[kimthecatlover]

I really have to wonder why some kids and teenagers(and even adults)tease and make fun of those who are disabled, mentally challenged, emotionally challenged, mentally ill, homeless, obese, thin, or otherwise 'imperfect' or 'different'..what gratification does it give them? Why do some people have to be so mean and ugly as to pick on those less fortunate? Why is so 'cool' to some teens to make someone else feel bad? And why don't their parents do anything about it..teach their kids that teasing is wrong?

Sorry to rant, just that a carload of teens yelled out something nasty to me when I was waiting for a bus...those kids ruined my day with their nastiness.

[LMo]

I don't know, but I'm really sorry, Kim

[nothemama8]

ignorance, fear, stupidity, and parents

[kimthecatlover]

I think a lot of it is their parents' attitude towards those less fortunate...some parents don't think 'oh my kids could be listening' when they say something nasty about 'those kinds of people'..I think the media has to share the blame too...Some parents need to learn that their kids are influenced, good or bad,not by teaching but by their own examples!

i think everybody knows how it feels to be teased or looked down upon in some way at some point.

so...

why do people do it to others?

it helps them feel better about themself. because they get to count as part of the 'in' or 'desirable' group and part of it is... relief. relief about that.

i think that is sometimes why people who are picked on most (ie kids who are bullied at home) can often go on to be the worst offenders themseves (bullying kids at school).

i think there is also a point that we DO notice difference. to notice is normal.

but...

i think we are a little afraid of difference too.

fear.

i think that is why.

[jmo531]

I think it could be for a number of reasons.

I think people in general are afraid when they see something "different" out of their realm of "norm". Instead of just accepting that people are different they feel the need to mock it for whatever reason. I personally beleive that the ones that choose to mock are lacking in self esteem. Somewhere along the lines it brings them pleasure to make someone feel as bad as they do. You know, the misery loves company saying.

As far as people passing judgments or making comments about people with mental illness, I just think that is purely out of ignorance. I still truely believe that their are people out there that think it is "all in our heads". They reall dont beleive that it is medical. No one wants to understand what others go through, they dont care.

It is the ugly truth to this not so nice world we live in.

I have always brought my children up to know that it is wrong to mock or tease others. That is not to say that they never do it because they do. When I see it happen, I question them as to why. It is usually because it is something they are not familier with. I explain the best way I know how and that is usually the end of it.

[hillbunnyb]

Hi ktcl, This is a great question. I got ridiculed for wearing orthopedic shoes with white sox in 7th grade a million years ago. I was so blown away..... I had been in such pain I could barely walk before I got them, I could not imagine where this upper classman girl was coming from..... geezuz, who the f--- cares??? I managed to get off a snappy comeback (YAY) but I cried when I got home.

Once, riding the public transit bus in rural Northern CA, I listened to one man belittle another for being short. The short guy didn't respond. I was mortified and didn't know what to do. When I got up to disembark, I turned around to see sho the guys were. The a--hole was a scuzzy white 20 something. The litle guy was a 20 something Mexican, neatly dressed and groomed. All I could think to do was give the a--hole the evil eye.

Another time, same route, I caught the afternoon bus that hauled kids from a Christian School back home. All the way up the hill kids were razzing on a developmentally challenged boy. We're talking mid-teens here. Well, at the first stop coming into town, the boy got off and ran to cross the street in front of the bus, not seeing a car that was going at speed about to pass the parked and unloading bus. I had a perfect view as the car hit the kid and flew him into the middle of the road where he proceeded to have a seizure........ the kids on the bus who had been razzing him were beside themselves with guilt. (The boy turned out to be ok, didn't even break anything. Took the impact on his thigh..)

So, what have we got here?: Insecurity?, low self-esteem?, mis-directed anger?, fear of _____,?, ? Pretty crappy way to feel big and powerful if you ask me.......

[dottie]

Now this is up my alley. Many disabled children abuse their peers ..to get a kick of self-esteem. In that moment they are like any other child....and when coming across someone else who is disabled actually feel just fine...while they are doing it. Many of them put up a tough and united front as well.

I have seen small gangs of disabled kids punch or tip another child over in a wheelchair..and laugh and call names. Interestingly enough, when we would call their parents(of the bullies) we'd get no support at all. None.

It's all connected.

[SerenitysWave]

<font color="purple">I am sorry that this happened to you. I grew up being bullied and teased and it is very hurtful.

I believe that people do this out of their own fears and insecurities. I believe on the inside they feel weak, and afraid that one day they too may be disabled, obese, etc. and the nastiness unfortunetly gives them a temp. boost that makes them feel good about themselves. It is sad. </font>

[Zen888]

Hi Kim

Children and teens (some adults as well) can be (not all) very self-centered. And not realize or may not even care about the affect their behavoir is having on others.

Dubz

[tamzinrose]

It makes some small disgusting people feel better about themselves to insult others. It gives them more status in front of their equally disgusting and small friends. It's just one of those things.

[Maven]

Kim, I want to post on this more when I have time, but that probably won't be until Monday. I've been thinking about exactly what you asked for quite some time now.

notthemama8, that's the answer that first goes through my mind, but it's a dismissal answer. It doesn't answer why do these people (as you said, kim, it's adults, too) have no conscious or guilt about being so cold and mean? I mean, while I'm not saying this makes it ok, I could understand a little bit if they were responding to a person who'd done something specific to anger them. Mature persons strive to overcome the impulse to say something mean about someone which the person can't help or struggles with when that person angers them, and respond only to the thing that made them angry, but I "get" the urge to say something mean when someone angers you. But what I don't get is what makes a person, for no reason, yell something mean to, make fun of, physically tease/trip/harm, laugh at, mock, belittle, or intentionally hurt the feelings of someone who has done nothing to them. I understand it's supposed to be a way of making a person feel "big," better than another, etc., but they don't usually do it when around more mature adults and friends (although they will often try to do it "in secret," or behind parents' back with their friends). I know the standard psych answer is that they have low self-esteem, and that may be true of some, but it is not true of all. I have no doubt that some of these people truly believe they are better than others, and have way-too-high self-esteem.

I've seen parents on talk shows justify their children's teasing, or say they don't see/hear it, so they feel no responsibility to correct it. I would never stand for my child to be so rude.

[desirae]

I was once a stingy mean little girl when I was a teenager. Which isn't to long ago to be honest. I know from my own personal perspective when I was a kid, and when I was with my friends, I would do awful things like insulting people to look like a badass. I would make fun of vulnerable pretortured peers in school. It made me, who was a sad and hurt little girl, feel powerful.

I'm sorry this happened to you. Those boys were odvisiouly jerks, but most likely little boys with bad self esteems.

Desirae

[MacD]

I've come to believe that the biggest bullies are the most frightened of all....they tease and hurt others to "distract" anyone from looking at THEM....gosh, I wish I could tell this to every teen who's currently being bullied....it's the truth
grace

[kimthecatlover]

I try to be strong and ignore it or say something to tell them, politely, that I heard what they said and it's not nice...but sometimes when I'm home and in my room, I cry my eyes out...I have never teased anyone since I was about six years old, I was taught that it's cruel and does not make me a big shot. If I was caught saying something nasty to someone when I was a kid..I was told about it in no uncertain terms.

[kimthecatlover]

Even joke books like "Truly Tasteless Jokes" annoy me..and I think sometimes the media,especially movies and television, make teasing look okay and even funny...

[jazminerose]

kids tease because they don't know any better. they are either trying to pay back someone who teased them or they have never felt the pain of being teased. It is up to the parents to teach their children well. my mom always told me that if someone was being picked on, it was my job to be their friend-i believed her.

[CatWhispers]

I think a big part of it is the media, and second, as someone else pointed out, children learn from their parents. Sometimes it is so subliminal. Even if an adult says all the right politically correct things, what is a child really going to learn if he or she then sees the parent laughing at a fat joke on TV. Because bottom line, what counts in life is what you do, not necessarily what you say.

I live it myself. Not only do I have Tourettes Syndrome, I also am a large woman, and it's the latter that gets the most jibes. Next time you watch TV, or a movie, watch how many fat jokes there are. Watch how many "bad" characters they want to make look dumpy and stupid are overweight. Watch how many stereotypes there are ... whenever showing a large person they're shoving food their mouth. You never saw a skinny person do that? I have. More than the larger ones.

What's scary is that this is the last frontier. Why are we not included in "difference is good"?Take any of those scenes, which now seem the norm, and imagine it differently. How many scenes have you seen recently with a comical overweight person shoving huge turkey legs into their mouths and the food is dribbling down their lips while they talk, and it's okay, and funny to most. Take that scene, and switch it to a black person and a watermelon ... it would never even pass the censors. Or a disabled person trying to pick up the food, you get my drift. So what's the message? It's not only okay to make fun of fat people, it's better than okay, it's humor!.

And this goes all the way down to the kids, who are the most impressionable. The baby looney tunes have characters called the big butts who go into restaurants, need two chairs, and stuff their mouths with food. During the same cartoon they showed a cartoon about respecting the differences in others. Oh well.

I watched a series once about Henry 8th on A&amp;E a few years ago, and there were various experts here and there during the show explaining some of the history. In a segment where they were discussing how the people viewed the king, the narrator said something like he was very overweight, and since overweight people are so gross and disgusting, the people would make fun of him.

Think of the subtlety of that. She didn't say at that time in history people considered overweight as being unattractive (in fact, it was considered attractive, a point she never made). She said since they are disgusting, etc. Much of why people are taught to belittle is so sublte.

lBut there is one more I think is one of the strongest reasons, and that is the strong will always go for the weak. The tall guy makes fun of the short one.... the short one wouldn't dare make fun of the tall one, he'd get smushed.

Overweight people, people with disabilities, others in that type of situation, most of us have grown up with self-esteem issues. We are treated like 2nd class citizens because at times we feel that way. Most overweight people, when a comment is made, will actually apologize for themselves, saying they are on a diet, etc. Or the disabled might retreat. We ignore, and wish we could crawl into a hole.

And these weak, immature people who have low self esteem themselves know they can do this because nobody will ever call them on it. And then the peer thing sets in.....

There was one day I came out of a restaurant with a friend, and some teenagers were sitting on a car, and one of them made a rude comment about my weight. For some reason, I just had it. I was just tired of it, and of these people thinking it was not only okay to do, it was cool, and seeing me as a non-entity, and knowing I would just ignore them, not make eye contact, and slink away. I didn't.

I turned around, walked right up to the kid, stared him straight in the eye, and very calmly and politely said, "Excuse me, did you say something to me?" I thought he was going to die. He went so pale.

I'll never forgot this moment. LOL

He stammered and said, no he didn't.

I said I thought I heard him make a comment about my weight, and I was wondering why he felt that he had to attempt to hurt my feelings my making fun of me. Was there any specific reason for it, and I'd be interested in why he found it so funny.. And I stared at him waiting for an answer.

There were 4 of them, and you never saw such totally quiet teenagers your life. For the first time in my life THEY were the ones who wanted to crawl into a hole and die. And I was standing proud and straight. They just slouched and looked away, and didn't respond. I walked to my friend, we got into his car, and left.

Another time it was a group in a car while I was with my sister walking through a restaurant parking lot in a small touristy type area. I don't reember exactly what they said, but I remember it was nasty.

This time I took a bit different tactic. Because it was a touristy type place, there were a lot of cops around. There were two cops sititng in a car nearby, and they ignored it, because who ever does anything about that? It's okay to make fun of fat people. That's not trouble, kids will be kids.

I went over and explained I was walking with my sister to the restaurant and these kids in a car started makiing extremely rude comments about my weight.

I said that I knew the town depended a lot on the revenue that the tourist trade brought, and if this was how they alliowed their visitors to be treated, that wouldn't be a very good advertisement for others to follow. I said I would be hesitant to visit again if I knew I would be ridiculed.

The cops said okay, and I went back to my sister. By the time we got to the car, the cops had stopped the kids, and it seems they had beer in the car, and they were arresting them. he he he

So I learned a big part of the secret. They will think you are second class if you think you are second class, and they will never change their opinion. Why should they.

Once you look them straight in the eye, they have to acknowledge to themselves that you are a human being, and it makes it a lot harder for them to do it.

Interesting thing....the kids who were arrested (I didn't get them arrested, they did by having beer) yelled out and called me a bi*ch. But if you notice, bi*ch is in no way a weight related slur. Which means I changed their opinion of me from a stupid, ugly funny, fat nasty person to just a plain old nasty person.

Is that neat or what? LOL