Messed Up

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post since it deals with a variety of issues so feel free to move this as needed.

I was just released from the psych hospital after an extended stay and am having difficulty accepting some of the very negative implications of this experience. For one, my T--who I like and am beginning to trust--is considering transferring me to another T because I didn't call her before admitting myself to hospital. I know that I should have talked to her but was too afraid of bothering her at the time even though I was in a crisis. Second, I had to drop all of this semester's classes because I was gone for so long and felt that I would never be able to catch up. I know rationally that I can go back next semester but I also seriously worry about my mental state and feel incredibly embarrassed about what happened and am afraid of risking something like this happening again. Lastly, my parents were pretty shook up by the whole thing since it was a surprise to them and are promising to "take care of me" and essentially coddle me. I'm fairly certain that this will result in the abolition of any privacy I may have.

I know that I probably deserve a lot of this. I am on the right medication now and that has stabilized my moods, although it certainly has not fixed my problems. However, I am having real difficulty with the aftermath of the situation, particularly my mom's adamant request to open up with her and even attend family therapy. I am already in individual therapy and agreed to attend an intensive outpatient program after release from the hospital. But family therapy? My parents spent years denying and minimizing my problems and suddenly then want me to "let them in"? Frankly, I don't trust them. I feel like I'm being set up.

I just feel like I've ruined my life in so many ways and I'm not sure how to make everything OK again.

Sorry you feel so bad.....you certainly did not mess anything up or runin your life!!!!!. You did a brave thing to admit yourself to a hospital. You knew you needed help. That is courage. Sounds like you live with parents??? Thats always very difficult. They want to help, but it may not be the right thing for you. Working with your "T" might give you some ideas on what you can do for you and whether you want to include them in things.

Keep posting and let me(us) know how thing are going.

Thinking of you this evening;
Hugs;

Sorry you had to go through this. It is a traumatic experience being admitted into psych hospital. There's shame, stigma, and defeating feelings all over the place. You may also be feeling a little PTSD from even being in the hospital. Although it isn't a violent or extremely traumatic event it can feel very traumatic for anyone who is already feeling defeated enough to admit themselves. Don't worry about school, it will always be there and you can pick up where you left off when you get to feeling better. I hope your "T" doesn't transfer you I would think that'd be the last thing that she should do. Hope you gradually feel a little better. :-)

I am so sorry you're having such a hard time right now. I know you feel like you've messed everything up, but try to take one day at a time...or one minute at a time....I'm glad you are feeling stable on your meds right now...

It surprises me that your T is angry at you for seeking help at a hospital. Many T's would ask their clients to go to the hospital during a time of crisis.

It's difficult to have your illness interrupt your school. It did mine, but taking a semester off to get better is not the worse thing that can occur. Next semester you'll be healthier.

I'm so sorry to hear you've been through such a rough time. You need to be very open with your T about why you made the decision you did. Hopefully he or she will respect your wishes and not transfer you. I think that's really unfair for you to feel like you did something wrong. You sought help and took care of yourself. You don't have to do family therapy if you don't want to. You do have a say in what happens in your life even if you live at home. Let your parents know that between outpatient and individual therapy you have a lot on your plate and you might be open to it in the future but right now you are overwhelmed. Please don't beat yourself up for needing help. Being in a psych hospital can definitely be traumatic and there is a stigma that's not uncommon to feel after being released. Take care of yourself OK.

Thank you everyone for your support. I am trying to fight the negative thoughts which seem to intensify at night for some reason.

I talked briefly with my T to schedule an appointment. She didn't seem mad at me, though I still won't know if she's going to continue to see me until I meet with her. Unfortunately, that isn't for another week so I will have to wait for what seems like forever. My nurse practitioner assured me that I did the right thing which made me feel a little better. Still, I have a hard time envisioning a happy future for myself. I suppose that's one of the things I need to work on.

Hopefully, taking this time off to heal will help in the long run. Maybe I just can't see it yet. I will try to keep that in mind when I'm feeling hopeless.

Thanks for this suggestion! I hadn't even thought of that as an excuse. I mean, the intensive outpatient is equivalent to a part-time job. I don't need any more therapy. Seriously!

you're on the right path i believe, whoswho. keep the focus on YOU and your gaining healthy mental health. your parents should be excluded presently, imho. they may even be part of the problem! learning new skills in therapy and applying them to your life will produce satisfying results. hang in there. i started at the bottom of the well of life and now have found serenity in my life. we're here for you. i love your enthusiasm for taking responsibility to get better. it will happen. i offer you hope.

one day at a time, one step at a time, one "sigh " at a time... give yourself time. the problems didn't just show up suddenly. why rush school or any thing else. cin1