort of like PTSD). He wasnt even there and we could still hear him screaming.

and today she says to me after I get pissed over the fact that people are basically pressuring me to talk to my dad "dont do anything stupid Sophia" meaning "dont cut off contact with your father you might regret it later"

She must be blocking things. I know I do whenever I visit my dad (which is infrequent).

I'm going to have to think about this because I deeply resent having to go and have Christmas with my dad's family and act like everything is ok when it's not. What my dad did was unacceptable and people want to act like it never happened.

Why do they keep wanting to create a faccade to make my dad look good when he's not? Why do they "protect" him? Loyalties. Family loyalties I guess.

Well I dont know about you but some things just...you can forgive but you cannot forget.

Sophia...

My Sperm Donor is Sociopathic as well. He shares several of the traits you wrote about yours.

I know it is hard. Please remember that your family loves you, but they have been taken by your father in one way or another as well. They are, in their own way, sick for thinking it is right to expect you to be anywhere near him. I constantly struggle with protecting myself from my father. He can be so sweet and seem so loving when he wants to...and he just reels you in and once he knows he's got you close enough he knows he can begin to break you down all over again. They love that game, and what makes them "love" us is the fact that we will continually come back for more which feeds them and allows them to feel more powerful.

A couple months ago, my dad contacted me by email. He is not allowed to have my phone number or my home address, though he probably has found it online. But he told me that he was reworking his retirement fund and that if I would give him my social security number he would put me as beneficiary. I said "No Thanks". As far as I'm concerned...he can leave it to his dog. My family thinks I'm crazy, but then I think back to a few years ago when he got remarried. He actually asked me if I would be a surrogate mother for him and his new wife!! Can you imagine...a father asking his daughter to carry and give birth to his child for him and his wife? Disgusting!!

I say stay away. Your inner self is smart and is telling you this for a reason. With time to grow inside and some therapy to help you along the way, maybe someday you'll be able to let him into your life, but you need to be sure you will be strong enough to recognize when he is playing you and you are in danger.

Take good care.

I take it the official way to determine what's stupid and what's not, is to ask her?

I guess it could be that; or keeping the peace; or, on the maximally-cynical end of the spectrum, they could be hoping for a shot at the inheritance. Or: they could be concerned that if too much dirty laundry were to get aired, even some of theirs might eventually be included.