Digging Out From Under

six months ago i had a breakdown, (that's what I call it, anyway) major depressive episode. Suicidal ideation, isolating, not eating or taking my meds, all of it. for weeks at a time i didn't leave the house. (it's the worst it's ever been and i've been diagnosed for approx fifteen years)

so now i'm back on all my meds, psych and for other medical issues (including thyroid and diabetes) i have somewhere to go four out of seven days. i don't have any friends or any people i have a connection with and i'm working on that but the other issue is that my house is a wreck.

i live alone, so there was no one to ***** or complain, which i thought was awesome, but it also means that my nonfunctional kitchen, due to bags and boxes and old paper plates (no garbage, i've got my three dogs to take care of that) is still nonfunctional.

every room in my house is a complete disaster. i can't ever have anyone over and i can't afford to have someone haul the trash away.

i have a bad back and can only do about ten or fifteen minutes worth of work on it a day and truthfully, some days i just don't want to.

the biggest problem is that i'm so overwhelmed by this that it harshes any good feelings i might have had when i was out.

help. any ideas? i've got two to four layers of papers and boxes and trash on every floor of my house!

god, i want to cry just thinking about it. i have my laptop on my bed and i never use my living room, i just sit on my bed like it's an island and try not to look down.

Facing a problem is one of the first steps to solving it. I'm proud of you.

Can you throw things away, or do you need to just think about "organizing it all" first?

I have a reach extender that helps me when something is out of my reach, or on the floor (though my service dog will pick up anything for me.)

You can begin in one of two rooms, imo, either the one that will show the most difference for what (little bit?) you may do ... or pick the one that will clean up the quickest.

Maybe choose one area, or room for "staging" what you move out of another room.... Make sure you don't just throw things into that area or room, but do so orderly, if you can.

If you can throw real trash away, then go to the area or room you choose, and pick only the trash and toss it into the trash bags. Extra bags and boxes are really "trash" if you're keeping them "just in case" you might need one in the future.

Often when people have trouble sorting through things, whether valuable or not, they begin to think about whatever it is that they are deciding about...bring back memories or worries and fears of not having it etc. Try not to get into actual items right now... just focus on the trash, or items that someone else might consider trash. If you can't throw things out, even trash, then put the trash into trash bags, but don't throw them out yet. That will help you sort through it without feeling any loss.

I hope if not directly addressing any of your issues, that it helps you figure out what you need to do first.

it is a help. it's not a STUFF problem that i have. (yes i could use some shelves, and i have a few things that need to be put away) but for the most part i did the sorting, throwing out things last year with some help from a charitable organization that also sent four people over to help me sort through.

but they won't come to help clean and certainly not after they've already helped me so much.

so your answer is sadly the one that i know to be true but want a magical way around. just slowly throw out the trash. i should get one of those reachers. i can sit on the floor and just gather things together but my floors are kind of in need of a good mopping, which i can afford to hire someone to do once the trash is done.

it's just a daunting job ahead of me, especially when i'm still not at a hundred percent.

thanks for reading!

Hello vamphile,

Wishing you all the best with this and hoping that you get to where you want to be,

Rhiannon

I can relate and wanted you to know that you are not alone. When i get depressed the first thing that goes is housekeeping. I too live a lone and just don't mind the mess, except of course I'm too embarrassed to have anyone see the state of my apartment.

I finally about 3 weeks ago, cleaned my kitchen for the first time in approximately 4 months. It was hard but it felt so good, that I've managed to keep it clean. then this past weekend I tackled the fridge - I threw out 6 bags of garbage from the fridge alone, it literally had no room for anything fresh in it. Then I went out and did a big grocery shop and bought a ton of fresh and healthy foods, and I've been cooking healthy meals for myself.

Tomorrow, I'm going to start tackling the living room - not even giving it a thorough cleaning, just getting all the old recycling out. That will make me feel better.

I have a bit of a self imposed deadline. I'm going inpatient at a hospital next Wed. and I want the apartment cleaned up before then, so that I don't have to come home to a dump and so that my landlady doesn't come up when I'm gone and see how bad the place is.

If you even have 15 min. of motivation a day, that's a start. Don't think about cleaning the whole place - it's overwhelming. Think about cleaning up a table or a corner of a room. Throw stuff out. And once you've got a piece of space cleaned, keep it clean.

You can do it, if you just think about it in small enough chunks.

Good luck.

--splitimage

so glad to know i'm not the only one who has rotten food in the fridge and stuff piled high in the living room.

good luck going inpatient.

Vamphile, please don't be hard on yourself, you've been doing everything you could. Love yourself, because you're definitely worth it, and don't give up. If I could, I'd come over to your place and help you. That doesn't mean much, I suppose, since I can't help you, but I do wish I could.

I wish you the best, vamphile.