Should I seek admission to Psych Hospital? Very hard to face.

Rose76, I've read some of your post, you are good at writing and expresing your self that way. Maybe you could write to your pdoc and share the angst you feel. If you both feel that inpatient is a life saving chioce at this time I encourage you to find out what is now acepted at the hospital so you can find some things to comfort you. I find a locked door no matter how good the hospital very hard to accept. But if I now I can bring journals, the stiched kind, no metal and pincils, or pens, and somekind of art suplies it lways helps, some people prefer their fav, books, or music. All hospitals have their own rules. I can't tell you not to feel embarassed, because that is a feeling and therefor real, but I can imagine that most people to work there and know you would rather know you felt you could come in and save your life. I've had both good and bad times. The better times were going with the help of my pdoc, being able to know what personal tings I could bring, and having a walk though first. Some do not alow that, but youve worked there so you know some of what to expect. I encorage you to find out if there have been changes before hand so its not such a surprise. This might help it be a better experance. I wish you luck whatever is decided.

I should have read all the post first-this will be my lesson, It looks like your getting a good handle on it, and yes I've found out that Mondays are the best if you are not in eminent danger. Still good luck.

Hi,

I am new to this site so I am not sure if I am doing this right. But anyway I am having the same problem. I am freshman college student and I have been feeling very suicidal for about 3 weeks. I have an appointment at the schools counseling center on Thursday and I am worried that they will recommend that I go to the hospital. They have recommended it before, but I went home instead. To make thing even more complicated I have exams the following week and I don't want to be in the hospital and when I need to be studying. I have been seriously been considering killing myself this summer and I am becoming more depressed as the days go on. No one seems to understand and I feel really trapped. Any suggestions?

If you and your counselor feel that inpatient is the best thing right now, I think you should go. As far as exams coming up, you can always talk to your doctor and your teacher about getting an extension on them. When I had mono I was granted an extension on my finals. I do believe some hospitals will let you study in your "off" time.

Sounds to me that you should look at getting more intensive treatment b/c this has been going on for sometime. Stay safe. Sending you thoughts and gentle hugs.

Hello Rose. Welcome.
My first instinct is to ask why your T doesn't know how badly you feel?
Second , is there any other choice than the hospital where you work?
I have been going to the same place for a few years now. As with any hospital, there's good and bad and it comes in phases. I lately worked with some wonderful people in groups, learning DBT/CBT skills. The artistic therapy was wonderful too. The staff were very kind and allowed me to be real.
\You are worth protecting and being treated well. If you feel this is a good move for your safety, by all means , do it. No one can give you any treatment that you refuse, so never worry about that. Please let your therapist in on this state of mind . Good luck!

Rose:

How are you doing today? Have you talked to your therapist?

It sounds to me Rose76 that you first need to contact your doctor to discuss the feelings you are having. He or she will help you determine if you need to be admitted to the hospital or whether you simply need to adjust or change your medication, or try psychotherapy.

My doctor has advised me in the past to go to the hospital if I was thinking of hurting myself and I have tried to use this as my criterion of whether or not I need to go to the hospital. Obviously, the hospital should be a last resort but, should you feel like harming yourself, do not hesitate to go to the hospital. Upon admission, they will contact your doctor and inform him or her that you are in the hospital and that they need to see you there.

I have also told my wife to admit me in the hospital if I need to go. Sometimes when I am sick, it seems that I am the last to know. If I'm manic, I think everything is great. When I'm depressed, I won't get out of bed. I hope you have someone in your life to help you manage your illness. It doesn't have to be a spouse but could be a friend or coworker.

Also, I hope you have a spiritual adviser who can help you when you are ill. This has also been invaluable to me personally.

Good luck and God bless.

Thanks for your help

Im feeling a lot better today. My appointment is not for a few days so I guess we'll see then what happens. Just trying to stay on top of exams. Plus two days off this week! So things are looking a little better this week.

Rose, I hope things are going well, or at least as good as they can. Have any desisions been reached?

Crazyman, please do go to the counseling center, and even if they say you need hospitalization go with it. Collage is really a hard time, and isolating yourself by keeping it all inside will not be a very effective coping statagy for long. Schools now know better how to deal with such things, and if you are hospitalized a social worker will help you deal with the school, so that you will be free to concentrate on the depression and suicidal thoughts that plague you. Please do not try to deal with this alone.

My thoughts go out to both of you and for having the strenth to post.

I am hating to be in my apartment alone. Twice, not too long ago, I went to the Psych. crisis area just to have them document that my anxiety, at times, is so extremely distressing. I was not a danger to myself; we decided I did not want, nor need, to be admitted. The good outcome was that now my own pdoc at this facility has a better idea about how tough a time I am experiencing.

I have a hard time enduring being alone in my apartment now. This was not how I used to be. Most of my life, I lived alone and was always happy to have the privacy and freedom of my own space to live in. Just now I visited with my neighbor next door. I am the sort of person who just says "Hi" to neighbors when passing, but that's it. Well, I am a bit more friendly with the lady just next door to me. So I just spent a good while chatting with her. Now I am alone in my apartment and I am feeling kind of stressed. This not wanting to be alone in my apartment is making me crazy.

Some years back, when I had a dog, I would feel very content, at times, just to be home with my dog. It is 3 and 1/2 years since my dog passed away. I really am not in a position to own a dog at this time. Also, where I live does not allow pets. Even if pets were allowed, I would be slow to make that commitment again. I am not partial to cats. I really love dogs, but I spent a small fortune on my last dog, especially as she became ill with medically complex problems. Losing her was torture for me.

I don't know why I am talking about animals, when this thread is about something else. It seems I do not meet criteria for going in-patient, nor do I want to, but it seems I am almost out of my mind with anxiety at home alone. If I could only turn back the clock. I can remember what it was like to not feel so crazy. But I can not seem to regain my sanity. Now tears fill up my eyes.

(((Rose))) I am sorry you are having such a difficult time right now.

I am also sorry to hear about the loss of your dog. It's so hard to lose a part of our family like that.

Not sure i'm the right one to give advice on being alone as I really have a hard time with it myself. I normally turn to distractions - tv, games, etc. Anything so I don't feel so alone. Sending you many gentle hugs. Please feel free to PM if you would like.

I think its relavent, you were thinking of going to the hospital based on anxity, it seems it was very close a few times. In times of stress I know I still think about my horse and dog that I grew up with, it was so safe with them around. I'm the same way, loving my privacy, and only knowing my neighors to say hi to. I'm glad you found one you can talk to, even if it makes you feel a bit loney for your dog. I think there is a conection there. I'm really glad your Pdoc seems to be better at understanding where you are coming from. Sometimes I feel the same way, like I'm getting stressed and anxious being alone, usualy I find out later its becouse something is wanting me to pay attention and deal with some past problem. I don't know what trigers it, but sometimes it takes awhile for me to figure it out and I have a great T. She just lets me kinda of free think and maybe we'll come up with it sooner than later. I hate it when I feel that way, and I have to confess, that in times like that I want safty, and even with bad experances, and good, I want to check in just so I don't have to deal with the constant anxity. I'm sorry about your dog too, I just kinda learn to like cats because of volunteering at the animal shelter. I really can't afford him, but he's a pretty good buddy. I hope you find something useful in this kinda wondering post. I just want to say I get it, your not alone. keep the door opin to options and don't forget to breath.

Rose,

You know I've sometimes thought of going inpatient just to get a med evaluation. You can check yourself in voluntarily just to be safe. IF you're meds aren't working for you then I would suggest this route. Well, it's what I would do if I were in this situation.

Love and Hugs,
Tara

My heartfelt thanks to all of you for your kind posts. I re-read them and it helps me think through my options. Your help has been valuable.

hi rose, check this out. I've been trying to get hospitalised for some time, but they wont have me. I've "proper" self harmed(cutting), still i'm left to my own devices. I think its because i've told them( my doc's + therapist) i'm not suicidal. So, they abandon me, i go to my app's sometimes with my arm wrapped in bandage, still they will not put me in hospital!!!! strange, most strange. I've had/got many friends in hospital, i go visit, i'm envious and not envious at the same time. I'm envious because they do not have to deal with life, i'm not envious because they cannot do what i do when i leave, have fun, listen to music, be myself. Its a conumdrum i know. Good Luck. sanada..x.x.x.

Hi Rose76,

I have been reading your posts and just wanted to send many supportive thoughts your way. I could relate to what you said here.
I had one small idea. Is there anywhere to visit with a dog in your area? Maybe you could do an internet search for a place that works with therapy dogs such as the sort of place that offers therapy dogs that visit senior centers. Maybe you could visit these pups or volunteer with them?
I know that even just getting out of the house isn't easy, well that's what I struggle with. But maybe seeing a dog light up at your presence might make it worth it. Elana.

Thanks to all of you above for your encouragement. I had a social commitment, which I fulfilled yesterday. (It was important and allowed me to try and make up for something in the past that I felt very bad about.) Getting that over with, now allows me to revisit the idea of asking to be admitted.

I returned to my apartment this afternoon and felt so really good to get a message via Facebook from a sort of distant relative. It was a very thoughtful gesture on the part of someone who lives in another country and hasn't seen me for a very long time. I'm still kind of riding a "high" from that. I hear so very, very little from my "next-of-kin" that it really hurts, and I want to just about beg them to think of me with some compassion. We used to love each other. For years now, we have become truly estranged. Everyone has said not very nice things about everyone else. I live far away from kin-folk and have tried to keep the ties from disintegrating. Always, I've traveled to see them. I have no children and have always taken a big interest in my nieces and nephews, who are all adults now. Always, I've remembered birthdays and graduations, etc. I would never have thought that I would wind up this forgotten. It is not my way to intrude myself on anyone who seems to prefer to keep a distance. So I try not to in anyway bother them. I feel very hurt and cast off. Now my eyes are filling with tears.

And my throat starts to hurt.

I write letters that I throw away, fearing what the response might be.

The loss of my job and the disconnection with my family cause me great sadness. At times, I have so much anxiety that I almost can't bear to exist. My doctor has let me know that I can be admitted if I would like that. It seems I would not have to meet the criterion of being an imminent danger to myself. At this time, I am not. I don't know what benefit I really could derive from going in the hospital. It just feels that I am dealing with something extremely hard and that it is not humane for me to be doing this alone. That is the best way I can express it - that it is inhumane for a person to be left alone in this state of mind.

I sit here thinking, "Maybe I should go to the psych hospital now." I don't know what the people who are there now are like or how they would treat me. Well, I will go to bed soon. Tomorrow, I will think about it some more.

I am not looking for a job because I am frightened that I have no confidence in my ability to do a good job of anything. I am not pursuing putting in a claim for SSDI because I feel there is no really good reason why I should not have to try to get a job. If my family knew of my situation, they would probably be angry and say, "You better do one or the other." I'm in a kind of mental Limbo.

As I am writing this, I am kind of calming down. I am tired and I will go to sleep. I hate going to bed because I dread waking up to another "tomorrow."

To: Wingin'it - I wish I was as competent as I may have sounded. I want to believe that I can help myself.

I am sorry you are feeling so disconnected from your family and abandoned. I would not worry about finding a job right now. Sounds like you have other things going on that need your attention. Please feel free to PM me. Sorry I don't have more words of encouragement

Well, I feel like I'm becoming a regular "Hamlet" with this "should I, or shouldn't I", stuff - but, I have strong feelings for, AND against, going into the hospital. Also, I am some kind of a natural-born "fence sitter." I am not an imminent danger to myself.

Today, I seem to be having an uncomfortable reaction to Ritalin. I have a feeling some of my past(recent) episodes of angst may have been partly fueled by Ritalin. Maybe I just didn't realize it was partly due to the Ritalin. I could get admitted to work on my med stabilization. Then, again, one doesn't need to be hospitalized just to titrate, or discontinue, a medication.

I'm on Nortriptyline 75mg and Restoril 60mg each night. Then, I'm on Celexa 40mg in the morning. The Ritalin is prescribed at 20 to 30 mg twice per day at 8am and 12 noon. Besides these routine meds, I am on Klonapin(clonazepam) 2mg, as needed (like for just once a day.)

Lately, I've been taking just one capsule of the Restoril (which would be 30 mg.) When I am sufficiently tired at night, that seems to be all I need.

I like my pdoc a lot, but I do think he has got me on too many things for us to keep track of what is doing what.

I went for a very, very long time on just amitriptyline 50mg and Librium 20 mg. I did have continual problems with depression, but I am not any better off on all this stuff.

I was on quite a few meds. When I went into the psych hospital, I got my meds adjusted and decreased the number I was on. The "nice" thing about being in the hospital and changing meds is that it is easier to do and can be done faster. Just some thoughts.

Oh Rose, I hear you, feeling so alone, far from family. Here in this place you have friends. Yes its easy to say, yes but, they really don't know me, its true. We are not family, my family too are far away, and friends turned out to be fair weather friends. But I do feel that here people truly care if you wake up tomorrow. I know I do. I can't say why, except that you say so well what I feel or have felt. What better person to emulate than Shakespere! I have no answers, no great wisedom, but I do care. I can not take the place of family, and boy oh boy do I know that feeling of alone and forgotten. All the years of volunteer work, and then when I could not do it any more, no one calls. I fear that I could pass on and only be found when the rent was due. You say so very well how I feel and I'm sure we are not alone in that. How ever long you feel undeceided and forgotten, I will try to say something, though I fear I'm not the Thespein you are. Be it one word or more I'll virtualy be there with you. Whatever you deceid.

Thank you, Sidestepper, for your very kind encouragement. Yes, I have a lot of trust in my PC friends. Also, peer consumers understand what my relatives do not . . . they know how it feels to feel head-sick. Even professionals don't really know what it's like, most of the time. Again, I have to say, thank you, and I'm pleased to hear that I may have given good expression to what you, and others, may have felt. You, yourself, have given very good expression to my pain. I just went over to the Psych Hospital. I saw 2 triage nurses and one nurse practitioner. I was wanting to get admitted. They said I did not meet the "criteria," which is true. I know because I am a nurse.

Even if they had taken me in, I don't know that being there, even for a week or two, would have made me feel better. I just am very depressed and feel like I'm struggling alone with more than one person should have to cope with. Still, I guess people cope with worse, and that is probably what the staff has seen. (Like homeless psychotics, that I've seen them discharge right onto the street.) Mostly, all my life, I worked geriatrics, but I did a few years of correctional and pscych nursing, and I would say that a person can almost be better off in jail. In fact, when I worked at the jail, I had, on 2 occasions, interviewed homeless males who threatened to harm themselves if they were NOT kept in the jail. In the first instance, I sent a note for security to take to the court. That got one of the social workers all ticked off at me. Funny, I just now remembered more clearly what was the upshot.(which I had forgot) The judge did read the note and did sent the detainee back to the jail and it was "understood" that we were to hang on to him for awhile, which did happen, and he did improve.

Sorry to be rambling on. Thanks all. I think I'm okay for now.

Well, it makes me want to laugh a bit at myself to see how I just can't seem to stop once I get going.

I am just stepping back to say, maybe like Byzantine told me, I should print off some of my posts to take to the pdoc. (But I would have to go to Kinko's.) Funny, I should be able to help myself at least as much as I helped that inmate. Now I really am crying. Also, I noticed that ones of my note somewhere else seemed manic, which I never thought I was. I do think I have a history of being hypomanic, or cyclothymic. But now I am so depressed I don't get those episodes, which were really great for getting caught up on neglected stuff. I feel like I'll never get caught up.

Believe in your self, you will get caught up, and your meds ill get worked out. A funny thing I used to be a CNA(cetified Nursing Asst) to put myself though school, I too worked mostly in geriatrics! Don't know why, it was just my favorite floor. Then ironicly I ended up becoming a counselor, before ended up on the other side of the"couch"

I am severely depressed (score of 72 on the quiz). They made the right decision in not admitting me when I went to the psych hospital I do not meet the criteria. I'm not a danger to myself at this time. Being in there would have been depressing.

I understand the legal obligation to intervene when someone is dangerous. There is no such obligation to intervene because one is severely depressed. I mean you get your scripts and go home and tough it out. I've had a lifetime of that. This is not like in the past. I don't seem to care what happens to me. Surely, I will pay some awful price for this.