At peace

It's past 1:00am. What the heck am I still doing up? I am sitting here in a motel after a lavender bubble bath with fizzies, music, a book, and before that, a mild high--now long gone. I am relaxed and peaceful, and for some reason even considering telling my T about the little high. I'm not sure he's going to like if I go back to working within a pharmacy again. He may be cautious. Actually, I am not sure of it myself either, but for different reasons--PTSD related associations and severe allergies to narcotics. I don't know if I can tell my T in person about certain things. Voice mail, maybe. My last vmail to him the other night was about a mini-flashback over the weekend, because I couldn't tell him while I was there. Maybe I will call and leave a quick message on his pager tomorrow about what I was doing tonight. We'll see how my mood goes.