Uncontrollable Destruction

I agree with Perna, you should also see your Primary Care and see if there are any other health issues at work.

I get really anxious and frustrated sometimes and although it's often the last thing I want to do, working out at the gym or running almost always helps. Maybe it would help expel some of the trapped energy? I also try to remember to do breathing excercises/meditation. Helps bring the heart rate down for me and avoid possible panic attacks.

Also, please be careful with the Klonopin. My mom was on it for a while and began over-taking it which left her short at the end of the month. Klonopin withdrawal is no joke! It differs person to person, but she got extreme paranoia and couldn't stop pacing. Ended up in the hospital a couple times. Best to take as prescribed and resist the urge to take another to help calm down. When she took it as directed it seemed to help quite a bit. However, if you ever in the future need to switch from it, be sure to speak with your doc first.

Best of luck to you! With persistence you will find a way to handle this, just don't ever give up hope.

An Update:
I haven't been on line A lot The past week, Trying to get outside more on my days off..

Since stopping the Kolopin, Things are getting better. still taking 1000mg of Depokote and 100mg of Trazadone at night. Plus in the AM I take a Muli-vitamin and 5000iu's of Vitamin D. which seems to be Helping.
I will be seeing my Pdoc on the 10th.

I still find I obsess About Stuff, Like the way things Fit,Or stuff I have no control of. But deep breathing helps..

I'm making a list of things I wish to discuss with my Pdoc and MD doc..

I'm seeing that there is light at the end of the tunnel, Much better than I was a few weeks ago.....

That's great that you're feeling better! Hope you keep doing so.

Saw my Pdoc yesterday. She wants me to up my Depokote. So last night I took 1500mg not the 1000mg I have been taking...
And Today I feel Like ****....The old Behavior is back, Feel pent up rage..
But Yesterday was a really Nice Day...
So I'm wondering if Depokote Is Messing with me? and will it Get better or worse If I keep on taking 1500mg..

Also saw my counselor, for the first time yesterday, She kept asking about my Drinking/drugging..Which I've been Clean 5yrs Sober 2 1/2yrs. And my Parents.
Not sure what that has to do with my current Behavior?

Whew Finally feeling better...Damn Depokote..

What the Hell..After my Pdoc raised my Depokote.All the old feelings I.E. rage. Destruction are back.
The only thing Different is the raise in Depokote.
Even on the 1000mg. I always had the thoughts of rage/destruction in my head. After the raise in Depokote,seems like the feelings are set free.
Body hurts like hell, Big headaches.

I'm really getting Fed up with the Take more drug attitude of my pdoc..

she even said she can't figure me out, What a boost in my confidence..

I'm Getting Really Fed Up..Why the Hell can't I just put on a pair of Jeans with-out,getting stressed out. Seems like that just triggers my out bursts.

I wait till the last minute to get ready for work and get out of the house Quick,before I rip something up.Is that normal? NO....

Having one of those days...
Damn pdoc messing with what was ok...I'm so Damn pissed at the *****.
All the old feelings/ and destruction is Back..So damn mad I'm shaking..
Why the Hell does She ALWAYS try and raise my Drugs..
Wonder if She even knows what she is doing.................................
Left a message with the metal heath unit at my VA..
She needs to get me on something that Does'nt send me over the edge.
Just took some Kolopin,Hope the F it mellows me out...This **** really Sucks..
I can't get a Pair of jeans on and stay on..as soon as I got them on,,I get a overwelling urge to destroy them, 4 pair of pants later I say F-it..Not going to try any more..

I'm really sorry you're having trouble getting your pdoc to figure stuff out right (the first time!). I keep seeing those new VA ads on TV for doctors/health care workers and how wonderful it is working at the VA and advantageous to whoever, and think of you and how you could use a little more quality in their work instead of quantity!

Not going to take Depokote To night..
Took .20mg of kolopin today just to calm down.
good thing not a work day, spent the whole day in a robe...

WTF is going on...I can't even Not Destroy my Work uniforms.. How can a raise in Depokote Cause me to become so Destructive Again?

Well another Day of Me trying to get dressed. destroyed my jeans yet again....Getting so damn tired of it...I feel this RAGE I can't control.and Jeans and pants get destroyed...I'm at my wits end with this ****......................................Been living in a Robe because I'm scared to get dressed. Who knows what I'll destroy then...

I am not familiar with Depakote. What is it supposed to do?