[tinybabyrex]

first i want to say, hi. i've been sitting back and for the most part, just reading. trying to get a "feel" for the people and site........but i need help & advice & support.
i can't reaaly get that is no-one knows anything about me.........i'm a female in my 20's, i have not seen a dr in yrs,never seen a pdr or therapist.(for several reasons...,no $,no insurance, and i don't leave my home[i get sick & have panic attacks when i do].........i have been sad and lonely since i can remember, i don't have 1 single friend, i cry myself to sleep on the few nights a week i do sleep,.......i have no-one to talk to about my feelings and/or prob., my fiance says "ok, that's enough! getting upset and crying about it, won't solve anything",.......... my mother &father are too busy bashing the other while talking to me that they barely notice i'm alive......... i was sexually attacked when i was younger, not raped, but forced over and over to do other things, and to have them done to me........ when i was a teen i used to cut my arms and thigghs, which i have recently learned, is a common mental disorder......my grandmother was more of a mother to me then my own mom, and for the last several years i took care of her(gramma) because she was diagnosed w/ dementia and could no longer care for herself, not too long after developed Alzheimers and several other things, she passed away at the end of june............she was all i had emotionally, and at the end hated me for taking care of her, it was sooooooooo hard. ........now my godfather/uncle has been diagnosed with terminal cancer, he was almost in remission, he was soooo close,.......... i was in an accident (car) a few years ago and with the exception of a couple stiches in my forehead and knees, some bumps and bruises everything seemed to be ok, untill pieces of my teeth started falling apart(apparently i slammed my jaw together so hard it cracked all, yes all, my teeth. but it wasn't noticable at the time, untill 3 years ago when i would wake up with tooth pieces in my mouth, as i mentioned earlier i have no extra $ or insurance, and we all know that dentists are way more expensive then dr's, it would cost approx. $30,000.00 to "fix" them or $5,000.00 to have them pulled and replaced w/ dentures, my point is........because everyone of them are severely broken, some to the gum, i can barely eat anything, and the worst thing of all is that i cannot smiile! i cannot talk to people because i'm so embarassed, i have for 3 years avoided anything remotely fun, because i might smile.........i'm supposed to be married already, i want to get a job, i want to have more children, i want to attend family thanksgivings and christmas' and b-day parties, but i can't because those are all fun, and i might smile, i have lost friends because i won't go out with them, people think i'm rude or a b%#*h because i don't talk back or make eye contact. but that isn't it, i just don't want people to see my teeth, every single one of them is at least half gone, they have holes in them and they are black and hideious looking.......i have called over 300 dentists and of you don't have insurance, you have to have the $ up front...........so i don't leave the house, and now it is starting to affect my family, my fiance is sick of going to family "get-togethers" alone, my son doesn't understand why we don't have birthday parties for his friends, the only way i can make love to my fiance is if i'm on my stomach with my face in the pillow, this is a viscious cycle that makes me more and more depressed every minute of everyday, and i won't even get into the INTENSE PAIN i live with every single second.does anyone know how suicidal it can make you feel to be in that much pain? or how horrible it can make you feel knowing that you have to avoid anything that might be fun and/or funny? can you imagine what it feels like to NEVER be able to smile? i want to get married sooooo badly, i want to be happy, i want people to realize i'm a good person, not the rude person they think i am. i want to get a job, i want to be a social worker, i want to adopt lots and lots of children!!!! i love being a mother!!!
i have always been a good person, i have always helped others. i have and would do anything for anyone. i just don't understand why bad things keep happening to me and my family. i have never asked anyone for anything. i was a teenage mother who has finished school and am raising my child with his father, we have never had any form of goverment assistance, he never left me(us). we have been in love since we were in th 7th grade. we have always done the right thing.i just don't and can't understand why has all these horrible things happened to me?..........if i could have one wish it would be to be able to laugh and smile at and with my family. ......................................................i just don't know how much longer i can hang on???????????????

[Psyclox]

LIfe sucks and the situation that you are in is truly a terriable one and all you have to do is just ask your fiance for the cash or if he doesn't have it just apply for a social grant or try sumthing, cause not to be rude or anything so please don't take this the wrong way but sitting at home won't solve anything you have to make a plan and get the help that you need, hoping that all goes well for you in the future so ya peace out and good luck with it all.

[weather]

I wish I could help. A first start would be your teeth. If left unattended,they may decay to the nerve with infection and realy bad toothaches.

One option is to check with a dental college. They charge less than regular dentists and given the condition of your teeth, maybe they will cut you a deal as a teaching or research aid. Once I had work done by dental students for about a quarter of the regular price.