Spinning.....

Uugh.....

I feel like I'm on a very fast carnival ride that is spinning and spinning, and I'm getting ready to hurl and pass out, but they won't let me off the ride. Everybody looks blurry and they all look like they're smiling and laughing and pointing at me as I whirl by.



Those who are familiar with me probably remember what I went through last year with being unemployed...and that I got a job in February and I have been catching up on bills and able to pay rent and buy food...and living has gotten much more comfortable......

Well........the floor dropped out!!

Two weeks ago I lost my job. I was ten days away with being through my trial service period of six months. I had a job interview the morning I was let go and it was for a permanent position and I would have been set. Well....apparently I pissed a few too many people off a work by reporting certain unethical things that were taking place there...and I didn't follow the unwritten rule of "Keep your mouth shut and do your job". So, yeah....now everything is back to falling apart.

I just moved into a really nice townhome three weeks ago....and now....I can't even pay Septembers rent on the first. Most likely, since it was a termination, I won't get unemployment. If I do, I will get a total of $1400.00 a month.....and my rent is $1200.00. How am I going to live off of that. I'm seriously scared to death!! I might have to live out of my car!! I could go to a shelter, but I'd have to give up my animals...and they are my family. They keep me going. If I don't have them...I have no reason to stay on this pathetic planet and I might as well just die. I'd rather live in my car with them then live in a shelter without them.

Jobs are hard to come by right now....everywhere. A bit harder in the state I'm living in, for my profession. The good news is I got a call for a job interview....it's in a different state. I have very little money left....and I'm going to have to use it to buy a plane ticket for an interview. What if they don't like me...then there's no job....and no money left....I will have wasted it all on a plane ticket for nothing!!!!????

Further more....what if I get the job? Then I have to execute an inter-state move in a matter of two weeks time or so.

Everything is spinning....did I mention that?

I have to completely detach myself from the emotions of it right now because if I don't....I feel like I will just brake down and not be able to keep going. So I am walking around like a zombie robot, just going through the motions and grasping at anything that will keep me from going over that edge. Sometimes I can't help it though and I just bawl my eyes out. And I just have to keep pushing it back.

I feel like a failure who's trying to pass themselves off as a winner. Someone's gonna figure out that I really am a nobody....then they're all gonna know and I'll know a whole new level of shame and devastation.

Why do I keep doing this? I really don't know.

Everything is spinning. Did I mention that?

Hello Elysium,

What a stinker of a situation. I'm really sorry you are going through this, I thought things were looking up for you. What possible reason did they have for firing you? It seems that in the US there are no unfair dismissal laws.

Do you want to move out of state? I really hope that things pan out for you and that you find a good solution, take care,

Rhiannon

Hey Elysium,

Wow, it's like reading the story of my life. are you a borderline too, by any chance? i am sorry about not getting the job, but i am glad to hear you must have already sensed the undercurrents because you already have another interview lined up! that is self-care survival 101, in my book. have the next job lined up. especially if you get fired alot like me! i got fired last year right after i signed my own lease, and had to live off my credit card for 3 months until i got another job. so, i feel your pain. every month when i pay double the minimum payment due on my card to try and get it paid off in a swift 2 maybe 3 years. my kharma hurts, badly! but, we are alive, we are survivors, we can learn, and we shall live to fight another day.

((((Elysium))))

Elysium,

I'm really sorry things are so out of control right now. I hope that you do go to the interview and get the other job. Even if it means a drastic relocation fast, you can do it. Just keep breathing and putting one foot in front of the other.

--splitimage

(((((((((((Ely)))))))))))

((((((((((((( Elysium )))))))))))))))

(((Elysium))) - so sorry this is happening. I pray your circumstances will improve some how.

I am so sorry this is happening!

I bought the tickets last night.

Really scared. Just need prayers and a big help from the Goddess and all the other Gods out there.

I need this job!! Even though I'd have to move.....I need it.

These things I can't control are driving me crazy!!!

Hope you get the job. Wish I had something more helpful to say. I had exactly that happen to me. I got a job after a year of looking. Got right into an apartment, new car, new phones. Then, boom. No fault to me. The patient I was provider for went to long term care in the hospital and I lost everything. I couldn't get a job to save my life. Had to give up my dog Dexter last year. The shelter said he'd be adopted within the day. Thought I was going to die. Probably would have but I have a son who is worth living for.
You live in the Pac NW? I lived there for a year in Lincoln City. I lived in poverty on lentils and toast but I was so happy to be there. Had to throw in the towel and head back to Texas after I lost my job. Sobbed all the way out of Oregon.
Best wishes. Keep posting.

DANGER!!! LONG RANT!!!

Today I went to apply for food benefits and medical. After waiting not too long and filling out all the paperwork I was told that the state is not granting medical to adults at this time unless you're pregnant or have a disability. I asked, then why did you tell me to fill out all the forms and the guy said "because it's your right to apply." This just pissed me off.

Then I ask him about the disability part and I say that I do have a disability but I am not ON disability, would I still qualify? He said "If you're disabled then you can get medical through filing disability", and I said but I don't want to file disability because that would be me saying that I couldn't do my job anymore and I'd either get stuck being at home all day living off social security or I'd end up in a part time job doing something that does not offer me any challenge or sense of worth. He says "Well, how can you be disabled and still be able to work?", and I said "because it's called 'DISABLED', not 'UNABLED'". He just gawked at me and told me to sit down and wait to hear about the food program.

After waiting only 15 minutes I get called back by a caseworker and I sit down and she starts asking me questions. Now I don't mean this to be rude, but she was hispanic, with a thick accent and neither of us could understand each other very well. She tried to tell me that I hadn't received my final paycheck yet and I had to tell her 5 different times that I had. She thought I wasn't understanding her so she gets out a piece of paper and starts drawing it out for me!!! I finally get her to realize that I had in fact already received my final check and then she goes "Oh, well you don't qualify because you make to much money". I said "yes, but I lost my job and I don't think I can claim unemployment. What do I do?" She says that I have to come back when my income drops below $1600. a month. I say "It has!!!! I'm not working, thus I'm not making any income!!!" And she says "You need to wait until next month and reapply." Mind you that the whole time we're talking she's yawning and rolling her head around and stretching.

Finally I am irritated enough I start to cry...it really doesn't take much right now, and I ask her what I'm supposed to do. She takes this pissy Latina attitude with me and says "Hey ladie, I'm really tired and you're my last appointment for the day. I'm here to help you!!" Of course my inside voice was screaming by now and I just wanted to tell her that if she was so damned tired that she should take 3 months vacation and I'd be happy to do her job and collect her paycheck cause I currently didn't have a job to be tired over or go home from, or a means to pay rent or get food....but I didn't. I just got up and said "you know...all you had to say was 'I can't help you' and leave it at that" and she goes "Fine, I can't help you. I will mail you a denial letter!" And.....I punched her in the face!!!







Oh........no I didn't!! But I sure wanted too. I just collected my tears and walked out thinking "Why do I even bother?"

You know....I've never sold drugs for money to live, and I've never prostituted myself out for money to live either, but damn it....why do they have to make getting assistance so damn hard? If I made my money on my back and got myself pregnant I'd get food, medical, and housing. Instead, I'm prostituting my Nursing skills out to all these healthcare facilities who don't give a rats rectum to try and get a Nursing job and I'm getting nowhere. I guess I'm in the wrong profession and should just succumb to the hell that this life is and become a crack wh0re.

((((((( Elysium! ))))))) This can't happen to you. OK, it is happening, but it can't. I protest! I just want to hit Ctrl-z (undo) on your day.

So sorry for your situation, Ely! I guess you pretty much have to "play the game" of keeping your mouth shut to keep some jobs. That having been said, I admire your honesty! Have you applied for unemployment? If you are denied, you can appeal via personal letter, if you can provide a viable reason why the job loss was not your fault. I had success with that when I was fired from a position for emotional difficulties that kept me from performing well. I wrote that, well, they shouldn't have hired me, since I had had no prior experience with that type of work! I know that this is well " beneath" what you are accustomed to, but you could supplement that $1400 by house cleaning, home repairs, or dog walking. Post ad at Senior Citizens, where they have people who need such help. I appreciate and mourn with you about needing to keep your pets with you. I would feel the same way. Do you have friends who could keep them until you can regain your footing. You sound like someone who doesn't have much trouble GETTING a job, so your interview should go well. You might want to mail or fax a resume and letter prior to spending the money for air fare, following up with a call, explaining that the trip will be somewhat of a hardship and that you hope they are leaning toward hiring you, pending interview, before you make the trip. Best of luck!

(((((( Elysium )))))))) The federal government is horriffic to deal with. I dont have to tell you that. I am so sorry this is happening. I wish things were more humaine. Maybe someday they will be. But you need that now. I am sorry

Greetings,

Take control of your world and twirl it as you please. In other words, comply with proper medical treatment, do not give into your symptoms, and most importantly, try your absolute best to keep a positive mind frame.

Have a good one.