I have the "sorry syndrome"

I find that with anything more complex than accidentally bumping into someone, rather than apologizing first thing, I prefer to consider what happened: if I misunderstood, for instance, then what did I mistake for what? I want to straighten it out for myself at the time so that I won't have to worry about making the same mistake over and over.

I prefer to apologize for whatever I actually said or did that turned out not to be a good idea, not for how the other person may have heard it -- though sometimes, "not a good idea" could include overlooking that what I said might trigger them.

If I do fall back on giving a blanket apology without being entirely clear about what I did, I'm probably just saying it to get the other person to back off so that I can think about it some more.

I'm female and I probably say I'm sorry more than your average guy, but I'm not too bad. In therapy, I try not to say anything I don't really mean, so that has helped me be more mindful of the words that leave my mouth--I don't do unmerited apologies to my therapist, and that has helped me learn to be less on "sorry autopilot" out in the world too. People who are excessively apologetic and say sorry for many things they did not even do can sometimes get on my nerves. It seems insincere to always be apologizing when it's obvious it isn't called for. I try not to let it color my opinion of the person with too much negativity, as I know they must be struggling with self esteem or have constantly been put down somewhere in their life so they feel the need to appease with apologies. (My teenage daughter has a friend like this, and I just want to grab her by the shoulders and say, "you're smart, you're funny, you're capable, you have so much going for you; you don't need to apologize every other word!" Instead I try to say things to increase her self esteem, since I am guessing she does not get that much at home.) It seems ironic that people may excessively apologize in order not to appear too dominant, to appease, to not make people mad, when it can have the opposite effect--it can be annoying, seem insincere, contribute to others not liking you, etc.

I definitely do this all the time! I think it's because I had low self esteem when I was younger, and now it's just habit. I can't stop though, I even apologize to stationary objects when I walk into them!

I do this too!

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=121557