[Michah]

I don't know if this is in the right forum, but I simply don't have the presense of mind to think of where else to put it. It is a decleration of fatigue and sadness of sorts.....and I need feedback

I was very tired yesterday when I attended my friends' baby shower. I am on some strong nerve disrupters to do witha chronic pain condition and I had not had my midday nap to reboot. Well, I should have known the danger signs.

My Asparagus (Aspergers) was all over the place in my brain with my poor cognitions barely getting a word in. I was smiling in all the wrong spots, totally forgetting peoples names even asking them a thousand times, the people that I knew who are also friends seemed like strangers. I could not concentrate for even a second because the accoustics in the house made things like putting plates on the table, ripping paper and talking ten times louder than they needed to be. I was in sensory agony and because I was so tired, I could not use cognition to process some of the data more quickly. I felt like I was moving, talking and thinking about 100 times slower than everyone else.

Of course, I wanted to stim like mad, put my hands over my ears and hum a soothing tune to myself, lie of the grass which looked AWESOME and green and cool, and roll around on the tiles. It took everything i had not to gove in to these immediate comforts.....It has been a while since I have felt that distressed.(I don't do groups very often)

Then the great faux pas......my friend who is having the baby received a present in the form of a little white shirt for her baby. It was a collared button up piece made from a firm but cool cotton material. It looked like something that is identical to what the men wear in some middle eastern countries to stave off the heat and also be breathable. I blurted out with purity and astonishment because I was truly astounded at how much it represented this type of clothing......... "When the little sea monkey is born, they can wear it to the mosque!" (Mods please edit this if need be. I am unfamiliar with the rules at this point).

For those of you that know me, you know I would have never meant this to be derogatory or cruel. In fact, had I said this to my friend in private, she would have got my meaning, as obscure as it is, but the room went silent and I had all these women look at me as if I had landed from a foreign planet.

Oh boy. My sense of humour and inappropriateness does annihilate me sometimes. So much so, that I am still laughing.

Lesson: DO NOT go to baby showers when you are tired. Or even better, don't go at all.


Michah

Hello, Michah. You know who you are. Nothing to do but learn and move on.

Be well.

[mgran]

Don't worry, if your friend knows you she'll probably have chuckled to herself.

My son has asperger's, and I have several aspie traits myself... we're always saying inapropriate things. Our friends know about it, and don't mind. For what it's worth, your comment made me laugh.

[Nola22]

I think you've got a lock on the answer already, Michah--it was all about context. Had you made your joke in more intimate company, it may have been better received, but to the sparkling hordes attending a baby shower, it fell like a brick. It's okay though, please believe me--I think we've all been in your position at one time or another. I can attest to several instances of my own making that I cannot forget to this day. A few have the power to crack me up in hindsight. The others may reach that point someday too.

Byzantine is right on, as usual--chalk it up to experience and soldier on.

All the best to you.

[wing]

Been there, done that!

[(JD)]

Well I can see some humor in that, and that the situation is probably jovial to begin with, it could have gone either way. Sorry it didn't go over.

But hey, it is just a baby shower! Those of us who struggle with chronic pain often push ourselves beyond where we should because we want to be normal and be included and do things! hey, at least your weren't fired from a volunteer job like I was a few weeks ago, for such a faux pas.

....of course...I NEED to reply with my own warped,twisted and truley out of perspective sense of humor?

I thought it was funny.....but then again....I know...I ain't wrapped to tight....we're a little loose in the attic......oh well.......

thats were the saying "sihtt happens" comes from.....oooopppps!

I feel an edit on the way.......oh well....

.......luvyaa mics.....

......hehe!

[madisgram]

try not to feel sad, micah. the ppl there will forget the converse you made very quickly. sorry that it was a trigger for you. you're a great person. we care very much for you.

[IceCreamKid]

I hope this feedback is helpful to you. When I read your post I thought of someone I know. She would say and do things that she wanted to say and do, and when those things drew poor reactions from others, she would become upset. It was my opinion she was a very angry person, and in deep denial of her anger, and that she was extremely passive-aggressive, and her passive-aggression frequently came out in saying unkind things to others; but that she was in deep denial they were unkind. But my opinion didn't really matter; and I don't think it is a matter or having autism or Asperger's or any other mental health condition: it's a fact of life: every action has a reaction, and you are discovering that the things you say draw a reaction. As others have posted, some people found you amusing. Others did not. Because you control what comes out of your mouth (we can think whatever we like; thank goodness no one hears what doesn't pass our lips) you can control to a great extent the reaction you get. You now know that people are sensitive about how babies are referred to, and I think you sense that baby showers are somewhat ritualized, in that people who attend them generally go with the tacit understanding that everyone is nice and all babies are nice and isn't this fun (and nice)? I like babies, but despise baby showers, so I don't attend the parties, because I can't join in wholeheartedly with the 'fun.' I hope you have found this feedback helpful.

[Omers]

OMG, I can completely see myself doing the same exact thing! Other than "yup, I woulda done it too" I can't offer much help... However, I appreciate your post. So often when I do things like that my friends get on me about being "too smart for that" without taking into account my physical and/or mental state along with the context and sensory issues. It is nice to hear that I am not alone. So often people in my life completely underestimate how much energy it takes me to be "normal". Oh, and with all the ice and mud here a good roll in the grass sounded very tempting!

[Michah]

Thanks everyone for your words

Some rules in Aspergers club and probably with some others is.....

1. Don't talk about Aspergers club

2. Don't attend or make decisions when tired.

3. Don't talk about Aspergers club.

4. Make sure you are not hungry or have low blood sugar. The brain runs much more slowly.

And finally.......

Don't talk about Aspergers club

Still laughing

Oh and my good mate who is having the baby rang me yesterday to see if I was okay. Turns out she was having issues too! Poor thing was tired, very pregnant and worried about the fact that she didn't get to talk to everyone. I told her "Well, I took care of that for you. I talked to everyone about gobbly gook and re-runs of Star Trek". We laughed so hard, that we had tears coming down our faces( I am Trek mad. One of my new obsessions).

She loves me and it's all good.

Big hugs everyone

Michah

.........hehe!..................

got chocolaaaaate?.........

[Michah]

Originally Posted by IceCreamKid

I hope this feedback is helpful to you. When I read your post I thought of someone I know. She would say and do things that she wanted to say and do, and when those things drew poor reactions from others, she would become upset. It was my opinion she was a very angry person, and in deep denial of her anger, and that she was extremely passive-aggressive, and her passive-aggression frequently came out in saying unkind things to others; but that she was in deep denial they were unkind. But my opinion didn't really matter; and I don't think it is a matter or having autism or Asperger's or any other mental health condition: it's a fact of life: every action has a reaction, and you are discovering that the things you say draw a reaction. As others have posted, some people found you amusing. Others did not. Because you control what comes out of your mouth (we can think whatever we like; thank goodness no one hears what doesn't pass our lips) you can control to a great extent the reaction you get. You now know that people are sensitive about how babies are referred to, and I think you sense that baby showers are somewhat ritualized, in that people who attend them generally go with the tacit understanding that everyone is nice and all babies are nice and isn't this fun (and nice)? I like babies, but despise baby showers, so I don't attend the parties, because I can't join in wholeheartedly with the 'fun.' I hope you have found this feedback helpful.

Thank you for your response......

I am not quite sure why I found myself being "concerned" with this post, but it exists nonetheless......

I ask kindly of you not to place me in with people who have anger issues and consciuosly or unconsciously wish to antagonise. I am not saying that in some situations I do not become antagonistic but that is usually to do with the fact that someone has gone out of their way to "rile" me up, to get some kind of reaction from the autistic person as facial expression is often lacking on my part. People do not know when I am hurt, distressed or uncomfortable unless they know what signs to look for. Believe me I have been on the blunt end of extremely abusive behaviour because I would not react the way that a person would "normally" react to certain situations. It can be quite terrifying.

The other thing is that I live by a very strict set of social rules that I have adhered to since I was a child. It was a set of rules to "survive" by and they have carried me through my 37 years of life, but they only work best when I have ALL my faculties at my disposal. I could no sooner have stopped what came out of my mouth than flown to the moon because I was wrapped up in the circumstances, and not the outcome of said thing. What I said was not said in humour (even though the visual I got was funny), it was said in context of the type of clothing, if you get my meaning.

I am also quite aware that every action has a reaction, whether it be positive or negative. What was distressing fundamentally was not the reaction of others, it is the deep seated dismay I had with MYSELF that I did not acknowldege the warning signs of cognitive storms and a complete lack of "censorship" and act accordingly. If I could describe to you what I go through cognitively in situations like that on a good day, you might find yourself astounded. NOTHING I do or say comes for free or without monitoring, especially around strangers. My friends though are cool with my "special and heart-warming eccentricities".

I do apologise if I do come across as particularly caustic in this case, but after a lifetime of mist, confusion and abject terror, it can make me extremely cynical at times when people try and compare my situation with something completely different. It makes me feel defensive, ipso facto, the tone of this reply. But you are right, baby showers are not fun. My mate was really happy that I came though.

Michah

[Michah]

Originally Posted by sparrowstail

got chocolaaaaate?.........

Sweet cheeks! That was what I was missing! Quite frankly, some chocolate would be good right now.......

Thanks for being a good mate.......send me chocolate next time

Michah

[IceCreamKid]

Please don't apologize for being caustic. I understand you are only expressing yourself. I had no idea your original post was a joke. But I don't watch Star Trek. I won't read any more of your posts, so you and your friends can post all the jokes you want with no input from me. Have a nice day.

[lonegael]

Oh micah! I have done so much of this, and except for the bipolar stuff, I am classified as "Neuronormal"! There are som folks who ALWAYS are prepared to go ballistic when baboies are referred to as anyting other thant "little blessings" . I call them monkeys, angles, monsters (smallbabies have this growling things they often do before they start babbling), and any number of silly things, any of which wil send my mom ballistic if she is in the Lets teach Lonegael how a proper woman displays tenderness to a child.
I love the term "seamonkey"! That made me laugh so much! I'm sure if I could see the little suit I would have laughed even more! Ah, bless you! They really do look like that on the ultra sounds, don't they!? I will NEVER be able to get that one out of my head! Thanks!, and don't worry, dear. Those who know you and care, understand, those who don't, don't matter. Not when it comes to their opinions. If they are decent, they will find a way to excuse you. If they aren't, who cares?
HUGGGGGSSSSSSSS! I admire you for taking on a shower when you were feeling so outof it.

[Michah]

Originally Posted by lonegael

Oh micah! I have done so much of this, and except for the bipolar stuff, I am classified as "Neuronormal"! There are som folks who ALWAYS are prepared to go ballistic when baboies are referred to as anyting other thant "little blessings" . I call them monkeys, angles, monsters (smallbabies have this growling things they often do before they start babbling), and any number of silly things, any of which wil send my mom ballistic if she is in the Lets teach Lonegael how a proper woman displays tenderness to a child.
I love the term "seamonkey"! That made me laugh so much! I'm sure if I could see the little suit I would have laughed even more! Ah, bless you! They really do look like that on the ultra sounds, don't they!? I will NEVER be able to get that one out of my head! Thanks!, and don't worry, dear. Those who know you and care, understand, those who don't, don't matter. Not when it comes to their opinions. If they are decent, they will find a way to excuse you. If they aren't, who cares?
HUGGGGGSSSSSSSS! I admire you for taking on a shower when you were feeling so outof it.

Thanks for the support, sweet cheeks

Strangely, it was my friend having the baby that coined the growing child "sea monkey"(I probably should have clarified that earlier)......and of course, now that this has transpired I will find it very difficult to call this child anything else when it is born. My friend will have to put up with me calling it "sea monkey", until my brain goes through the "data shift", and the proper name takes its place.

My other friends baby was coined "schnookie" by me in utero...or "schnooks" or "little schnooks with cherries on top"(don't ask me how that came about. The words just tasted good in my mouth). Till this day, she is now 2 years old, I still call her "schnooks" and not her real name. I do not know her as "A", I know her as "Schnookie". My friend is patient considering the fact that I asked her a hundred times if she minded and she said she didn't mind at all. It is Aunty Michah's name for "A".

Sorry more info than you probably needed, my dear friend, but there you have it...

Big hugs straight back at ya

Michah

What I see is a person of compassion seeking acceptance both of herself and by others. You do remarkably well, especially in view of what you have been through.

[KathyM]

(((Michah)))

People who know you will understand. If not, oh well - at the very least you made the event "memorable," and no harm was done.

I attended a huge baby shower at a hotel years ago for my next door neighbor, who worked as a recreational therapist. Her MIL was present, and everyone knew about her mental health issues after a series of strokes.

My friend was opening her gifts in the center of the room as we all watched from our tables. Music was playing in the background. When this song came on, her MIL jumped out of her seat from across the room and started singing loudly and dancing along to the music.

My friend managed to calmly redirect her MIL back without humiliating her. I was amazed and truly impressed by the crowd and the compassion they showed. Not a single person raised an eyebrow or laughed at the woman. She was fortunate to be in a crowd of mostly developmental specialists.

My friend's MIL is gone now, but we all look back and smile - knowing how excited she was at the thought of being a grandmother for the first time. It was quite a lively performance, and I'm glad we all have that song to remember her.

[lynn P.]

I'll be honest and say I can understand why you blurted it out but I also understand why the people reacted this way. Telling a joke that involves religion or race can be a sensitive issue. Since my husbands family is Muslim and from the Middle East, naturally I can see how this might not be recieved well. I know you didn't intend harm though.

Just a fact - the kind of garment you're talking about is called an 'Abaya'. They're worn by many men in the Middle East by both Christians and Muslims - so this isn't a typical mosque garment.

[Michah]

Originally Posted by KathyM

(((Michah)))

People who know you will understand. If not, oh well - at the very least you made the event "memorable," and no harm was done.

I attended a huge baby shower at a hotel years ago for my next door neighbor, who worked as a recreational therapist. Her MIL was present, and everyone knew about her mental health issues after a series of strokes.

My friend was opening her gifts in the center of the room as we all watched from our tables. Music was playing in the background. When this song came on, her MIL jumped out of her seat from across the room and started singing loudly and dancing along to the music.

My friend managed to calmly redirect her MIL back without humiliating her. I was amazed and truly impressed by the crowd and the compassion they showed. Not a single person raised an eyebrow or laughed at the woman. She was fortunate to be in a crowd of mostly developmental specialists.

My friend's MIL is gone now, but we all look back and smile - knowing how excited she was at the thought of being a grandmother for the first time. It was quite a lively performance, and I'm glad we all have that song to remember her.

That is awesome! And I love that song. Most likely I would not have been able to help myself and would have danced with her.

Thanks Kathy M. I really liked that story. It made me feel warm, that people can just take people, exactly how they are.....

Michah

[Michah]

Originally Posted by lynn P.

I'll be honest and say I can understand why you blurted it out but I also understand why the people reacted this way. Telling a joke that involves religion or race can be a sensitive issue. Since my husbands family is Muslim and from the Middle East, naturally I can see how this might not be recieved well. I know you didn't intend harm though.

Just a fact - the kind of garment you're talking about is called an 'Abaya'. They're worn by many men in the Middle East by both Christians and Muslims - so this isn't a typical mosque garment.

Thanks Lynn P.......my sons biological fathers family is also Muslim. I did not know that it was called an 'abaya". I am not denying that it was inappropriate but I have a dangerously morbid sense of humour(in the sense that I say things EXACTLY how I think them. I don't see it as inappropriate because I do not think of bad things when I say it. There is no malice behind it, but I forget that OTHERS do not see it that way). That is why I have to be on the alert for things said that may be taken the wrong way. When I am tired, or unwell, it is SO much harder. I usually speak my mind in the company of friends, but need to be more vigilant in the company of strangers.

It is very tiring.......

Michah

[Michah]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

What I see is a person of compassion seeking acceptance both of herself and by others. You do remarkably well, especially in view of what you have been through.

Byz, you always say the best things, the things that are on your mind in the most economical and loveliest of ways.....

Thank you,

Michah