[wisewoman]

Okay, the kid lied and snuck out and got got and got beliggerent with me and the police came and because she is 17 they would not take her or place her in a foster home. She shoved me but didn't hit me so I could press no charges. They made her go to her room and we can't seem to find any safe place for her. She denies feeling suicidal, I would love to get her hospitalized. I feel pretty hopeless right now and am supposed to go back to work tomorrow. Oh NO!!!!!!!!!

[Flutter]

(((((((((((((((((((wisewoman))))))))))))))))))))))

For now she is home and that is good. Try to get some sleep tonight so you are rested to deal with this and work tomorrow. Please try to rest and take care of yourself.

[wanttoheal]

So totally understand ww. we have a boy in similar situation. good luck to you.

[jmo531]

(((((((((((((((Wisewomen)))))))))))))))

I dont know what to say. I wish some peace and resolution would come to an end for you regarding this situation. I am so sorry your having to deal with this. I am not sure in which state you live in, but here in Virginia, if the police respond to a domestic dispute, any type of physical contact constitutes assult and the police aoutomatically have to press charges.

Are you afraid of her? Afraid that she will hurt you or one of the other children? If that is the case, can you not have her removed based on that?

I am praying for peace for you and your family. I know its hard to do, but please sit back, take some deep breaths, close your eyes and try to take a minute for yourself.

Much love and peace to you,

Jen

[Rapunzel]

We need some special programs for seventeen-year-olds. Too young quite to be treated like an adult (and they don't have a clue what is going to hit them on their next birhday), and too close to being an adult for the children's programs and services to do much either. We worry about it when we get 17-year-olds where I work, because although some of them do well, many of them know their parents can't make them stay past their birthday so they just sit there and mark their time. I really feel for you. I don't know what I would do in your situation - maybe keep pushing for help from the youth services, even if it could only be for a short time, she still falls under their responsibility for now. It isn't right that we have this gap and kids are in limbo because they are about to make the transition to adults. We need some kind of transition program for troubled teens/young adults, that can not only fill that gap, but stay with them through the transition.

Turning 18 was abrupt for me also. I turned 18 and moved from Texas to New Mexico all in the same week. In one place I was a kid - a high school student/recent graduate. Then suddenly I was a college student and an adult. My driver's licence expired when I moved, since they expire when you turn 18, and I had to take the driving test again in order to get a new one, because I was in a different state with an expired license. I was also on my own for the first time, since even though I was forced to move along with my parents, I had to go out ahead of them to start school on time. I didn't know anyone at all. It was a completely different life.

I can only imagine what that's like for kids who are struggling with the things your daughter is, or worse things. This is a real shortfalling in our society.

Rap

[January]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((WW)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry that I have no words of advice, but my thoughts and best wishes are with you.

Many hugs,

Jan

[(JD)]

Sigh. Well, stay friendly with them. Take "comfort" in that even THEY don't know what to do??????

[wisewoman]

No resources available. She is going to live with them tomorrow. Hubby and she discussed. It is heartbreaking. I feel like I have 14 years down the tubes for nothing. One of the therapists seems to think this is a short term thing. I doubt that. She wants out and I feel like a horrible failure. The youngest is telling me to hold onto her and give her no choice, that this is where she belongs. The oldest says chain her in the basement. I asked him to call her and tell him in a nice way how he felt about the whole deal. Something inside has to change. I feel very shakey. You are right Rap, we do nothing for these kids. She is marching back into the cesspool she came from. I hope she keeps up on the depo shots. A pregnancy would hurt more then anything, the thought of another child growing up in this mess. I am tired, I think I am very sad, I am angry. We took the plates off the car and cancelled the insurance and gave her a bill of sale for $1.00 and signed the title. Maybe a little reality will hit when she goes to register the car and insure it.

My hubby wants to leave the door open so she can always come back to her family. He is right, I know it, but I want her to take every stinkin thing out of that room so there is no sigh of her. I want to paint it and make it ours again. She has so much crap in there. Why did I do this? Why did I adopt thinking I could help change a life? Poop. I feel feelings that are scarey to me and I just want peace.

[(JD)]

"Train up a child in the way she should go and when she is OLD she will not depart from it. " (alteration of he/she mine) Doesn't mean they won't take a few side roads on the way to wisdom

[wisewoman]

I hope so Sky.

[bebop]

ww in an earlier post about this child I think you said she would be 18 in a couple of months right? I think really you have to let her go. I had to kick my son out when he was just 18 because he would do nothing but lay around the house and do nothing...smoke pot...sponge off me....he learned really fast to grow up. I sent him out of the state. Just a short time later he cried and told me it was the best thing I could have ever done for him. Today he makes over 50k a yr and doing great! keep your chin up hon. somehow it will work out..you have done your job as a mom and did your best. don't kick yourself over this hon...we are in this together.

[wisewoman]

thanks bebop

[Parker10]

I am really sorry that you have been thru so much with her and it is clear how hard you tried to help her ! I hope she comes to realize just how much you did do for her, and will come around. I think her going to live with them might be the best thing ....at least for you and the rest of your family. Take time after sh has gone to rest, decompress, and know in your heart you did ALL that you could do for her ! She was lucky to have been raised by you, and some day, she will realize that.

[wisewoman]

I hope so. But it hurts and I am too filled up with hurt to know anything now.

[cat_eye]

((((((((((wisewoman))))))))))

[wisewoman]

She's gone, moved today. Left her room full of trash and stinky. IU just advertised her entertainment center on freecycle. Will probably do more. I know, I was going to be a grown up and keep her room for her but I am not feeling very kind right now with the pig-stye she left. My youngest is sad and angry and my oldest says tie her to a beam in the cellar. Hmmm, that's a thought, with a logging chain?

[wisewoman]

So, she moved yesterday and left her room trashed. My youngest is very upset that she abandoned her family and that she has not called her. Tonight she was sad and quiet and we got a call from friends and went boating and swimming and had a good time. It was good for her. She wants so much to be a grown up right now, post highschool and leave home and try some things before college. She is fragile and I don't want her too far away. My friend who is 6 feet plus pulled her off the boat to swim with us. It was all good. it's about being present and having joy in the moment.

I went to the dentist today. I had not been for a long time because we owed this one practice $1,000. When hubby cashed in his retirement we paid bills and that was one. i have been walking around with a fractured tooth and crown and crazy gluing it. Speak of poverty. Well, he pulled the rest of the tooth today, a new dentist that knows about poverty and such. It was not painful. I think I have a great pain tolerance but what was funny and I now see as an anxiety response is the hot flashes and nausea. It felt like he should have put his foot on my head and pulled, talk about pressure. Anyway, I have stiches and this weird thing under them that tastes funny. Hubby made me eggs. it was the only thing I could think of that was the least bit attractive. And I never eat eggs.

Anyway, I am feeling like I have wasted about 25 years of my life doing foster care and adopting this kid. I feel like our lives have become too complicated and I want to simplify.

I am getting rid of "stuff" all of the time now. No needless belongings, less work, more play. I frreecycled daughter's entertainment center and two dressers. I want to not have clutter and junk. Somehow that will make me feel more calm.

My son was rude to me on the phone and I told him he could not speak to me in that way. My T has been trying to teach me that. I was so proud.

The youngest had her first comprehensive appointment with new doc, (my doc) today and she was great. She recommended EMDR but the t she is seeing does not do it. I don't know what in which direction we should head because she has OCd and we need to do the exposure and response prevention but she also has a locked up trauma.

Life is so complicated.

The biggest thing that i am practicing is being here now, in the moment. I really want to find joy and comfort.

[jbug]

(((((((((((((((((((((ww))))))))))))))))))))))))) I hope this is a beginning of a good life for you.

Janniebug