[QUEEN OF WANDS]

first of all i am sorry for so much posting lately,,i am trying hard and have been experiencing alot of turmoil in my head .. i am beginning to have an overwhelming feeling of giving up and just live life the way it is..i thought i was doing something good for me (and the people around me).. but this is so hard .. should i just go through life as i am and fake it or will i crash and burn .. can i pull it all together without help ,, probably would be a rough journey but trying to change looks even rougher ..

[pegasus]

(((((((((( QUEEN OF WANDS )))))))))))

Keep plugging away. Change is difficult especially at the beginning. Sometimes there are setbacks and sometimes we take two steps back to get one step forward. It will be worth it in the end.

Hello, QUEEN OF WANDS. I am very sorry your life is so difficult. Please do not give up. Instead of helping you fake, perhaps we may help you change?

Please continue to post. We want to know how you are doing.

[QUEEN OF WANDS]

thank you Byz...i guess thats why i started to want to heal,i cant fake it anymore..the anxiety is too high to live a normal life...the only choice i have for any type of healing is to keep going...thank you both for the extra push ... and pegasus i guess it is the beginning , isnt it..there is a hope for a better ending ..thank you

[bluegirl...?]

((((QUEEN OF WANDS))))


faking is always one of the hardest things to do. let us give u strength to brake away and to get help.

*huggies to you*

and dont be afraid to post, we're here to help you


..Blue

[sundog]

I'm sorry things are so tough (((((((((((Queen of Wands))))))))))))) Well done for continuing to plug away. You are doing the right thing!! I hope things get easier very soon. Sending you healing thoughts

((((((QUEEN OF WANDS))))))
I'm sorry that things are tough right now. I hope you'll keep posting about how things are going, good and bad. Please know that things will not be this difficult forever. It does get better. Sending you many hugs and positive thoughts.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by QUEEN OF WANDS

first of all i am sorry for so much posting lately,,i am trying hard and have been experiencing alot of turmoil in my head .. i am beginning to have an overwhelming feeling of giving up and just live life the way it is..i thought i was doing something good for me (and the people around me).. but this is so hard ..

It is hard, isn't it? What have you been doing that you thought was good for you and others around you, that now gives you so much trouble -- and what is causing the trouble?

[QUEEN OF WANDS]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

It is hard, isn't it? What have you been doing that you thought was good for you and others around you, that now gives you so much trouble -- and what is causing the trouble?

i have decided that how im living is not how i want to live and will kill me sooner than later..so i went for help and got diagnosed with a couple of things and going for a psychological analysis on the 17th to diagnose any personality disorders.....i want to be able to go back to work without being so anxious that i end up messing my job up because when im distraught, i either call in sick or have extreme anxiety and cannot pay attention to my job which has bad affects ...and i want to be able to leave my child with a trusted person without thinking im abandoning them so i can work to provide for them,,i want to feel as if im part of the human race instead of someone who always fears embarassment and to stop feeling like im always being analized and judged each second,, i want to be strong enough to leave a bad relationship and not run looking for another, or worse,,i want to be able to define what real love is with a man,,i want to eventually share my life with someone without becoming so insecure and be able to see abuse and reject it instead of thinking i cant do better or deserve it,,i want to walk with my head held high and smile like i am really happy,,i want to be able to take my children to places they would enjoy ,, i want to feel like i am good enough and i want peace in my heart,,i want to be healthy,,,,,the trouble is getting all of that

[sanityseeker]

((((QueenofWands))))

What a lovely vision for your life. Knowing what you want and being able to articulate it is half the battle won. Keep that vision shining bright in your everyday thoughts and actions. It will serve as a powerful motivator to keep on keepin on.

We have only just met but already I know what an amazing woman, mother, friend and lover you must be for those who have come into your life for you to love.

Making hard choices can be easier if our vision for peace is positioned front and centre into our reality. You will never disappoint or let another down when you are clear about your intentions.

Take it one step, one day at a time and your vision will become your reality. That is my belief even when my reality remains a blurred version of my vision.

Wishing you well. Keep on keepin on. We are with you on the ride.

[QUEEN OF WANDS]

We have only just met but already I know what an amazing woman, mother, friend and lover you must be for those who have come into your life for you to love.

wow,,that is a huge compliment,,thank you,,i use to shy away from compliments but it took years to accept one,,i am appreciative i will keep on keepin on

[sanityseeker]

You have brightened up my day. Thank you. I am keepin on right there with you. It is good to have you walking the path to better days with me.

We may live on opposite sides of the country but thanks to the internet we are never alone through the peaks and valleys.

Blessings.

[sanityseeker]

Just had a thought.... your vision statement is so beautiful I wonder if you have ever created a vision board for yourself. They can be very empowering and motivating. Just making one can reawaken hope and plant new seeds of promise.

hummm... might be a good Sunday afternoon activity for me to indulge in myself over here.

[QUEEN OF WANDS]

that sounds cool,,,what is it ,a list of things i want for myself?

[sanityseeker]

It is more visual then that. You get your hands on some magazines and you go through them mindlessly only stopping when a picture jumps out at you. Tear out the pages as you see pictures or words that speak to your vision for your life. Once you have enough pictures or words collected cut them out in whatever shape speaks to you. Glue them onto a poster sized board in a collage. Hang it on a wall that you will see often as a reminder of your life vision. The more often you see it, the more often you contemplate upon it the more ideas and motivation you have to work towards it.

You can repeat the exercise anytime you feel yourself loosing hope or disconnected from your vision. It can change and evolve over time. You can become too familiar with the board and need new pictures, new sayings to reawaken your vision again.

I hope you give it a try. It doesn't have to cost any more then the price of glue and even there you can make your own paste from flour and water. You can cut up a cardboard box for the backing.

You can draw things too. There are no rules. The point of the exercise is to release your vision. You can collage anything. Fabric, drawings, doodles, twigs and pressed flowers. There are no rules. Just you empowering your vision with images and other triggers that bring you back to your centre.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Originally Posted by QUEEN OF WANDS

first of all i am sorry for so much posting lately,,i am trying hard and have been experiencing alot of turmoil in my head .. i am beginning to have an overwhelming feeling of giving up and just live life the way it is..i thought i was doing something good for me (and the people around me).. but this is so hard .. should i just go through life as i am and fake it or will i crash and burn .. can i pull it all together without help ,, probably would be a rough journey but trying to change looks even rougher ..

((((((((((((((((Queen))))))))))))))))

[garden]

Queen of Wands, stay with the plan. I too had asked that question once. As I was reminded, we are being our real selves no matter the daily difficulty or inner turmoil. Live the best you can until you can feel at ease.