[Amanda_1981]

I've been going through so much trial and error lately with my medications. Up until a few days ago, I was actually feeling so much better and thought I was finally on the right meds. But now, my anxiety is through the roof (and when I say that, I mean it is literally so bad that I am shaking and crying all the time and so scared that I'm going to die). About a month ago, my neurologist put me on epival to help with my siezures and told me it would also help with my anxiety. And it did, for a bit, but now I feel like I'm back to square one. I was doing so well with my insomnia and my moods and anxiety and now I feel like the anxiety and panic is consuming me again. The past few nights, all I seem to focus on is dying and the 'what ifs'. It's frustrating because when I get that anxious, I wish I had a benzo (ativan or xanax) to take to calm me down because I've convinced myself that I'm going to die of fright. But my doctor won't give it to me anymore, as I've been known to get addicted to them in the past. I think maybe part of the reason why my anxiety is getting worse again is that my family is falling apart. My uncle is in jail for assault on his girlfriend and my aunt is in the psych ward because she stabbed her husband with a pen. Maybe it is affecting me more than I think, I don't know, but lately all I can seem to focus on is my intense fear of dying and I hate just feeling so nervous and jittery and antsy all the time. My anxiety is so bad that I've been resorting to taking 4 gravols (motion sickness pills) each night to relax me and help me sleep, but now I'm becoming immune to them. I feel like I'm hitting rock bottom again and I hate how bad my anxiety and panic attacks have become.

Sorry to ramble on, I just need to vent I guess. I see my new pdoc in two weeks but at the rate my anxiety is getting worse, I don't know if I can wait that long

I hate this

Amanda_1981, please do not wait. The psychiatrist needs to know you are having a terrible time. Good luck.

[lynn P.]

((Amanda1981)) - sorry you're having such a hard time. Try not to worry about your family members - we can't control what they do. I don't know if this would help but this is what I think about death - when it's our time to die, it'll happen. This doesn't mean we shouldn't lead a safe life lol but we also shouldn't worry prematurely. You may live till 100 -I want to live to 100+ - so imagine lively that long and how many years spent worrying. Wouldn't this be a waste? Have you tried yoga or meditation? How about natural remedies -I heard Bache Rescue Remedy is good and so is magnesium. I don't know if this helps.

[Naturefreak]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Amanda_1981, please do not wait. The psychiatrist needs to know you are having a terrible time. Good luck.

My thoughts exactly. Hope you feel better soon Amanda

[NuckingFutz]

Hey Amanda, time to call pdoc. My anxiety would be through the roof too. Life at home is hard too...I remember how you described it. Agree with Lynn too...meditation and yoga. Deep breathing exercises help me the most and the fastest. Keeps my heart from racing. I think slow breathing will help you a lot too. You know, meds are good up to a point. If we learn healthy coping skills such as creating a safe and peaceful home environment for my family, teaching the kids family values they can pass on to their own families. Getting out and playing with the kids in tie yard? You know, blowing off some steam?

[Amanda_1981]

Thanks everyone I think part of what made my anxiety worse again (aside from the family drama that's going on) is that I hadn't slept in almost two days and had barely eaten anything because I had lost my appetite because I was so anxious. I find that my anxiety is always at its worst when I don't sleep enough or eat enough throughout the day. I also have now completely cut caffeine out of my diet and have noticed a big difference from that. It's weird because sometimes I can handle caffeine, but other times I can't. I guess the caffeine hits me hard when I'm lacking sleep and nutrients. I see my pdoc on Tuesday so hopefully I will be ok until then. I hate the fact that I've been resorting to taking motion sickness pills to help relax me and help me sleep. I'm hoping my pdoc will maybe give me klonopin or something similar that's long lasting to relax me at night and help me sleep. I am definitely feeling better today, now that I finally slept and am forcing myself to eat and cut out the caffeine.

Thanks everyone for your support and advice.. I appreciate it! I will keep you updated on how I'm doing. Thanks again..

[Perna]

Yes, one thing that helps me is the acronym H.A.L.T. Check that you aren't too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. Those can make things worse when we don't suspect them.

I'm glad you got some sleep and are eating better and that limiting the caffeine is helping.

How are you doing, Amanda_1981?

[ruffy]

I've been resorting to taking 4 gravols (motion sickness pills) each night to relax me and help me sleep[quote]

(((Amanda))) Please let your pdpc know what you have had to resort to taking for your anxiety. I hope youve been able to get an emergency appointment. Feel better soon.

[Amanda_1981]

Thanks everyone

I am now taking clonazepam (klonopin) at night and have noticed a huge difference with my anxiety. I think that and stopping the caffeine has helped tremedously. Doing so much better now (for the most part anyway).. still have my anxious moments but it's not nearly as bad as before. Thanks for all the caring and supportive posts... you all are so sweet

On Tuesday I am going to a late night movie, which will be the first time going out late at night since my anxiety got worse again... I'm hoping I do okay!

Good for you, Amanda_1981. Hope you have an enjoyable evening.

[ruffy]

(((amanda))) So happy to hear youre responding well to the Klonopin! Enjoy your night out.