[supery123]

i need help diagnosing a friend of mine who has many issues.
Her and her husband have had a rocky relationship for years. Before marriage, When she was in college, she went through a rough period with him and he was being abusive. They were dating but fighting constantly and breaking up on and off. One night she went out and drank and used drugs and ended up sleeping with two men in the same night after blacking out. That became traumatic for her and she continued to go out and drink and ended up sleeping with several other men on different occassions while drunk. She told him (the boyfriend) at the time about one incident but he became violent, called her names, etc. so she never mentioned the rest. He ended up cheating on her later, they broke up, then got back together and married a few yrs later.
The marriage had problems, he was trying to meet someone else online and she found out, they split up for a few weeks. she then went out and had another drunken one night stand while separated. They got back together and had a baby a few years ago.
She says she feels suicidal sometimes over these past incidents. She cant get it out of her head that she feels like a ***** and a no good person who doesnt deserve to live. She spends hours each day reliving these events and doing things like making lists of the stuff she did. She feels guilt and shame and can not confess these past events to her husband.
What is wrong with her, is it depression, ptsd, ocd? how can I help?

[anna342]

Firstly, we cannot help diagnose. Secondly, unless you are trained (which I guess not since you are asking us for help with it) you shouldn't be trying to diagnose either.

It is not worth trying to diagnose your friend, it'll only cause hurt to you both and not solve the problems anyway.

Your last question is more important in my mind- how you can help.

You can support your friend in seeing professionals for a diagnosis/treatment/help with her problems. You can also be a listening ear for her. You can help her practically if she needs it. However if she does not want to seek help it may be hard for you to get anywhere in the treatment way of things. But being a friend and giving space and time for her will be the best thing you can offer. It sounds like you really care, hence making this post, and showing how much you care would probably really help her.

[einundzwanzig]

u know whats weird? your friend feels bad for the drunken night stands so it causes her to drink and do it all over again? seems defeating to me...?? maybe if she didnt drink she would not have sex so often and regret. just a thought. its hard believe me.. but to have self respect you have to not to certian things. ya know, i dont know her issue, sounds like something i read the other day named borderline disorder, where people do things like drink and or have sex to feel i dont know what they feel but they want to feel something, fill a void kindof thing?? i think the word was unstable, they are never balaneced, why i think its called borderline... i cant remember. but she sounds like that to me... let her know she needs to treat herself with respect and then she wont do those things because she will like herself and im going on and on and on so im i going to stop. this probabbly didnt help but yeah....

21

[supery123]

Originally Posted by einundzwanzig

u know whats weird? your friend feels bad for the drunken night stands so it causes her to drink and do it all over again? seems defeating to me...?? maybe if she didnt drink she would not have sex so often and regret. just a thought. its hard believe me.. but to have self respect you have to not to certian things. ya know, i dont know her issue, sounds like something i read the other day named borderline disorder, where people do things like drink and or have sex to feel i dont know what they feel but they want to feel something, fill a void kindof thing?? i think the word was unstable, they are never balaneced, why i think its called borderline... i cant remember. but she sounds like that to me... let her know she needs to treat herself with respect and then she wont do those things because she will like herself and im going on and on and on so im i going to stop. this probabbly didnt help but yeah....

21

Yes, that makes sense. shes not doing those things anymore but still feels bad about it, it happened years ago. Ill check out the borderline thing. Thanks for responding!

[Fresia]

I whole heartedly agree with Anna342 on everything, truly. Please seriously consider everything that has been said in this post.

1. We cannot diagnose, unless trained, no one else should be either.
2. You can be supportive by suggesting help, getting her in touch with someone who is trained, and by being there for her as a friend most definitely.

It is not easy to sit back and watch if she chooses not to seek help but that is her decision and can't make it for her; we can only encourage and be supportive. By posting is a sign of what a good friend you are and expressing your concern. She is lucky to have you.

[supery123]

My bad, I shouldnt have said diagnosis, more like Im just looking for some general opinions. I realize none of us are medical professionals, Im just curious as to what her problem may be, Im not looking to prescribe her meds or anything of that nature.

[JAZZY10]

Gosh this is an easy one to answer:

There is nothing wrong with her - she is a victim of a perverted society that threw away the rules in the 1960's and wonders what the hell happened. She acted like a *****.(One night she went out and drank and used drugs and ended up sleeping with two men in the same night after blacking out. That became traumatic for her and she continued to go out and drink and ended up sleeping with several other men on different occasions while drunk.) The boyfriend reacted in a stereotypical way - unless he was a saint in training -he then took her rules and lived by her standards. THEN, both knowing they were both prone to infidelity they stupidly got married (Judge Judy would love this couple). THEN, after doing it ALL over again, they think having a baby will fix their problems (don't people realise what intergenerational issues are?)

Okay! lets be positive - after all they did find the Titanic - this couple need first a foremost to put the child far above their selfishness. They need to find a good marriage / couples counsellor and spend some time being honest with each other. I don't think a church affiliated counsellor will be useful at this point in time (they often seem to not understand these things in a rational way) However, later a good well balanced religious commitment may help their marriage improve if they don't end up getting divorced.

She is not mentally ill in a conventional way, she is suffering from guilt, dishonesty, resentment etc., etc. All normal results of BAD behaviour when a person steps outside her moral values, thinking because they do it on TV its okay for her too. Pills won't fix it. YOU, can be honest with her and help her and her husband to realise that was in the past and that now they can - for their child's sake - forgive and forget and move on with their lives or, end up pill junkies living lonely lives with a kid that will give them hell when s/he is in their teens.

Been there done that! Love and best wishes Jasmine