Don't know where to put this, feeling unsettled

So for those of you who don't know me I was forced to go on a leave from school for over a year due to depression (in reality a bunch of stuff but officially depression). Now, I've been back at school for 3 successful semesters.

But I'm just so scared of so many things. I have no idea what I want to do in life... money stuff scares me. I'm so scared I will not have enough money to get by once I graduate. I'm so afraid that I won't be able to make a decision about what I want to do.

I have no idea where to start but it's time - and I always feel like I'm 1.5-2 years "behind" because of what happened to me. I feel like I'm substandard and no matter what I do those 1.5 years will haunt me forever, and maybe even worse symptoms will come back and I'll suddenly not be able to work or support myself. And my boyfriend of 3 years, we plan to stay together but he's got no idea for himself either - I wish he had a career plan so that I could muddle through without worrying so much


Dunno what I'm looking for but I get so scared and sad sometimes. I feel like a failure, and I want to run at high speed in the opposite direction...

I'm assuming you don't have a major in school? Has there ever been anything that really interested you? You will have to claim a major soon if you haven't already. What is your minor?

I've found that if I project into the future, I'll scare myself half to death. We aren't promised the future. All we have is today. If you stay in the here and now, you will find life much easier to cope with. Of course there are times when you have to plan, such as declaring a major ~ but that can even be changed. I can't sweat the financial stuff either, or I'll go mad. I take things as they come ~ and they seem to work out.

Try not to project. It will drive you nuts. God bless. Hugs, Lee

You are Not a failure

Quote:

I've been back at school for 3 successful semesters.

Those are not the words of a failure....you're doing great!

It's very hard to figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life, especially when you try to think in terms of 1 or 3 or 5 years from now.

Try thinking in short term goals, even if it's just like "tomorrow I will____"
There is no due date on when you have to figure this out.

I had no idea what I wanted to do when I graduated college. I had a degree in English Literature because I loved to read so it made for an easy major. I also had a teaching certification but found out I despised teaching. I got a job telemarketing after college because I love talking to people. that has turned into a successful career in human resources, but if you told me 20 years ago that this is what I'd be doing, I never would have believed you.

Take it a day at a time - it will make you worry a lot less and will help you realize your accomplishments.

I do have a major, a very very specific major but I'm not sure I want to continue in it. For a few weeks or even a month I'm convinced I like it and it's worth a try (not much money in the field), but then there's another few weeks where I'll wish I had never even begun the major and wish I had done something more general, and feel trapped because its so specific I can't change it without taking another 3 or probably 4 years just to "change majors".

moonbeam - thank you for your reply it's good to know you've been through so many different options and turned out with something good =)

((turquoisesea))

I went to college for many years, because I was so unsure what I could commit myself to. I think that I began at community college in the year 1995 or 96. For a couple of years, I tried hard to get through all of the necessary math classes. My interests were all in science & math goes with it, like it or not!

During my "math years", I first aimed towards nursing. I fell in love with microbiology and astronomy -- complete opposites! Thankfully, I was only in pre-calculus at this point, and still had to make it through calculus for both. I took some easy, fascinating psychology courses while I tried SO hard to get through calculus. Three freakin times! I couldn't do it. I looooved astronomy ~ but the chances of me ever getting to work at a planetarium weren't real good. Math has to be like a freakin second language in the astronomical field. Microbiology was fascinating too ~ but, that wasn't easy for me either. I had to work very hard to fully grasp the concepts. It took a long time for me to get better using the electron microscope! Sad, but true.

Psychology was just so easy for me. My fantasy throughout life has always been to help people. I didn't want to see kids make the same mistakes that I made early in life. I figured that I had a special "eye" able to pick up on what others often miss. My goal was to help the young, before they reached the feelings (and struggles) that I had suffered with for so long. So, I went with psychology. Got my B.A. in 2001 ~ and took a few years off to have a couple of kids before I went on for Master's degree and Doctorate.

As you know, life goes on. That was my turning point. Puting my education on "hold". I quickly lost control over my E, and fell into depression as I couldn't ever see myself going onto my Master's degree.

Now, we're in the year 2011 (I think). I'm not a school psychologist, like I had planned to be. I'm not a nurse, microbiologist, or astronomer. I don't work at all right now. What has followed me throughout all of these years though is a keen interest in helping others. In whatever way I can possibly help. I now aim towards educating society about Traumatic Brain Injuries and Epilepsy. Maybe, someday, I'll be a spokesperson for BI, and travel to educate as many people as possible. Whether or not I'm ever paid for these passions, I don't care. I don't need to be paid to gain the emotional pay. The same rings true for helping prevent kids living lives of misery. I cannot do it professionally (get paid), but that doesn't mean that my passion will ever die. It won't die ~ they are all intense passions of mine.

Sorry about the really long post. I just want you to be able to understand my perspective. I do not regret taking all of those classes in school. The time passed by anyway School can be made into a career too. Working in the offices was another great experience of mine. Try not to focus on the time, money, and what-if's years down the road. Try to pinpoint what you feel passionately about in school. What classes are a piece of cake for you? Are they that fascinating for you, or more boring & just "easy"? In what ways can you use the knowledge outside of a paycheck?

Try not to let income be your arrow to career. Just because the pay isn't the greatest, doesn't mean that you wouldn't LOVE your job. Trust me! Just like big money often doesn't mean that you will love your job. Let your strong interest/s be your guide. Because that passion is what gives you the energy to keep reading, writing long papers, researching, etc. You've got to have some passion in your chosen career to make a true difference in your own life.

Best wishes to you honey!