[LittleForgetMeNot]

Just wondering. For a couple days now I've wanted to post things, and as soon as I'd finish I'd say "no this isn't important" and delete it. Even in therapy there are things I won't mention because I feel they aren't important.. and even if they are, I somehow don't want them to be. I want my depression and feelings to be the result of a vitamin deficiency or of things I know for a fact that happened, or even just puberty. There are things in my past that I wonder about, worry about repressed memories or stuff like that but I keep saying not to get into it because it isn't important.

Is it really that important to be honest with yourself, to let yourself get curious and dig through the past..? I don't want to do so much digging that maybe I remember something and realize that my mother's boyfriends were more than just pushy, rude jerks without a face in my memory. I'd rather not know.. But when I went to my Dad about something I was worried about in my past he told me not to force myself to remember anything if it isn't there. This might've been a bad way to word some reassuring advice but.. It made me worry if there really is something I should be concerned about, but even if there is, should I even bother concerning myself about it if I don't remember?

[Gilead]

Originally Posted by LittleForgetMeNot

Just wondering. For a couple days now I've wanted to post things, and as soon as I'd finish I'd say "no this isn't important" and delete it. Even in therapy there are things I won't mention because I feel they aren't important.. and even if they are, I somehow don't want them to be. I want my depression and feelings to be the result of a vitamin deficiency or of things I know for a fact that happened, or even just puberty. There are things in my past that I wonder about, worry about repressed memories or stuff like that but I keep saying not to get into it because it isn't important.

Is it really that important to be honest with yourself, to let yourself get curious and dig through the past..? I don't want to do so much digging that maybe I remember something and realize that my mother's boyfriends were more than just pushy, rude jerks without a face in my memory. I'd rather not know.. But when I went to my Dad about something I was worried about in my past he told me not to force myself to remember anything if it isn't there. This might've been a bad way to word some reassuring advice but.. It made me worry if there really is something I should be concerned about, but even if there is, should I even bother concerning myself about it if I don't remember?

LittleForgetMeNot,

I'm not an expert but I'd say if you can't remember it then don't worry about it. I might be tempted to bring that up in therapy though - you may as well get an experts opinion on how to approach it.

[Elysium]

It is ABSOLUTELY important to be honest with yourself!! Being honest with yourself is, however, different from pushing yourself to remember things, or digging to find things.

You are being honest with yourself in saying that you don't have the desire to dig and find things. That you don't want to know if something happened, and that you'd rather it be something as simple as a medical issue. A lot of us feel this way and struggle with this sort of fear/denial. After all....if it's just a medical issue then nothing bad happened right? If it's just a medical issue then we weren't hurt or abused and we don't have to move through that.

The thing with therapy is it's not necessarily about digging. As far as repressed memories go, if there is something there, your mind will remember it when it is time and a good therapist will not force that, as it should not be forced.

It sounds like you are already aware that there "may" have been issues in your past, but that you are keeping them walled off. This is fine for the moment....but one thing I've learned is that these things will continue to poison your life if you do not deal with them as they come up. I encourage you to share this post with your T. Tell them about your fears and your desires to deny things so you don't have to face them.

You are scared....and maybe you don't know yet how scared you "should" be because there seem to be some questions as to what may have happened to you in your past....and that in itself is scary. But a T will help guide you through the scary. They will stand with you in the face of the unknown and they will not "create" things, but be there with you when things may come up.

As difficult and painful as it is to face the horrible things that I have been through in my life....it has been much more beneficial to me to have a partner (T) who works with me and to face the ugliness and get it out into the light. There's relief there....yes, you need to push through the anguish...but there is relief.

Most importantly.....if you can't trust yourself, you will continue to find yourself in uncomfortable and perhaps dangerous situations. Learn to love yourself enough to care for yourself the way you deserve to be cared for. Learn to love yourself enough to put yourself first and help yourself heal. You deserve it!! And just because others may have raised you with, or given you messages telling you you are not worthy of healing or loving yourself doesn't mean that is true. It is absolutely NOT true.

You deserve to heal!! You deserve to know, when your mind is ready!! You deserve to be able to trust yourself and NOT have to lie to yourself.

It does hurt......but if you have T with you, they will help you process that pain and there will be relief!!

One therapist's perception:

http://discussingdissociation.wordpr...client-part-1/
http://discussingdissociation.wordpr...lients-part-2/

An article about the benefits of people doing the work in therapy:

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/dep...atment/MY00751

[madisgram]

i was told by my T, "if it doesn't manifest itself, we are going to leave it alone."

as for being honest with ourselves i feel we all have a slant on what we perceive. i do the best i can with my honesty about self. i do it in therapy too. otherwise how can the therapist really know who/what i am? but some things i may not even be aware of. i don't feel i'm being dishonest when that occurs. i just don't know about it.