Too stupid to be a parent

((((((((((((((((((((((((((wi)))))))))))))))))))))))))

just extra for you. you're an awesome mom for doing anything and everything you can think of or access...just awesome.

kd

We reported it to the school. They talked to the teacher and said the problem was taken care of. She's had tons of reports filed against her for inappropriate conduct, and they still have to keep her on staff for some reason.

One boy broke both of his leg bones a few weeks ago because she made them play speed ball on wet grass. She said it was his own fault and she had nothing to do with it.

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wi_fighter said:
We reported it to the school. They talked to the teacher and said the problem was taken care of. She's had tons of reports filed against her for inappropriate conduct, and they still have to keep her on staff for some reason.

One boy broke both of his leg bones a few weeks ago because she made them play speed ball on wet grass. She said it was his own fault and she had nothing to do with it.

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Screw reporting it to the school - I'd go straight to Child Protective Services - or whatever branch it is you have there (Family Services, basically).

Sometimes reporting brutality to the school board doesn't help - but if the school begins to see investigators on a regular basis, they generally wise up real quick.

I just got email back from the guidance counselor. He was flabbergasted at how many assignments she was missing for the first quarter. We're going to hold a conference with me, her, all of her teachers, and the guidance counselor.

He's going to go with her to talk to her Algebra teacher during study hall today. I feel sort of bad singling out the math teacher now that I'm findung out why she's not doing the work.

One of her biggest excuses is "I didn't bring home everything that I need for the assignment." More like "I didn't take notes, that's why I don't have everything I need."

She seems to have just given up. She's probably depressed now on top of ADD.

I don't mean to pry... but does she live with you most of the time or your husband? Also, maybe you should include your husband in this conference, then he can't say it's you, plus other parties would be present.

She's been living with me full time since mid August at her request and her dad's allowed it.

Guidance counselor wrote back a second time and said </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I do know that when we face a challenge motivating a student, usually we are doing are best and the parent is doing the same only spending more time at it. I don't have any answers but a part of me wonders if the failing is bringing her more attention-getting people to rally around her. I threw out a few possible ideas and it seemed before I finished speaking she was spinniing her wheels to come up with a reason or an excuse why that would not work.

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Yep, she does the same thing here when I try to help her with homework. She's especially fond of insisting that the textbook will be of no help.

I'm sorry wi that sounds incredibly frustrating

WI it sounds like you are on the right track with this. Please realize that you are an AWESOME parent to look into this and to try to find out what is going on and find ways to improve it.

It really angers me that your husband not only wants to blame you for falling grades, but now we find out that there is a potential solution (with regard to ADD) and he wants to DISMISS that solution but STILL wants to blame YOU for the grades.

It sounds to me like the ADD thing is what you need to look into. If it will help your daughter, and also if you suspect she is beginning to suffer from depression, you need to make sure that not only the decisions regarding treatment stay with you and your daughter--and get as many others on your side to help, so that your husband won't be able to just poo-poo the idea and keep it from happening.

The other thing is that you may be in a great position to teach your daughter that there are always going to be people like her father that don't "believe" in these illnesses but that she should be strong of her own will and make her own decisions as to what she needs, and not to be embarrassed if people like her dad say they "should be able to just get better on their own." Give her that strong sense that people like that are simply wrong about depression, ADD, etc. Maybe this will give her the hope to try treatment and the belief that she can do better in school.

You may not be able to teach her math directly, but there are clearly a lot of areas where you will be able to teach her and give her skills that will carry her through life, even if she doesn't pursue a career that requires algebra (and even if she does!)

LMo sent me a link to an article on underachievers. She's got that written all over her, and I contributed to it in part.

I'm an underachiever?

Yeah, a huge underchiever.

You knew I meant Alex. Don't make me make sense on 3 hours of sleep.

The "rules" for each subject in schooling changes every day week month and year. Those that graduate this year will most likely not know how to do what is being taught next year. I was told this by my sons teacher when he was academic problems. I felt like such a loser for not being able to help him but she told me Im helping just by being there to here his complaining about the classes.just because I don't know how to do the work doesn't mean I can't help him in other ways such as teach him good study habits of doing his homework at the same time every night, and doing it in an area that is quiet and free from distractions, and when he does come to me with mom I can't do this we can put him in touch with a friend from class, his teacher, and seach the community for those that offer tutoring in that subject. Here they have SMART, literacy vollunteers, some of the retired teachers also tuter, sylvan learning center, and the tutoring/learning center Inc. this last one is an agency that the parents in the community put together of parents who were frustrated in not being able to help their children but when they got to talking as neighbors and friends they realised they themselves were agreat resource the one complaining they couldn't help their child with math could help another child with reading, and vice versa.. you can find these resources by opening the phone book to the yellow pages and looking under the word toturing. Talk to other parents too maybe you can get a group of tutors together with what yoo all do know. Good luck.

I'm coming in late to this thread... and not able to read all of the posts... (my problem) But I have two comments. 1) I'm sorry you were drawn into her drama by her waiting till the last minute to ask for help... the night before? grrrr and 2) I'm a pretty smart person... alegebra was the only course I ever flunked, and it was because the math teacher refused to believe I couldn't do it. (then)... the next year a computer error put me into the next level and I aced it...and went on from there right through post grad stuff. Just thought I'd share.

Thanks for the ideas.

I'm struggling with her right now to actually do her work. She's been "working" on it for an hour and has managed to do 9 problems out of 42 total. One excuse was "I lost my pencil and couldn't find it." Then she needed an eraser, then she had to go to the bathroom, now she's picking the steak out of her teeth.

First of all, I'm going to add to the comments about your feeling guilty about not being able to help your daughter. I teach Maths to an able class of 11-12 yr olds. Yesterday my 13 yr old daughter (who is recognised as being gifted) came home with a Maths homework I couldn't do! I just haven't covered the work she was doing (better add here that ICT, RE and English are my specialist subjects and what I teach most of!) I had to get her to ask a colleague. So no way can you beat yourself up for not understanding.

There are some great web sites out there; pm me if a list would help. But to me it sounds like your daughter's counsellor has it right - the teachers and you are spending more energy to get your daughter to do her work than she is. She needs to take responsibility for her work - but if she has ADD then that is really tough for her to do. Again, there are websites out there with suggestions.
Can you tie in homework to rewards? Could she have a "study buddy"? How about having a box full of the equipment she will need to do her homework so she can't use missing equipment as an excuse?

Take care, and don't beat yourself up!

Caroline

stocking a desk with apackage of 10 pencils of various colors and 10 erasers of various shapes and colors, a package of loose leaf paper, package of 20 color pencils and markers, 5 pens (at least 2 blue) 2 rulers and a cheep calculator cures the "I can't find ..."

Homework before after school snack and or dinner cures the forgot to brush my teeth.

Your taking a bath during childs homework time so they better use the bathroom before you get in cures the bathroom break problems

LOL for just as many problems my son would come up with I would find a cure for. Its amazing how fast he got is work done when more computer time and game boy time was added into the routine. good luck and take care.