...by a support forum. Not psychcentral, a different forum.

So, I have a new obsession. Oh joy. I guess all these obsessions make up for the painkillers I haven't been abusing.

So, I was a member of a mental health support site for about a week. I was open about my diagnosis and answered questions about myself in a collected and courteous manner. I thoroughly enjoyed the company of some members. Others, however, blatantly insulted me. One member openly called me a "pathetic excuse for a human being." ... On the forum ... for everyone to see. They challenged me to prove my diagnosis and "respond as a psychopath would", then demeaned me for it. Yet, I remained courteous. Then, for reasons I do not yet understand, I was banned.

I wrote a letter of apology a few days ago to the admin of said site, a proclaimed mental health professional. I did make some remarks that were confrontational, such as a response to the woman who called me a "pathetic excuse for a human being". So I wanted to apologize for losing my cool. I was completely ignored and promptly banned, which I had expected. But I was talking with one of the members on msn messenger [member B]. "B" agrees with me that my ban was peremptory and suspicious in nature. Uncalled for at the very least. He relayed some of the messages to me. One post said there was more to my story than meets the eye. I'm still trying to figure out what was meant by this, considering I was only in chat a handful of times and was very polite, and I only had two pm's, also very polite. Then [member B] tried to find the details of my ban, but found no explanation except a claim that I had said something mean to [member A] via chat one day. When "A" was asked what was said, he replied "you had to be there." Let the court know that I never said anything offensive to "A". I emailed "A" about the whole ordeal and apologized to him for anything that I said that upset him. Initially, he didn't know who I was. When I told him, ignored, yet again.

I also took a look at my old account. Let the court know that on [website], banned members are indicated by their gray name and a subtitle that says "former member". My old account and the new one, both say "validating". For the life of me, I can't figure out why. Not to mention there were several other accounts that were banned because they thought those people were me. Some of them I knew irl, and I directed them to the site to get help. I can understand the admin's reasoning in those cases considering Lisa (one of my "friends") mentioned my name and was very confrontational -- I would've banned her too -- and Frankie lived with me -- same IP address and all. There were others, verified by "B", that were suspected of being me, and I had no clue who they were.

I sense a conspiracy. And anyone who read my DeFeo rant should know that I have a tendency to become obsessed with these things. Not to mention I was initially quite distraught over the whole matter considering the personal information I divulged while a member and in my apology letter ... information that few people are privy to. I was insulted, ostracized, and discriminated against. And it wasn't just because of my diagnosis ... there were others who admitted ASPD and/or psychopathy, yet they're still members... I also read some posts made regarding yours truly. I've seen nicer things said of Ted Bundy! I can't even fathom what I said, or what they thought I said, to cause that much turmoil.

I will own up to the wrongs I've done in my life. But that was the first time I was actively trying to be completely honest and open, and I get railroaded. I shouldn't be angry about this. It's an internet forum ... But I am. I was victimized by a mental health support site. And that forum is supposedly headed by a mental health "professional".

Whatever, I'm going to go back to lying about my diagnosis and past. Seems to work better. I just needed to rant about it. I've got this feeling that there's nothing I can do about it. Like living with my dad again...

*edited* Let it be known that the obsession is trying to figure out why I was banned, not intent to inflict harm on the aforementioned site or its members.

Sorry for the "court" remarks... That's just the first thing I thought of...

[Gr3tta]

Hi Myers! I am sorry that you were treated poorly. Other members baiting you like that should never have been tolerated. You should be proud of yourself for being able to remain courteous! I hope you won't let this experience convince you it would be better to lie. The fact that other people acted inappropriately is their fault, not yours for being honest. I have had very mixed experiences with support forums, and was very glad you chose to share this.

Thats why we all stay here its a far nicer site than any other and I mean that I am not being glib.

Stay here hun its safe.

[pachyderm]

Your story sounds somewhat similar to what I have heard about schizophrenia.com. To put the name of that one out in the open. But I do not have personal experience with that.

[seeker1950]

Myers...I have had a similar experience with a womens online "support" group....not here. When I recounted the experience that was troubling me, they were SO mean! One woman called me a slut. I responded with a similar retort to her, and they all beat up on me! Now...I was communicating HERE at the same time about the same problem, and the responses, insights and support were compassionate and healing to me. Some were brutally honest here, but that was what I needed to hear...not insults! That's why PC is like no other.
I'm sorry you had the bad exp with the other group. Try not to obsess over it. (I tend to obsess also!) The nature of online groups is they can form into cliques (such as I observed with the online women's group), and the behaviors can be even more brutal with online anonymity than in real life.
Patty

[lynn P.]

Hi Meyers,
I'm sorry you're were antagonized then ostracized - certainly not fair. At 1st I thought it was because some members are afraid and don't like psychopaths(due to the bad wrap on TV/movies), so they assume they can automatically be mean to you. But you said there were other psychopaths who are still there - could it be one of these members railroaded you out?

I think what started the whole meaness(on their part) was 'prejudice' - they think "we don't want to be polite to someone who's mean by nature". So they antagonized you, hoping you would doom yourself. I agree because it's the internet, it's far too easy to cast someone aside.

You've been fair and polite here, even during debates and I(others) here accept you on that basis and not by your diagnosis title. You're welcome here Meyers and you don't have to stifle or hide. Mean people justify bad actions, when it comes to prejudice - they automatically didn't give you a chance based on their own prejudice views and hatred. It's not fair you were treated this way.

Originally Posted by seeker1950

I'm sorry you had the bad exp with the other group. Try not to obsess over it. (I tend to obsess also!) The nature of online groups is they can form into cliques (such as I observed with the online women's group), and the behaviors can be even more brutal with online anonymity than in real life.
Patty

I'm sorry that happened to you, Seeker. And I think you're right, a lot of these groups form cliques and band together to bully other members they don't like, especially new members. The site I was at definitely had formed a clique. But I would expect a support forum run by a clinical psychologist to be a little more professional about something like that... Apparently I was wrong. It's great that Doc John and the mods here are a lot more understanding.

Originally Posted by pachyderm

Your story sounds somewhat similar to what I have heard about schizophrenia.com. To put the name of that one out in the open. But I do not have personal experience with that.

I have heard of other sites like this. I've heard a lot of horror stories about Sam Vaknin's "support" site, and how they're basically brainwashing their members to fear everyone that has confidence in themselves. I wonder if there's some law against that?

Originally Posted by lynn P.

Hi Meyers,
I'm sorry you're were antagonized then ostracized - certainly not fair. At 1st I thought it was because some members are afraid and don't like psychopaths(due to the bad wrap on TV/movies), so they assume they can automatically be mean to you. But you said there were other psychopaths who are still there - could it be one of these members railroaded you out?

No, the other antisocial/psychopathic/malignant narcissistic individuals joined after I had been banned. A few of them I knew from psychforums
(another forum I hang out at). They also had a discussion about how "psychopath" is a buzz word, and that's why they were suspicious of me. However, types of psychosis and all Cluster B personality disorders have a stimulus to their terms as well. And there were more than a few fights and arguments that broke out between the members ... Sometimes over me, however, I don't see how that's my fault. It's not like I intended for that to happen. Probably could have handled it better, but there's only so many insults I can take before I feel obligated to defend myself.

But it doesn't explain what was meant by "there's more to my story than meets the eye", or the fact that they silenced anyone who defended me, or why my account says "validating" instead of "banned".

I think what started the whole meaness(on their part) was 'prejudice' - they think "we don't want to be polite to someone who's mean by nature". So they antagonized you, hoping you would doom yourself. I agree because it's the internet, it's far too easy to cast someone aside.

Yeah, that's true, and I usually expect some people to have that sort of reaction to me at first. I think they also wrote me off quickly because I never shared my "personal story" or gave any reason as to why I think and act the way I do. I probably would have eventually told my story, but I have trust issues. Not to mention the head admin (the psychologist) was complaining in his blog about not being able to drive because he got a DUI. Didn't think it was the best time to bring up that my first wife was killed and I am crippled because of a drunk driver...

You've been fair and polite here, even during debates and I(others) here accept you on that basis and not by your diagnosis title. You're welcome here Meyers and you don't have to stifle or hide. Mean people justify bad actions, when it comes to prejudice - they automatically didn't give you a chance based on their own prejudice views and hatred. It's not fair you were treated this way.

Thanks lynn P., I'm glad I found this site.

The arbitrary and capricious standard was applied by the court. Sorry, Myers.

[LoveMist]

Hi Myers,
I just wanted to say that I know what you have been through, I've seen it happen before to others and it is something that nobody deserves even on the internet but unfortunately like someone in a post above mentioned it is way too easy to cast someone aside and only does that member more harm then good. The best anybody can do is to stick together with support and understanding of each members needs and of course many hugs helps.

[NuckingFutz]

Myers, I am sorry you have had to go through this. But it just goes to show, we are the best! I think with your dx there is more stigma attached to it than probably any other dx out there. I laud you on your sharing, you openness and your ability to answer the questions put to you. I have followed your posts from day one and have to say, you are really working hard just to be able to get along in the world.

[lynn P.]

I agree with NF - you conduct yourself very well here Myers. Stick with where you're welcome.

Originally Posted by NuckingFutz

Myers, I am sorry you have had to go through this. But it just goes to show, we are the best! I think with your dx there is more stigma attached to it than probably any other dx out there. I laud you on your sharing, you openness and your ability to answer the questions put to you. I have followed your posts from day one and have to say, you are really working hard just to be able to get along in the world.

Thanks, Nucking. I really appreciate that.

[sabby]

I'm so sorry to hear that happened to you Myers. I know it's hard not to know the "why's" to their actions. Maybe, if you can consider yourself lucky to have found out now what they are like there, you are way better off without them than with them.

I'm also very glad that PC doesn't operate that way. Like the other members posted, we're glad you are here. I hope you find the support you deserve as well as respect.