Why Am I Not More Assertive?

I'm not sure if this is where this goes, but it didn't seem quite right for the "Self-Esteem" board. A moderator can move it if it belongs elsewhere.

Anyway, I'm kind of mad at myself for something that happened last night. Much of the time, I'm pretty good about being assertive, but there are situations where I just am not.

My mom sent me some money to order pizza (I didn't ask her for it, but I appreciated it, because my boyfriend doesn't like to order pizza much, and I very rarely get it, even though I love it), which I did last night. I've ordered from this place (Papa John's) before without any trouble, so I didn't expect any. A little bit later, I get a call from the driver delivering it, asking for the location of my apartment complex. I'm really bad at giving directions, so I did the best I could. Our apartment complex is hidden, but the entrance has signs, and it isn't that difficult to find. We hung up, and some time went by, and I was getting irritated. Finally, he calls back, still needing directions, and I keep telling him he's got to be on a certain road, because there's no other way to get to the apartments, but he keeps asking about another road. I finally get him onto the road (he stayed on the phone with me for a long time, trying to find where to go), and eventually, he found the place. I told him where to turn to get to my apt., and he finally made it. I had been close to cancelling, and if he hadn't found the turnoff when he did, I would have. Aren't food delivery persons trained to know the areas well in which they deliver? Shouldn't they be?

I smiled when I answered the door, was really friendly, and told him it was all right when he apologized. I told him I know it can be difficult to find the complex. I even gave him the full tip I had planned, $2.75. He was nice and all, but I was actually very angry. But I didn't want him to think me a b****, even though I normally don't care if someone thinks that. For one thing, some food servers, cooks, deliverers and such are immature and will spit on your food or worse if they don't like you or you got mad at them (even justifiably), so I try not to p*** them off. I like Papa John's Pizza, so I want to remain in good standing with them. My boyfriend would have told him how he felt. I tell my boyfriend my concerns about food contamination (also a problem for my OCD, and, in addition, I don't want to get sick, but even if I don't, I don't want to eat someone's spit/snot/etc.), and he just says, "If they do that, then I'll sue them," or whatever. But the thing is, you may not know if someone does that, but they're more likely to do that if you anger them.

Anyway, the pizza was cold, so I microwaved it, but it's not quite the same as freshly heated, you know? While I feel my concerns are justified, I'm also angry at myself for not having said something or complained. And for having given the full (if any) tip. What do you all think?

I agree that the delivery driver should know the area. I probably would've done the same thing you did...just not say anything, even if I wanted to. I have trouble being assertive, too, especially when I want something for some weird reason. I doubt I would've given the guy a tip, though. But you did what you did and cannot change that...I'd just say this is just another lesson in life and next time you will do what you think is right.

I also have trouble being assertive and would list the exact same reasons as you. I also avoid confrontation in general which may or may not play a part in your situation. But for me, being assertive would be out-of-the-questionably difficult because of that, and if it did become a problem I would be afraid to call the same establishment again to order.

I think it is not that bad about being nice to the delivery guy. Maybe he was new and doesn't know the area yet, whatever, it sounds like he was at least trying to do his best to get there. (I'm guessing, I don't know his tone of voice or attitude while you were directing him) but it would be nice to be able to assert yourself for the fact that the pizza was cold. Especially a large establishment like Papa Johns would have policy in place for that... even if it isn't made as a marketing promise (i.e. "delivered in 20 minutes or it's free!) they would have some rules or guidelines for the managers since I would expect this to come up often.

I would guess that it would be even harder to call now "after the fact" but if this was very recent you might want to call to try to get a coupon for a free pizza or something. Maybe not a good idea as they may give an argument since you didn't call when it happened. But that may be a good goal to try if it happens again.

I think you did the right thing. If the guy got lost then he got lost. He called and got the directions, what more could he have done? Delivery people don't know every nook and cranny of a neighborhood. He may be new and still learning. You said yourself you don't give good directions and maybe he got confused. It happens.
If it happens again, just take a dollar off his tip and smile pleasantly as you say thank you. I agree with you with the not pissing off food servers. I don't think it's a good idea. You know what they say about getting more flies with honey then with vinegar.
You did the right thing. Stop second guessing yourself.