[buttrfli42481]

I am not sure if this fits here or not, but I find it easier to tell all at once than several times.

For the past 2 weeks I was in the psych ward. I semi-admitted myself. I say semi, because this happened in 2 parts.

Part 1: I began having those horrid thoughts of life not being worth it again. I drove myself to the hospital in the morning of April 12th, thinking they wouldn't keep me, as I didn't have a direct plan. Several hours later, I was waiting for a bed. I ended up staying until around noon that Friday.

Part 2: When I left, I was still feeling bad and contacted my T who told me to call the hotline. I asked her which hotline to call (DV shelter, or SU). I ended up calling the shelter line, not knowing that my T had already contacted them that I would be calling. While I was on the phone with the shelter, they were on the phone with the cops, who then showed up at my door. Of course I tried to talk my way out of it, but they wouldn't back down. Said I had to go in. My mom even tried talking them out of it to no avail. So, back I go, this time to a different hospital. At about 11pm April 16th, I was back in the hospital waiting for yet another bed. This was my semi-self admitance.

I was released today (4-22) feeling much better. I am still fighing the depression, but the horrid thoughts are gone. I find it rather strange how the same hospital system has 2 totally different psych wards and ways of dealing with patients.

I am getting ready to celebrate my 29th b-day this Saturday, and have decided that it is the start of my new life. I hope this might bring someone else the strength to realize that it is not "crazy" or "stupid" to admit that you need help. It is one of the bravest things a person can do, if not the bravest. Don't be afraid to reach out for help, there is always a helping hand out stretched for you.

[Yoda]

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((buttrfli42481))))

Thank you for sharing. I am glad you are back and feeling better. Know we are here for you. Sending you gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps

[sugahorse1]

Welcome back. I'm in a similar situation in that I can happily admit I need help; in my mind that's medication and friends to talk to. I'm really scared it reaches a stage where what i actually need is to go to hospital...

You have been brave and it appears to have rewarded you by making you feel better

[Sabrina]

Thank you so much for posting buttrfli. I am so glad that you got help and practiced such good self care when you needed it most. I had noticed your absence and am glad that you are back, safe and feeling much better. Be proud of yourself. You did good.

[SWA 1971]

Originally Posted by buttrfli42481

I am not sure if this fits here or not, but I find it easier to tell all at once than several times.

For the past 2 weeks I was in the psych ward. I semi-admitted myself. I say semi, because this happened in 2 parts.

Part 1: I began having those horrid thoughts of life not being worth it again. I drove myself to the hospital in the morning of April 12th, thinking they wouldn't keep me, as I didn't have a direct plan. Several hours later, I was waiting for a bed. I ended up staying until around noon that Friday.

Part 2: When I left, I was still feeling bad and contacted my T who told me to call the hotline. I asked her which hotline to call (DV shelter, or SU). I ended up calling the shelter line, not knowing that my T had already contacted them that I would be calling. While I was on the phone with the shelter, they were on the phone with the cops, who then showed up at my door. Of course I tried to talk my way out of it, but they wouldn't back down. Said I had to go in. My mom even tried talking them out of it to no avail. So, back I go, this time to a different hospital. At about 11pm April 16th, I was back in the hospital waiting for yet another bed. This was my semi-self admitance.

I was released today (4-22) feeling much better. I am still fighing the depression, but the horrid thoughts are gone. I find it rather strange how the same hospital system has 2 totally different psych wards and ways of dealing with patients.

I am getting ready to celebrate my 29th b-day this Saturday, and have decided that it is the start of my new life. I hope this might bring someone else the strength to realize that it is not "crazy" or "stupid" to admit that you need help. It is one of the bravest things a person can do, if not the bravest. Don't be afraid to reach out for help, there is always a helping hand out stretched for you.

Good for you! I'm glad you're better. I actually spent 2 1/2 days & 3 nights in a psych. hospital too, recently (March 30-April 2). I was also feeling suicidal & had plans. I emailed my psychologist at home (I'm an hour & half away at school again) to tell her. Why I didn't call, I don't know. She & my dietician emailed me back, & I talked to my dietician. Both wanted me to go to the ER, so I did. I called them from the ER (& had to leave a voicemail for my psychologist) to let them know I was going to a psych hospital. I think my psychologist also emailed my psychiatrist.

I brought nothing with me except for my purse, & when I found out I was being admitted, I couldn't go home (my apt. is just up the street from the reg. hosp.) to get anything. I, too, had to ride in a police car to the psych hospital, where I was admitted late that night. I admit, it was scary being discharged, but I knew I couldn't stay there forever!

Anyway, I'm sorry if I hijacked your post! I just wanted to let you know you're certainly not alone! It's definitely okay to get help.

[slowinmi]

((((((buttrfli))))))

I'm so happy that you got help. I've missed you here, my friend. Know that we were thinking of you. I'm wishing you well and sending big hugs and happy thoughts. Please continue to take care of you.

slow

[ruffy]

(((Buttrfli))) Its nice to know that the system works, even when we dont want it to at the time. Makes me feel safer knowing this. Thank you for helping us learn how to keep ourselves safe by sharing your experience. So glad you are feeling better. Welcome back!

How are you doing, buttrfli42481?

[buttrfli42481]

I am doing better. Ready to tackle the week ahead. Each day at a time. Hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second. I know that I am not alone in this fight, and that I cannot do it by myself. Thanks for asking.

[Sabrina]

You have a wonderful attitude. Good for you!

buttrfli42481, hope you had a happy birthday.

[(JD)]

That's what hospitals are for ... and I am so proud of you for doing what was in your best interest, even as difficult as it was. I firmly believe that most people feeling so desperate are not really wanting to end their life, but want their life -as it is- to end. Begin again, make the changes you need in your life so that you can enjoy it again. I know some say they can't make that change, but if it's the choice of dying or changing, I think changing at any cost is worth it.

Counter those negative thoughts. You can do this. You've felt better in the past, and can again.