There are a lot of hurting people here. And at times, I've been one of them. And I appreciate all of the support that I have been given and will be given.

However, there is a ignored segment here that I would like to ask everyone who is a regular to take a minute to help out. It saddens me greatly to see someone post and not get one reply. Sometimes they might gather in one or two. So many of us have been here so long and we just barge on in and ask for support. That's how we operate.

But there are people here who really do hesitate to ask for anything. It also looks as if there is a "group" of us who favor each other. And I believe it is because we're the more vocal and confident of PC and we don't mean for it to come off that way. Kudos disturbs me a lot because it is the same group of us who get all the kudos and hugs. You can look at kudos and it is a rotating group of the regulars. I'd rather never be mentioned in there again than to know that someone who needs it more than I do is being left out. I mean that from my heart.

I've asked this before and I'm asking again, please search out new posters and shy posters and show them that you really do care about their pain. Go back to your early days, when you didn't think you could live with your illness and remember how heartening it felt to get a PM or a hug or a follow-up on your posts.

We're all here because we have mental illnesses. Some of us are at different stages in our recovery and in our attempts to recover. The 12th step of AA says that we're at our best when we're helping someone else. (that's how I remember it) And I am at my best when I get out of my head and into my heart and do something special just because I want to...not because I have to.

It's almost Christmas. I want to make it special for a lot of people here and I am asking you to help me. Please assist me in searching out and offering a hand up to someone we don't know. Or someone that we may have noticed but didn't really see the big picture with them. It is truly better to give than receive.

love, pat

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

I personally would like to see Kudos gotten rid of ...When I first came to PC I did a hug to all of PC and stated very much what you have said that I did not want to miss people ....so I would rather just get rid of it..I think its inane at best.
It is a cruel on a mental health board to hug some and not ALL and who can keep up
Hugs then in their PM hug them on their thread hug them when they first sign in say a new memebers area UP TOP of the site .....I see a lot of cliques in here and have said that for some time...this is not new to me. So my 2 cents is get rid of it

Pat,

You have such a big heart and a deep compassion for people.

You are always welcoming newbies and offering your support, even when you are hurting. Thank you.

You have set a good example for me to follow.

I admire you for that and hope that I too, can be of help.

Petunia

[LMo]

Pat you are absolutely the best. Thanks for saying this.

[Lexicon78]

I also agree with helping the few that are being left out. A lot of the time I feel like I don't get much in way of posts on certain subjects. Like sometimes I'll get quite a few and then others that I really need the most support with I get very few posts. I think I've gotten kudos 3-4 times I've been here since I've joined and I've given myself kudos twice, so that only leaves 1 or 2 times in which I've actually gotten kudos from someone else. So maybe I'm part of this elite few that get noticed in certain areas. I'm not sure though. I know others get let recognition than I do, though.

Recently I've tried to post to everyone I see. Sometimes I have no idea how to go about supporting some people as I have no experience or knowledge of what they're going through or asking about so I don't say anything.

lexie, when i don't know what to say...i say so and i express my care and support.......that always helps me when someone does it for my weird posts.

[Overcastbutclearing]

In thinking there are a lot of hurting people here....perhaps it would be hurtful to some to not get that ONE hug from another member. Even if it isn't more then that one little hug that goes on record...it was something and it could stir a lost soul.
Amazingly you are taking an awful lot of time out to write about your unhappiness w/ a certain Forum then actually reaching out to those who are hurting.
We do not live in a perfect world. We never will be everything to all people.
What makes one person ticked off could completely amuse another.
We cannot make PC this perfect little Utopia....
We must learn and grow, hurt and feel pain, laugh and cry...but we must do it from our own perspectives understanding that ONE HUG could save a life!

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

For ME the only time the hugs meant much to be was when and is when posters are not replying to my serious threads...at least it was something..though they could do it in my threads....I have missed a lot of my kudos because it was in that area....and I was waiting in say a thread wishing for a reply....

I think the Kudos board should stay -

Im not one for alot of hugging from people I dont know so I don't mind that my name does not always appear in the kudos area.

I agree there are people here that I have seen that get that ONE hug and it brings them away from that danger edge. maybe only one step maybe more but it moves them back into their safety area.

Whether or not there are cliques or groups in the kudos area I don't know for I dont look for cliques when I need something or can give something.

There is nothing stopping people from posting ASKING for hugs in that area. I believe part of healing is knowing when you need something even if it is just a hug and asking so that the persons needs get met.

Just like in real life there are cliques for this and that be it in the workplace, at the gym, a persons neighborhood, and relationships and friendships. This is online yes, but the people behind the screnes are real life people so online IS going to reflect real life situations right down to personal views, preferences and friendships.

I don't think getting rid of the Kudos board is going to solve the problem of the same people getting recognized and hugged. Getting rid of that board just means the rest of the boards are going to end up of track of what they are meant for discussing specific problems and solutions for that message board and bogged down with hugs and affirmations. Ive been on and am on other sites where there is no kudos and affirmations board and they are all begging the people running them for one so that the threads stop going off topic.

and also that kudos board isn't only for hugs. It's called "Kudos and Affirmations" so its also for people to write Affirmations - quotes that help them get through the rough days or times. Getting rid of that board would mean getting rid of the affirmations too.

I see alot of affirmations in people signatiures and would love to see them posted in the affirmations that way when people want to see on that they remembered helped them one day they don't have to figure our who's signature line it belonged to.

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There is nothing stopping people from posting ASKING for hugs in that area.

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Oh, but there is lots that stops me asking for hugs.
It feels demeaning.
It feels like I am advertising my neediness.
There's a huge huge fear in just asking because of past expereiences and sometimes asking is far too much for me to do.
It doesn't solve the deep down hurt that no-one is prepared to reach out to me.
My inner thoughts go along the lines of, "If they really wanted to show me they cared, they would offer me a hug without my asking. If I ask for a hug I am putting pressure on them."

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It's called "Kudos and Affirmations" so its also for people to write Affirmations - quotes that help them get through the rough days or times. Getting rid of that board would mean getting rid of the affirmations too.

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I haven't seen any affirmations there. Have I missed something? I would have no objection at all to an affirmations board.

Just my confused thoughts - or some of them.

Caroline

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Amazingly you are taking an awful lot of time out to write about your unhappiness w/ a certain Forum then actually reaching out to those who are hurting.

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I have to correct you on this. I have seen pat do a huge amount of reaching out - she has helped me with numerous pms, she posts support to lots of people.

Don't stop the hugs - just stop the forum holding them being isolating to some of us.

folks, i'm not trying to start fights here. i'm trying to shine a little beam of light on what i see as a problem. i put the poll up to "take the pulse" of the community. i don't have the power to do anything here. i'm just trying to work on something that could improve PC and help some people who desperately need it. i've been one of those people, so i consider myself well-versed in hurt and being ignored. and i had to work hard to get where i am but not everyone operates the same as i do. and i don't operate the way the others do. please don't argue with one another about pain.

[(JD)]

I think also we need to USE THE SEARCH OPTION more and more. As the site becomes bigger, and more new ppl join, there's a tendency to repeat threads that already exist, etc. With relationship to the KUDOS forum, it's better to find someone's previous Kudo thread (for them) and bump it up one way or another, rather than begin a new one.

I agree with seeking out threads where there are few answers, but this is something I do when I am cognitively able to reach out... perhaps not all of you can do this, but try. It's ok to "just" Stop by and say you read the thread (as the count will show that, without any reply posted!)

This isn't to put anyone down, just a gentle nudge to share... some of us forget easily, need reminders, others haven't been on a support site before and just don't know!

TC

Thank you Pat for reminding us how it is important to share kindness and make others feel how much they are appreciate on this site.

We also have to remember that hugs, support and kindness are giving not only in kudos board but in other boards, pm, post and reply.

Please do not take the kudos board away!

Thank you Pat!

[inkblot]

It's sad, but true. No one should feel left out.

[Fuzzybear]

[SeptemberMorn]

Pat, there have been times when your thoughtfulness has bugged me, BUT most of the time I envy you your ability to step out of the "self-isness" we all tend to get into.

You've given me a personal nudge here and I appreciate it! Being a member of a support site, you've reminded me that I do need to offer that first hello of support. Like you, if I can't think of anything to say, at least acknowledge that I read a certain post.

As for the "cliques"... if that's what they are, there's no way of avoiding them. In a large community, people are going to gravitate to others of like-mindedness. I'd like to see that fact ACCEPTED instead of making it something it's not. My experience with "cliques" in high school or anywhere else for that matter, is that new members are NOT accepted or are publicly shunned. We don't do that here very often. The only time I've seen it happen is when someone really difficult to handle comes in. No matter how much support they receive, they continue with their "Yeah, but...!!"

Pat, speaking strickly for myself, first let me say that I really like you... IN SPITE of your "strange posts," your requests that I acknowledge a new member, etc. BUT what stands out far and above any of this, is your THOUGHTFULNESS and KINDNESS to those "forgotten ones." YOU, my dear, don't allow them to be forgotten! Thank you for that! Thank you for nudging us and making us aware that there are others who are in pain, sometimes greater than our own.

[SeptemberMorn]

Pat's post goes WAY beyond whether we should have a forum or not. If we're zeroing on A FORUM, we're missing the point completely!

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PAT SAID:

folks, i'm not trying to start fights here. i'm trying to shine a little beam of light on what i see as a problem. i put the poll up to "take the pulse" of the community. i don't have the power to do anything here. i'm just trying to work on something that could improve PC and help some people who desperately need it. i've been one of those people, so i consider myself well-versed in hurt and being ignored. and i had to work hard to get where i am but not everyone operates the same as i do. and i don't operate the way the others do. please don't argue with one another about pain.

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[SeptemberMorn]

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i don't have the power to do anything here.

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Beg to differ with you, Pat. Look what your post has started. That feels like "power" to me!

If, "we, the people," don't say anything about what bothers us about this board, then how are we going to make improvements? How are we going to grow if things remain static?

[Perzephone]

I've got to be perfectly honest: I completely ignore the 'Kudos and Affirmations' forum. It's just not for me. Someone had to PM me once when my name popped up there, and I did appreciate the sentiment, but... I'm just one of those people who don't read a forum unless it fulfils a need.

I am also guilty of not practicing random acts of kindness & senseless acts of beauty. Most of the time I don't have the energy & positivity (if it's not a word it should be) to reach out & {{{}}} someone. When I do, it's not its own separate thread, it's usually the header for a reply. I'd rather offer someone advice than just {{{{}}}} them.

it's a word.

[(JD)]

You don't have to do anything but receive a hug. (PS Perzephone you "popped up" there in the game)

not directed at anyone specific, just clicking on the last post in reading cause right now Im too lazy to find a place to fit this random thought...

I don't go around "hugging" just anyone partly because I have been taught in Domestic Violence groups, Rape Crisis Centers, and mental health groups that I and everyone else has their own personal space and regardless of the person (stranger, relative, friend and so on) should always wait to be asked for a hug and or ask the person if they would like a hug before giving hugs otherwise the giver of hugs runs the danger of invading a persons personal space and being considered an abuser because giving hugs without permission and or against a persons will is considered abuse.

Maybe the people who keep appearing in kudos for hugs and recieving hugs also follow this type of teaching so they are only hugging those they know for sure accept hugs because the person they are hugging has asked for one or more from them or have told them it was ok to hug them.

If I don't tell someone I want a hug or need a hug how are they going to know that its ok for them to hug me? They don't.

Yea its hard to ask for a hug. instead of expecting everyone to hug everyone so no one feels left out (because a person could accidentally hug someone who does not want a hug) how about starting and pinning a thread either here or in kudos or both saying I like hugs and then all the person needs to do is add their name to the list.

That way people will know who accepts hugs and doesn't and when people see someone who may need a hug they can look at the list and see the persons name on the list and feel comfortable giving a hug without feeling like they are overstepping someones space because the person needing the hug can't ask for the hugs.

This way those that need hugs get them, those that don't want them wont get them and those that give hugs will knoww its safe to give them and to who.

[pebblypoo]

Yeh, and the people who don't like to be hugged could be represented with a special avatar. Say, a cute little teddy bear with his arms outstretched standing next to another who is wielding an oozie? And the caption could read something like, "Go ahead, make my day!"

disclaimer: please take the above post in the manner in which it was intended (to be funny.)

LOL clint eastwood style avaitor cool. LOVE IT. lolol