[noneedtoknow]

So, for anybody that really gives a .... well, you know.....
I have posted that I was going to be accountable to not taking all my meds and see how I did.
I actuallly had some stable time and talked with my Psych and we agreed I could go off my meds, with the idea that if I had symptoms of depression, etc I would go back on.
Well, I guess I found out my answer. Long story short, it didn't go well. I bounced all over the place-I felt like I was literally being "slammed" from one emotion to another-very extreme. Or as I described to to my psych, I felt all this energy that would go into a slot on a roulette table, then all of a sudden it would go into another slot and I kept on going to different slots (emotions, but extreme ones). He stated that I was, "rapid cycling" OK whatever.
I am back on meds and am frankly amazed at how much better I feel. I really didn't realize the difference for me of what it was like off my meds vrs on.
I didn't want to come on this site and say this, to be honest. I felt embarressed and stupid.
But today I thought, I said I would be accountable here, so I better get with it. So, here I am.
Where do I go from here? I don't know. For now I am ok. There is a part of me that really see's the difference. Theres a part of me that is still pissed that I am this way. I don't want to be.
So, there it is. Accountable.
For anyone that took the time to read-thanks.

Hello, noneedtoknow. I am glad you are okay now. I have learned the same lesson, more than once.

[wing]

Meds are necessary to manage BP, nntk. Like you and byz, I learned that a few times, too.
I'm glad you found the right ones.

[slowinmi]

I think it was brave and accountable for you to admit this to us. The fact that you held yourself accountable and talked about your experiment may help others to not repeat the same lesson. Thank you!

[OurLadysTears]

Did you just stop all of your meds cold turkey? I could imagine that would be a pretty extreme transition for your body and I'm not surprised of your outcome. I wonder if you would react differently if you were slowly weaned off of your meds? Maybe things would be better? I could be wrong, but it might work.

[noneedtoknow]

Originally Posted by OurLadysTears

Did you just stop all of your meds cold turkey? I could imagine that would be a pretty extreme transition for your body and I'm not surprised of your outcome. I wonder if you would react differently if you were slowly weaned off of your meds? Maybe things would be better? I could be wrong, but it might work.

I had tapered down some so there wasn't a huge change OurLadysTears. Who knows what would have been if I did it even slower, but it was with my doc's approval so.....
anyway, appreciate your thoughts.

[OurLadysTears]

Aww, well just was throwing some thoughts and ideas out there. Sometimes we can't avoid medication, as much as I hate to take anything myself! I hope all is well for you again!

[Fresia]

I am so sorry that the experiment did not go as you had hoped and that you might not have to have them as a part of your regime. I am glad that you have found some relief with them and that things are going better.

I have a hate/love relationship with my meds in that order. I hate being dependent on the them, to be level, to avoid the roller coaster, and to function. On the other hand, I love the fact that I have found ones for the moment that are working that do allow me to function and keep me from swinging so that I can function, and I do love functioning. I don't want to need them but know now from similar experiments that I do. Life is hard enough as it is, why struggle against something that can be helped. I consider them to be treatment like any other illness as someone with diabetes or high blood pressure would, necessary to make me the best/ healthiest I can be.

[silverbells]

Hi nntk:

I really liked THIS sentence that you wrote:

I didn't want to come on this site and say this, to be honest. I felt embarressed and stupid.
But today I thought, I said I would be accountable here, so I better get with it. So, here I am.

As others have said (and say so all the time on this site), reaching out is really hard, and you DO have to reach out to be accountable - but it's really hard to find a safe place to do so - you can get sideswiped really easily just by doing what you know is the accountable thing to do! And I'm finding (with enormous help from everyone here) that taking small steps to reach out, stepping back and seeing what happens, and then honoring myself by taking the time to process it all, step by step, is REALLY paving my way to move forward. Good for you! AND the fact that you're doing so and telling us all about it, makes me, for one, feel like I've got great company along my rather bumpy path! Thank you.

[noneedtoknow]

Originally Posted by silverbells

Hi nntk:

I really liked THIS sentence that you wrote:

I didn't want to come on this site and say this, to be honest. I felt embarressed and stupid.
But today I thought, I said I would be accountable here, so I better get with it. So, here I am.

As others have said (and say so all the time on this site), reaching out is really hard, and you DO have to reach out to be accountable - but it's really hard to find a safe place to do so - you can get sideswiped really easily just by doing what you know is the accountable thing to do! And I'm finding (with enormous help from everyone here) that taking small steps to reach out, stepping back and seeing what happens, and then honoring myself by taking the time to process it all, step by step, is REALLY paving my way to move forward. Good for you! AND the fact that you're doing so and telling us all about it, makes me, for one, feel like I've got great company along my rather bumpy path! Thank you.

Silverbells,
thanks for the post. Im glad that you feel like you have "great company" along your "rather bumpy path" Having that sense is huge! I hope all is going well for you as you continue to trudge your happy road!