[CliveWild]

I feel as though I am on the outside of life looking in. I think this is the main reason I struggle lately.

I am certainly not in the "employed" category, not having worked in 5 years.

I am not in the "unemployed" category. I gave up on looking for work when the constant rejections were stressing me out.

I am not in the "retired" category. This is despite saying that I have retired early. I had to justify my situation to myself. I do receive a minor personal pension but it doesn't pay for very much. I am still too young for any other pensions. I no longer qualify for any government benefits, because of moderate savings.

I don't fit into any government statistics. The good news is that I don't pay tax on my small amount of income.

I just wondered if anyone else shares my frustration at not belonging?

My hubby does, so...

He does lots of volunteering with all sorts of organisations or he does training at the college ! It keeps him busy it keeps his mind active and he is also giving something back to the community ...

We also have young children so they see dad going out to 'work' and even boast about the things he does when they are with friends.

[ECHOES]

I think employment issues definitely affects identity.

Sounds like you would benefit financially and socially from any kind of employment. Are you getting any help with the stress that makes you give up in that area?

Maybe a social group, or volunteering, or something like that would help?

I do understand feeling like there is no place where I fit in. It doesn't feel good at all.

[Popskid]

I am on disability now, as I really couldn't handle working. However, for a long time I fit into that category. I wasn't unemployed because I wasn't looking for a job. I'm not old enough to retire (29) and I don't have children or a husband so I couldn't even use the "I'm a housewife" excuse.

[madisgram]

i used to say that too...but with therapy i found the real me and i wasn't the worthless person i thought i was. being unemployed also i think adds to your sense of worthlessness. can you do some volunteer work? it may help you feel better and also help you realize that you do have something to offer!!
it sounds like you are suffering from depression from all this. i found it doesn't go away by itself. can you get some help to sort all this out? i used to get so tangled up in my mind i could not do it alone.
i just read your blog...i am bipolar also. i found these things work for me
taking my meds daily
continuing with therapy on a regular basis to learn coping skills that work!
contacting my psych. if the meds don't stabalize me moods or i take a dive.they may need tweaking or a change in meds.
being responsible for my own well being having biolar.
acceptance, but also determined to live with a good quality of life

i worked successfully in corporate m'ment in ny for 7 years after being dx'ed. i am now disabled. was in mid 40's when this happened. my life is different now but i've found news ways to remain self-confidant by doing things to keep that self worth apparent to me. sometimes i have to force myself but it's worth it because the "payoff" is there.
i know only i can control my destiny even when challenged with adversity with my biolar.
not judging you. just sharing with you things that have worked for me. i hope you can find something here to help you too.

[cocoa58]

I relate but haven't given up on employment. I did quit my last job and I hated to - but I was being bullied badly. I hated that too - so what a choice!

Employment issues are rough for us all right now - I am well educated and a hard worker and usually have good references, etc - and I am having a hard time finding something - its just rough!

Don't give up though - sometimes you might take a break and try again. Constant rejection does get to me too - but its not just "you" - its the horrid economy too. We have to remember its not just always "us" - other factors affect us too. Sometimes it truly may not be our fault!

As for not fitting in - I never do! I think I'm used to it.

Originally Posted by madisgram

i used to say that too...but with therapy i found the real me and i wasn't the worthless person i thought i was. being unemployed also i think adds to your sense of worthlessness. can you do some volunteer work? it may help you feel better and also help you realize that you do have something to offer!!
it sounds like you are suffering from depression from all this. i found it doesn't go away by itself. can you get some help to sort all this out? i used to get so tangled up in my mind i could not do it alone.
i just read your blog...i am bipolar also. i found these things work for me
taking my meds daily
continuing with therapy on a regular basis to learn coping skills that work!
contacting my psych. if the meds don't stabalize me moods or i take a dive.they may need tweaking or a change in meds.
being responsible for my own well being having biolar.
acceptance, but also determined to live with a good quality of life

i worked successfully in corporate m'ment in ny for 7 years after being dx'ed. i am now disabled. was in mid 40's when this happened. my life is different now but i've found news ways to remain self-confidant by doing things to keep that self worth apparent to me. sometimes i have to force myself but it's worth it because the "payoff" is there.
i know only i can control my destiny even when challenged with adversity with my biolar.
not judging you. just sharing with you things that have worked for me. i hope you can find something here to help you too.

[ShawnaSee]

As much as I want to say that No one else fits into that category, At some point in time, everyone fits into it. Do not feel guilty about retiring early. You may have saved your life doing so. Find something to do to keep yourself busy. You will feel better about life I promise.

[Princess_Obsidian]

Greetings,

As long as you keep believing you do not fit in, you won't.

Stay positive!

Have a good one.

[Lemongrass Cat]

Joining some mens' social groups or support groups can lead to some great outcomes. Men's health is a pretty big issue right now so it shouldn't be too hard finding a support group. Try to get one that incorporates talks by a registered health professional.

[Wantabenormal]

I've always been on the outside looking in.... come to think of it... the windows need to be cleaned.

[CliveWild]

Thanks for all the great replies. There are some great suggestions.

[Lilleth]

I work I force myself to go to work I was unemployed for a very long time couldn't keep down a job due to the children and being in temp housing not being able to afford childcare and having to live on social security. I am afraid of ending up back there being depressed did not help. I have never felt I fit in. I feel like this all the time even with my relatives they dont know I feel like that and on the outside there is not indiction of how I have always felt. I have only confided that to a few people and they cannot believe I have those feelings as all they see is a confident person but thats not how I feel inside. I avoid situations and spend a lot of time alone. I am very lonely but too scared to mix Its so stressful.

[buggedbybugs]

hello clive, so is there anything you like to do, like gardening, or do it yourself projects? volunteering is always a good thing, in the US there are churches and homeless shelters, even dog pounds can use a good volunteer, if your not wild about people.
hang in there buddy, your not alone..i hate trying to be in the dating world,im a hermit, ill admit.you found this site!!

[Laurie1041]

Hi Clive,

Isn't it interesting how we feel we need to define ourselves in terms of employment? It seems that many people need to identify themselves in terms of what they do for a living. This was certainly true for myself.

I was (am) an RN and have not been employed for 3 years - except for a short stint back in December 2009 where I thought of this brilliant (?) plan to go back to the last hospital I worked at because I did not have 1 year's recent work experience. Anyway, my brilliant plan (while manic) was to go to work in Tucson, AZ and fly back and forth from Los Angeles where I live. I lasted a total of 24 shifts and started unraveling. I ended up making a serious error - got embroiled in a very stressful investigation and I asked if I could resign rather than get terminated. The hospital administrators just wanted the problem "to go away" and they accepted my resignation.

I was mortified by this experience and felt like my life was over. Actually, it was one of the best things to happen to me. I finally accepted that I was bipolar and got very serious about working on recovery and wellness. I was able to come to terms with the fact that there are many things about bedside nursing that I don't like and to stop doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.

My life today consists of working my recovery and relapse prevention plan and seriously looking at those things that I have great passion. Keeping a daily routine, taking good care of my physical and emotional health are very helpful. My plan is to go back to school which is very exciting to me.

Volunteering for an organization who's values are in alignment with your own is a great way to get out in the community, meet people and share your talents with. Here is a great website for volunteering:

http://www.volunteermatch.org/

Keep posting!! Laurie

[beggin for help]

Originally Posted by CliveWild

I feel as though I am on the outside of life looking in. I think this is the main reason I struggle lately.

I am certainly not in the "employed" category, not having worked in 5 years.

I am not in the "unemployed" category. I gave up on looking for work when the constant rejections were stressing me out.

I am not in the "retired" category. This is despite saying that I have retired early. I had to justify my situation to myself. I do receive a minor personal pension but it doesn't pay for very much. I am still too young for any other pensions. I no longer qualify for any government benefits, because of moderate savings.

I don't fit into any government statistics. The good news is that I don't pay tax on my small amount of income.

I just wondered if anyone else shares my frustration at not belonging?

I only know that you fit in perfectly here. It is the only place we do.

[ECHOES]

I have been thinking about the idea of "fitting in" and I think, for me, it runs deeper and has been an ongoing thread throughout my life, back to very early days when I didn't feel like I fit in with my own family.