PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP AND REPLY

i am 16 and my mom grounded me for 3 months (until next report cards come home) because i had a 76 in u.s. history. she told me i would be grounded for 3 months, then i talked to her down to 1 week. i said somethnig to her about it and she called me a "liar" and said "i am putting words in her mouth" about me only being grounded for a week. it is very hard to live with my mom beng like this and i have considered leaving home many times. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE help me

Fast...

The teenage years are going to be the most stressful for a parent and their child. I know, I have a 15 year old son.

I have also struggled with my son's poor academic performance. It can be extremely frustrating for a parent because parents know how much is riding on good academic performace. Doing well in high school also establishes good habits that will carry through for the rest of your life.

I know my frustration with my own son is magnified because he is smart and capable yet under achieves. I have probably erred on the side of letting him fall on his own face. There is no right or wrong answer to these problems.

But, if your mother is grounding you for not performing well in school it is because she cares about you and loves you. Frankly, I think it would be far worse if you had a parent that didn't care about how you did in school.

I really don't think that the answer is leaving home. If you do that you are only going to increase the tension with your mother. Many, many times teens that have a terrible relationship with their parents in their teen years wind up having wonderful relationships with their parents when they get a little older. Don't throw that away.

I would suggest that you find a time when your mother is not upset with you or anything else and sit down and talk with her. Really talk with her. Tell her how you feel. If you are doing your best in school tell her that. Explain to her your plan for improving your school grades. You must have a plan to do this..... very important. You need to show your mom that you are being proactive and responsible, she will respect that.

I am not saying you are doing this, but many, many times teens like to cast blame on everyone but themsleves, especially their parents. If you can show your mom that you are willing to accept responsibility for what has happened to you in school that wil be huge.

It would also be a good idea to tell your mom that you appreciate that she cares how you do in school. And, there must be other things that your mom does for you that you could tell her that you appreciate those things. You would be surprised how many parents feel under appreciated by their teens.

Just try and be open and honest with your mom. You are at a point where you are on the verge of being a young adult. As an adult sometimes you have to suck it up and take the first step in solving problems in any relationship. your mom will appreciate that too.

thanks for the reply, and i have already tried talking to my mom and making a plan for doing better. when ever i try to talk to my mom she just laughs in my face like everything i am saying is total bull or she yells at me without listening to me or makes fun of me. like today, she was like "are you going to the fair with kaitlyn (my girlfriend) next weekend? oh, thats right, you'll be grounded, haha, that sucks" and i told her i think we should go see a family shrink together and she said "wwwaaaa, i'm jimmy, i'm a little baby and whever i get hurt i want to see the doctore, wwwwaaaaa"

on a side note, what kind of vette do you have? I am a car nut and they are really the only things that matter to me other than my girlfriend and God

Fast....

Certainly sounds like your relationhsip with your mom is in need of some serious repair. It is so diificult to know the entire situation from reading your posts. How about your Dad, is he in your life? Can you go to him?

You might also try setting up an appointment with your school guidance counselor or school social worker. Explain the situation to them. See if they can arrange a meeting with both you and your mom to discuss your school issues.

my dads in my life, we tolerate each other and we dont argue but we arent very close (except when we are wrenchin on our mustangs or playing golf). i tried talking to him but he is kind of a push over and does whatever my mom says.

i go to a cracked up private school run by rich snobs and we dont have guidance counselors or anything. tuesday at school i could talk to my old lit teacher, i am pretty close with her and can talk to her about a lot of stuff.

fast,

Vett gave you some really good advice, I hope you'll take at least some of it. But, I remember how difficult it was to be 16, and that was a VERY long time ago. I know it's even harder today to be a teenager. I have a 16 yo daughter, and I see how much stress she has. The pressure from her Mom and I to do well in school, to be a good person. The pressure from her friends to experiment with drugs and alcohol (which she hasn't thankfully), and to spend more time socially with them, and less time on things like homework and chores. And there's a lot more.

I guess what I'm saying is that I know you don't have it easy. And it keeps getting harder. That's why it's so important for you to prepare yourself now for being an adult. I'd take Vett's advice and wait for a good time to talk to your Mom. It's important that she knows how you feel, and that you're taking your life seriously. And you have a right to be heard. But, as a parent myself, I know she'll listen to you a lot better, if she thinks you're listening to her, and that you appreciate her.

I hope you can work this all out. And remember that you can come here and talk to us too. We're parents too, but not yours

Welcome to the forums!

bp

"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."

fast...fast...fast.....

Take a step back here ... please. You wrote that you go to a "cracked up rivate school run by rich snobs". Part of becoming a better person is to look past the bad in situations and in people and look for the good. Look for the good in your school and in your mom.

As I said teens have a tendancy to blame everyone and everything else but themselves. It's all part of growing up.

I think that its a good first step to talk to a teacher you can trust. If you meet this problem head on and come up with a solution on your own you will take a giant step forawrd in becoming a responsible adult.

oh, i fully admit that its my fault i dont get better grades.

Fast64,

Let me give you a mother's perspective--this is only me speaking for myself--we mothers want only the best for our children, we think they are the brightest, the most beautiful, wonderful beings. It is frustrating to see our children just squeaking by and not exercising their full potential.

Vette had some great advice and from what you said it seems as though you have approached her with it. Just remember it is all in the approach also. If you come across as a hot tempered teenager then she may not take you seriously. As for the comments she made back to you I don't understand that. If one of my children came to me and told me that he/she wanted to go to a counselor in order to communicate with me I would jump at the chance. I know the teen years are rough but don't worry you will be okay-you seem to head a good head on your shoulders, and a month is only 30 days. It may seem like a lifetime right now but trust me later on you will wish it still seems that way.

I think that vette was right on target when he suggested talking to the school counselor, they may even be able to bring someone in during school hours to talk with you,.

Good Luck and I hope you stick around-you seem like a great person

jac