Need some diagnosis type help

Hi there my name is Mary Ann. I am the eldest of 4 children. We come from a very dysfunctional home and all have our issues. I am here because I need some suggestions or possible diagnosis' for my sister so that I can send some links to my stepfather to maybe get her some help.

Background on my sister:
She's 18, mom of an almost 2 year old boy

She started taking the 'wrong' path at an early age. She craved attention and got it by being the center of attention. She was promiscuous (lost her virginity at 11) got drunk her first time at 12.

She was always very concerned about her appearance and wanting to fit in and not get picked on in school.

She took a turn at around 15 from preppy to 'Emo'. She created this delusion (if you will) that she was severely depressed. Started to cut herself (only for attention - not a 'true' cutter). She got tattoos and several body piercings. She started to dapple in bisexual lifestyle as well.

She wants to blame our mom for all of her problems. She only wants to party and have fun. She doesn't want to be responsible. She constantly flaunts her 'depression' for all to see. She takes pics of herself all made up but with a sad face and posts them on her facebook with cryptic lonely/depressed captions. She always seeks everyone's sympathy. She wants to play the victim. She is very good at manipulating people.

The more I read and the more I see her the more I feel that she is NOT depressed. I feel like she chose an image in highschool and she went the way her friends went and chose 'Emo' (emotional, I think this was Gothic when I was a teen). I feel like she had it in her mind what an Emo was supposed to be like and decided that she had to play that part. She constantly changed her image and tried to stand out. She started to cut herself (but not because of a deep need to, this was by choice). I feel like she created this 'fantasy' of how she was supposed to be and like the saying if you lie about something enough eventually you will think that is the truth, she started to believe it.

She is a carbon copy of our mother. My mother is not depressed. She's in major need of psychiatric help though. She's narcissistic, psychotic, paranoid, obsessive compuslive and much more. My sister is my mother 20 years ago before the drugs took hold of her.

I feel like she is flaunting her 'depression' in any environment that she can so she can get the most sympathy. She wants to be the victim, she likes that attention. She likes that she can use that as excuses for why she isn't able to take responsibility for herself. One example I can give happened very recently. She just graduated high school (thanks to our mom and her dad because they basically took care of her child and her so she could finish her senior year of HS) recently and is visiting our cousin for a nice 3 week vacation for our cousins wedding. Instead of posting about how nice it is to get away for a while or how nice the beach is etc. she is only posting mopy things. She keeps saying that she can't stop thinking about this or that. I'm so upset I can't stop shaking.....Every post she makes it's all gloomy and reiterative. She's so sad, so lonely, so lost. She can't handle this. Everyone says I keep making mistakes and I hurt everyone.....Then she gets all of these sympathetic responses and her answer is always basically 'yeah, I don't know, it's just too hard'....

I just feel like she's just PLAYING the depressed role. She likes the sympathy, the attention. She likes everyone coming to tell her how incredibly she is doing. That she graduated high school as a teen mom, that she is going to take a nursing course, how she is making wonderful decisions, that she is a great person and a great mom and not to let anyone keep her down. My mother is the same way. She LOVES, thrives, off of the sympathy and attention. She will literally make up stories just to get the attention and sympathy that she is craving that day.

The things that I saw that might fit her were borderline personality disorder and histrionic personality disorder.

I would really appreciate any thoughts, suggestions, links to research anything that I might be able to pass along to my stepfather.

Thank you so much to anyone that takes the time to read my disorganized jumble.

Mary Ann

sorry we are unable to tell you what is wrong with your sister, we do not diagnose people here.

my suggestion - contact contact a medical doctor and a mental health person like psychiatrist. they can diagnose your sisters problems and treat her if she has a mental disorder.

I think all cutters are genuine none are false.

I agree she needs to see a Dr.

Could you just send the post to your step dad in a letter I think it explains the situation very well.

I'm psychic!!!!!

Agree with Tishie, no cutter is playing games and your sister needs help. Attempt to get her to the doctor who can refer her on. If you can't get her there, then if you tell the doctor he is bound to report it so he will contact the mental health team, they'll make a callback to speak to your sister. Though if I were you I'd be telling her I'd done that so that she doesn't peak at you. I know I was peaked when I got a call out of nowhere because of my agoraphobia....

But I'll tell you one thing, postpartum depression is very real and not something that should be left to ANY degree. Of course I am not "diagnosing" (report that!) I am just putting 2 & 2 together to come up with 4. She is a teen mother, gone back to school, if she is depressed it can lead to something terrible, so get her the help if you have to drag her there, or get the Mental health team to interview her don't leave it just in case,

Megan

Ditto to the above. Regardles of the "real" problems, your sister IS going awefully far for "attention", even if that is the motive, and I'm not sure it is. Big problem is she is a lone parent, a small child is involved, and from your description, your sister makes quite a few bad judgement calls. I cannot and will not diagnose anything from here, but from your letter she needs to be dragged in to see someone as of yesterday!!!!
For her, and for the child. The kid's safety is not worth shrugging off your sister's behavior. Good luck to you and to your father, hon.

you seem to have assumed a lot of things about your little sister here. people don't cut "because it's fun" cos you know what, it's not!

You want to get your sister help.

STOP judging her because that's totally what you are doing.
TALK to her about how she's feeling
Get rid of the preconceptions you have and actually pay some attention to your little sister. things may not be what you seem to think they are.

I am afraid I am going to have to concur!

I feel that you may be judging her incorrectly here. No cutter is without some type of mental instability - human beings do not injure themselves via any sort of stable thought process(excepting, perhaps, digging out a splinter or things of the like which is in the way of medical care of ones self.) and the fact that she is acting out doesn't show that she is doing it for attention, rather shows that she feels she is not getting enough positive attention. This may be because everyone around her is so focused on her "faking" that she has pretty much given up on being beleived when speaking in a normal manner, so she has escalated to see if that will work. Whats happening is that everyone is just thinking shes faking for MORE attention. Do you see what a cycle that is? It becomes more and more insipid as time goes on, and the only way to break it is to ASSUME she is telling the truth. Regardless if she truly is depressed or not, she FEELS she is depressed, therefore deserves CORRECT forms of attention and medical care.

Your little sisters life pattern is EXACTLY the same as mine went. My virginity was lost at age 13. I got drunk at 12. I did drugs at 13. Hard drugs at 19.



Me as well.

[QUOTE][She took a turn at around 15 from preppy to 'Emo'. She created this delusion (if you will) that she was severely depressed. Started to cut herself (only for attention - not a 'true' cutter). She got tattoos and several body piercings. She started to dapple in bisexual lifestyle as well.
/QUOTE]

Me as well. Only for me it was not anything close to a delusion. For me it was a very real affect of much childhood abuse. Some of it was known, some was not.
I would aks you what exactly is wrong with bisexuality, tattoos and peircing? As a bisexual woman, I have to admit I feel a little offended by your considering bisexuality to be a delusion created by Emo kids.

more later.

I would hope that you could not let her past keep you from genuinely helping her now. While there are children who need more attention from their parents, often there is a reason/event for this type of behavior. We can't know what she's really gone through, but from what you say, she doesn't like either herself or how she feels and feels unable to control things.

Again, you invalidate her--perhaps unknowingly? Self harm in any form (cutting, tattoo, piercings) comes from being unsettled inside. It appears her coping mechanisms involve acting out...in essence, screaming for someone to care enough to help her, yet not knowing how to get help. She might be angry at her mom because mom's are "supposed to" be the ones you can rely upon to care and help you out of any difficulty.

Can you help her in a more direct way? Would you agree that she needs professional help? Can you support her enough to say that you don't know why she acts the way she does, but that you can see she is hurting inside and want happiness for her? How can you facilitate her seeing a psychologist? Babysit? Drive her? Trying to mind read someone's thinking as to why they do what they do just isn't good science. Judging her intentions just doesn't work either. Could you be angry because she did get attention that you felt belonged to you (though I'm upset with any parent that thinks love has to be divided up) ? You, nor I, and maybe not she, know exactly why she does what she does, or why she feels how she feels.

I would hate to see the family, you, continue to invalidate her and realize how wrong you were about her depression if she chooses to take her life. I agree that post-partum depression may be making things even worse.

She needs help today. Please be the caring sister and reach out, in love. ((((Mary Ann)))) Realize that your mom didn't make herself the way she was, and some of that can be genetic as well. No one wants to feel bad and hate life.

Good for you to post here trying to help her, though.

Greetings,

Having a thorough sit-down with a medical professional is what, I feel, may be in your best interest.

Have a good one.

I, also, will concur with most of what I have read here. Just because the behavior appears to be manipulative and attention-seeking to you, it does not mean that your sister is not in a great deal of emotional pain and in need of support.

I do, however, want to add something supportive for you. As you describe them, her behaviors are not appropriate ways to express her emotional pain or obtain the reassurance and attention that she desires. Proper diagnosis and treatment could help her to learn more appropriate ways of coping. If she wishes to get help you should support her as much as you are capable of doing so. If she does not wish help, it may be painful but necessary to try to not react to her behaviors. I am not encouraging you to ignore the pain she obviously feels, but to not enable and encourage behaviors that are destructive to your relationship with her. Ask her about what she really feels, try to talk through problems with her, but try not to react emotional to the inappropriate behaviors (provided they are not life threatening). You can encourage someone to seek help, but you cannot make her do it until she is ready and willing.

One more note, if she has an alcohol or drug problem perhaps she would be more open to something like AA than to professional therapy. It may not be all that she needs, but any place to start is better than nothing. If it opens the door to seeing that a problem exists it may allow her to see that she also needs professional help!