[Lexicon78]

I don't know if anyone else has noticed it, but things seem to be going crazy around here. I noticed, myself included, that people are being less caring or concerned for each other, or are out to get one another. Too much fighting on this site is getting to me. I know I've made a few jabs lately, but it concerns me that others are doing it too...

I just want this to be a more helpful site than what I've experienced lately.

[kimmydawn]

lexicon,

i'm sorry you're seeing this. i've not noticed it at all, actually. we may "hang" in different forms, though.

having said that, i'll also say that there is bound to be disagreement at times in a mental health community of this size, and think (based on that) members do so well!

don't hesitate to pm any moderators with more detail regarding your concerns.

be safe,

kd

(((((((((((((Lexicon)))))))))))))))

I hate when the world around me feels so cold and uncaring. It upsets me to see people fighting also. We do care. Even if you may be going through a dark spot, keep reaching out for others.

[h0kie]

I haven't noticed it either and I've been reading pretty much everything. Actually, I think things have been pretty good for quite a while here. There was a rough patch a while back, but its really a great atmosphere here.

I see you becoming more and more frustrated and lashing out. What can we do to help you?

I hope things get better.

[Lexicon78]

Maybe I'm just concerned about myself and my own behavior, who knows at this point. I remember DocJohn's post and have noticed that there are some frustrations on the Self Injury forum...my own frustrations and a couple others, I'm sure.

Forget I even mentioned it, OK?

[ktp]

I agree with 1Day completely. I've been trying to be helpful, I apologize if I'm failing.

Take care of you,
Kimberly.

[seeker1950]

I haven't noticed it either, but I've posted in more of the social genre lately.
Seeker

[BlueFaith]

(((((Lexi))))) Sorry you feel this way. Is there anything I can do to help you?

-Jennifer-

[eskielover]

I have PM's from some who felt not welcome.....very wonderful people. Maybe some people are just miss understood & we didn't take the opportunity to get to know them. I have noticed that there are several people who are feeling the way you describe......I have followed their posts & am not exactly sure what is going on or what is making them feel uncomfortable. I couldn't read anything into the posts....so not sure where the feelings are coming from....maybe a mis-interpretation on their part...maybe a little oversensitive...maybe just part of their illness.all I know is that they have their reasons....(feelings may have come from PM's they have received that I am not familiar with).

I think there is really a fine line between posting supportive things which are simple hugs & "sorry you are feeling that way" & taking a RISK by pointing out our thinking on the subject .....or pointing out another way of looking at the situation. When we take the risk of responding with more that just hugz, there is always the chance that our response may not be taken in the caring manner in which we meant it. Hopefully the person even though they may feel hurt will understand that we didn't realize that it would be taken that way & that we really didn't know them well enough to know how their feelings would be hurt. Hopefully they will be able to explain themselves so we can learn & get to know them better so as not to make the same mistake again. There may even be the chance that with some time, our response will be better understood by them after the initial reading.

This is a complex forum to post in anyway because we don't really know the internal thinkings, & how someone will take what we post. What may be a little jab to someone may be a major attacking comment to someone else because we don't know their background. It depends on how personally people take things. We need to be sensitive on both sides. When posting, we need to understand that there will be other ways of looking at what we say & be able to learn from the ideas we receive back that there is another way of looking at the situation. We need to be able to forgive a response that may have come across as hurtful with a nice explaination of why, forgive & hope that they will learn more about their communication skills in the future. When responding, we need to understand that people may be sensitive to what we say & we should be willing to learn how to respond to them in the future so as not to hurt them again & again. It is understandable that we may make a response that is an oops to someone.....but to learn about them & not continue to hurt is the communication skill we need to strive for.

I know when dealing with my Mother when she was alive, I could say the simplest thing & she would take it so personally that she wouldn't talk to me for months. I didn't feel sorry for what I said because I meant it.....it was her problem for taking it the way she did.....however in the future from then, I would be more careful about what I said.....learning more about her thinking & taking her feelings into consideration from then on. Didn't mean that I wouldn't make a different mistake in the future.....only not the same one.....it is a continual learning process.

I think this learning process is part of this site being helpful. It is a growth process on all sides about being sensitive. We are learning about others & also able to work on our communications skills. Learning can take different forms....what we say can be reinforced by possitive acceptance of others, or it can be responded to with information as to why we shouldn't have responded that way. I know that I can be hurt by a response, & it also hurts when I take alot of time thinking through & researching a response & its taken wrong or ignored. We all have so much going on in our minds & lives & there are many things we are sensitive to that we may not even know until they hit.

We are all complex people here & hopefully we can learn the ability of being sensitive & still be able to grow on both sides of the fence.

Debbie

[BlueFaith]

Thanks so much for posting that, Eskie. I know I sure did need to read that, because you brought up some points that I would have otherwise not thought about on my own. Thanks again.

-Jennifer-

[(JD)]

I hadn't noticed a enmass upset at the site... goodness knows we've had more than we "needed" here at PC... individual members can have a tiff with each other, depending upon their own dx's whims (?)

Feel better lexi ((((hugs)))) I'm sorry to hear you are upset.

[misty]

I have to say that there have been times here there have been differances, words said prbly shouldn't have but that to me is a part of life. I myself have not felt welcome many times but I know that is alot of my stuff. I have tendancy to be peranoid and such so I have to just understand it is not all everyone else but me too.
I don't mind the differances here cuz it helps me to learn how to live IRL too. If life were just the bed of roses that would be awesome but the thing is it has the thorns too, yuk! I believe many ppl here are very caring and do their/our best . Some times I just need to come out and say what I need. Found out ppl don't read my mind and being on line many times they/we are out living in RL too. Srry hope not being too rude just trying to state some facts and IMO just learned that one (in my opinion).

[DocJohn]

Every member is responsible for his or her own behavior. If someone is "making a few jabs" and then is surprised at getting a "few jabs" back and sees that as "negativity," well, it's not surprising to me. Karma is as karma does.

Be supportive and you'll receive support in return.

Act aloof and uncaring, or try and cover or gloss over another's pain with humor or a snide remark, and you'll get it in return. Why should that surprise anyone?

I don't expect anyone to be perfect here, nor everyone to have a good day every day. Those are unrealistic expectations. But I do expect everyone here to try and treat one another as they themselves would like to be treated. It's a simple thought, but one I wish we would all remember when we feel like saying something snarky or unsupportive next time.

Life is too short for playing games with others. Life is too short for spending energy or time on negativity or revenge or treating others badly.

Please, take care, and take care of one another. That's what we're here for. Nothing else.

DocJohn

[eskielover]

I would like to make one comment regarding humor....& glossing over anothers pain with it. I find that I try to use humor on myself most of the time. I find if I can see a humorous side to the situation, then I will be able to feel at least a little better.

The comment of "laughter is the best medicine" I have found to me very true for myself.....when I take myself too seriously, I become very miserable. Humor doesn't work all of the time & there are many times where is isn't appropriate at all.....but it is a defense mechanism that does work some of the time...& when it works oooooh can I feel much better. Sometimes people who use it themselves as their protection, don't always realize when it is appropriate or in-appropriate to use with others. It is a learning process for them too & possible something they don't even realize.

I know there are times when my husband will say some snide remark & laugh at himself for saying is. I sit there wondering what was so funny & why he is laughing at what he said when it was completely rude & totally inappropriate.

I think it is part of communication skills that we have to work on just like all the other techniques we learn over time.....when it is appropriate & when it isn't. Like it or not, this is an online educational place for us all to learn what & when & even to who, our comments are acceptable.

Yes, we need to care for each other & learn who can accept what type of responses from us, & sometimes learn to lighten up ourselves to possibly understand & maybe even possibly accept the responses we receive with understanding who they come from.

Debbie

Lex, I hope you don't feel any of my posts to you were intentionally harsh or to be mean. If you took it that way then I apologize. I know I wrote a post to you telling you to "snap out of it" but that's only because you were being so hard on yourself that I became upset with you for beating yourself up. I'm really sorry if that hurt you in any way.

[kerria]

(((((Lexicon)))))

Hi Lexicon and Everyone,

It feels like no one cares when we're having a hard time. It's an automatic thing that just happens.

Aren't support forums really only for those that have other intact support besides this so when we're misunderstood here we're not misunderstood by everyone in our world?

Support forums are only healthy for those who don't need the support as much and for those who have less need of support and can post light-hearted jokes - behind another keyboard there's someone in despair that has no one to go to that understands their diliemmas.

Then you can be left there, just thrown out on the screen the deepest painful event and others ignore or give advice that doesn't apply at all- and you feel so unsupported. Not only that- there isn't any where else to go for support so you just sit and cry, thinking that no one cares or wants you around at all.
What can you do? You can't lift yourself up enough to post support others because it feels so so bad inside.

It's easy to also compare our life with others and think ,' why do i have all these problems that are so painful and unsolveable- am i getting what i deserve? ' Our situations are so unequal that even just that alone causes pain.

i don't know what to do - i really need friends and want to be a friend but it's so hard to have all the pain when people don't care equally and write me off because they can't understand or identify.

Thank you Doc John and everyone here, it's a good place but i only wish it wasn't so painful to come. Maybe there's no way that people can care that is equal to our need.

kerria

[h0kie]

Kerria, we do care. The folks here are trying to help, but we can only do so much through a computer. You're right, you do need that tangible support. I know several that would jump through their computer and help you if that were an option.

I hope you find peace and most of all, understanding. Please keep posting. We're trying, we truly are.

[Lexicon78]

kerria, I'm here if you need me. I had to take some time out but I'm back and more into this site...still worried, but I'm here. PM me when you need to talk.