[ashley22]

Hey guys! I was wondering if you tell friends and bf/gf about your mental health problems. About being in treatment and taking meds.

If you do? How do you know how much to tell, who to tell, what to tell?

The thing is I had a mental breakdown a year ago. It was after a very stressful event. I was hospitalized. I'm in treatment now, therapy and meds (antidep + mood stabilizer). I'm not sure if I should share this with people that I meet from now on.

I'm doing fine right now. And had no other symptoms. My doc says it probably was a "once-in-a-lifetime-episode".

So I don't know if I should leave it behind or share it.

Would love to know what you guys think.

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

I do not hide it but nor would I share it with a casual or new friend...Its like saying youre on your period why tell too much too soon..Now my close friends..few I have they knew all...Best of luck

[Rhapsody]

Dear Ashley,

I would only share with the people that are really close to me and very much involved in my life and has my best interest at heart.
I would only consider telling a b/f or g/f after the relationship has past the 6 months test & trial period... make sure they are here to stay for a while before you let them in.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[Raynaadi]

Hi Ashley and welcome. I know exactly what you mean about not knowing when and with whom to share your mental issues with. I'm an alcoholic and that's not something I readily wish everyone I meet to know. However, it's hard to hide it in some cases because it's SUCH a huge part of my life. My sobriety comes first above EVERYTHING else including loved ones, my job, coworkers etc. So if I'm hiding that part of my life, it's tough. I tend to just trust my gut on when I'm gonna tell someone. My coworker didn't know for about a month when he started working with me because I just didn't know how he'd react. But as I got to know him, it finally came out. My other coworker, I think I told her the day she started. I just knew when it was right to tell both of them. So for me, I guess it comes down to, will it make my life easier if they know this or not? If I think it will complicate matters, there's no need for them to know. As far as new friends go...I can't relate much because all my friends anymore are also recovering alcoholics. I don't meet many people who aren't anymore because I don't go too many places that don't involve recovery. Hope some of that helps. =)

~Rayna

[lostinfantasies]

When would be the moment in time to tell them though? If you never tell them and you've known each other for a while, they might think you can't trust them. If you tell them quite early on (or even late into the relationship), they might freak out and leave.

And, in regards to the freaking out and leaving thing, I really wouldn't blame them. Sometimes, it's simply not a case of how much they love you. They simply may not be able to cope.

[dottie]

Hi. My children simply cannot cope with my mental & physical illnesses. By their ostracizing me, it has made my illnesses almost unbearable at times. I will not be alive too much longer due to my physical illnesses. Diabetes being one of them. They choose to believe that I am already dead. So..I just do the best I can. I tell people about my illnesses, if asked. I am not ashamed of that which I suffer!!! And I don't have time for self-pity any longer.

Good luck!! God bless.

[Azalysa]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I would only consider telling a b/f or g/f after the relationship has past the 6 months test & trial period... make sure they are here to stay for a while before you let them in.

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VERY wise advice from Rhapsody. I made the mistake of telling my last relationship before the first six months and am now sorry I did. I broke it off with him for reasons not related to my disorder, but next time I will heed this excellent advice.

I used to be very open sharing my information at work. Fortunately all the jobs where I did this were in mental health settings working with counselors, so they understood; BUT if I was tearful or a little cranky that had nothing to do with my disorder (more hormonal - you know about that ladies ), someone would immediately say "Did you take your meds today?"

I am now in "corporate America land" and have not disclosed to anyone, not even my two best girlfriends that I've known for two years. Unfortunately I didn't know at the time I went out on disability that I didn't even have to tell my boss. Since I didn't know about that, he and my co-supervisor know and I sure wished they didn't.

[Beautiful_Pain]

I haven't told friends...and my family hasn't heard the down and dirty specifics. Just my husband and sister know everything.

[darkeyes]

I agree with Sleeps and Rhapsody,
Once you have told long time friends and/or partner, and you find them becoming distant, they aren't worth having.
What one can do to help them understand is to educate them about your illness, and mental illness in general.
There are some good websites, or you can even get pamphlets usually found in pdoc's waiting rooms, there are many sources you can use. So often there are people oblivious or in denial about the growing population that have some kind(s) of mental disorder(s). There are so many commercials and advertisments found in so many magazines about mental illness and medications now being used, this is due to the increasing knowledge of mental illness and treatments.
It is hard for me to believe that someone hasn't heard about all of this by now, unless they have locked themselves into some form of isolation from the world around them.
I personally feel that after someone learning about mental illness and then still do not want to stay with a friend or partner, is really not worth calling a friend. On the other hand, if someone has been episodic around them, it can make it more difficult to understand. If someone has had violent episodes, this can scare off friends, due to feeling awkward or threatened is something I would understand and then wouldn't hold it against them if they do decide to leave. There is just so much others can and should have to put up with. It is always a comfort though, if they want to stay, learn and help their friend or partner dealing with their disorder.
It also can become frustrating for them, if a patient refuses to follow their med regimen and treatment, there I can't blame them from distancing.
Sorry for the rambling, the most important thing to do is wait and see how they view mental illness, any chance you get to help them learn about it, may help prepare them for if and when you want to tell them.
I wouldn't tell anyone that is new to me,you do not have to, but do not ever feel badly about yourself, you haven't committed some sort of sin, it is an illness/disorder, just as diabetes, heart disease,high blood pressure, etc. things that require treatment(s).
I wish you lots of luck with this, and with your own health.
Please take care now,
DE

[Azalysa]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
What one can do to help them understand is to educate them about your illness, and mental illness in general.

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This is my life's passion. Due to my illness, I obtained a Master's Degree in Mental Health Counseling with the goal of destigmatizing mental illness, perhaps through speaking, writing, etc.

So when I do diclose, if the person has no or very little knowledge of mental health issues - they get "Aza's Introduction to Mental Illnes 101." Also, when I disclose, I usually get the reaction of: "But you always seem so happy!" Of course they haven't seen me when I take off work and deal with the illness.

Also, if I hear anyone making snide remarks about someone else being mentally ill, I jump in again and educate. Some people listen, fascinated; others could care less.

[Raynaadi]

I think part of it comes down to how much we worry about what people think about us. It's too bad, because if we had something like cancer no one would judge us the way they do with mental illness. I try to keep in mind that those who don't suffer from it, don't understand it, and no matter how much I want them to, they probably never will. The people that are worth keeping in our lives won't throw us away because of our problems...the ones that do throw us away aren't worth having in our lives anyway, even though sometimes it's hard to accept. My supervisors don't know about my alcohlism. I chose to keep it from them because I don't want to loose my job. Arizona is a right to work state, so the laws on equal opportunity are much more lax. Getting fired because of a mental illness is a possibility and you don't have much of a fight in it.....pretty sad.

[DaveyJones]

i've always been very open about myself, probably too much so. But I've decided that no one needs to know unless it's going to affect their life in a serious way....That DOESN'T include girlfriends, lovers, bosses and pretty much anybody else. If they're gonna move in, then we'll talk!

DJ

[(JD)]

In the military there's a term "need to know basis"... if they don't need to know, then don't share it. imo

[Peanuts]

In answer to your beginning question - I agree with others who recommend to take it slow when deciding to disclose your situation. Folks who have diabeties do not introduce themselves as hi I'm so and so and I have diabeties. That information is likely to become known as a friendship progresses. It is probably better to let new friends get to know you for you rather than to define you by your illness. ?? hopefully that makes sense.

That is a great approach you are taking by trying to educate those around you about mental & emotional health. I think that is the right thing to do. Having a child who receives special education services through the public school system plus private mental health services has certainly opened my eyes.

Where once I held no particular opinion I now have very strong opinions. I am still shocked at times by the ignorance out there towards mental health issues/illness. I also try to 'educate' others especially when I hear a snide remark. But it is not always easy - you put a piece of you on the line sometimes. I just try to be respectful but do throw out some facts or comments for consideration.

Keep up the efforts - if you can get even one person to start thinking about mental illness and what that means for persons struggling with mental health issues and what it means to their families - that is a wonderful start.

good luck

I treat my mental health like I do my physical and sexual health - its private and no ones business but the treating professionals. If I need to explain for example after punching out a significant other because a memory pievce was triggered I keep it very general - I am a survivor of sexual abuse and because of that have nightmares and mood swings when it happens either ask what I need or give me space to unwind and dont take it personally. its just a part of life and life goes on type attitude.

[January]

Hi Ashley,

I don't give out personal information to new people. If they want to know why I'm disabled, I just explain some of my physical problems which are more than enough! lol Actually, it's no one's business and I like to keep it that way. There are some of my rt friends who know, but I choose carefully with whom I share my most close secrets.

Cheers,

Jan

[jennie]

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ashley22 said:
If you do? How do you know how much to tell, who to tell, what to tell?

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It's difficult to know for sure how much to tell someone. Most people do not understand mental health problems.

With people I feel comfy sharing my past with, I'll mention there's been "trauma" in my life. Usually, that's enough to either open or close the door in conversations.

One of my counselors said to me, "It's none of anyone's business. You don't need to feel obligated explaining anything." That piece of advice has been very valuable to me in my recovery.

Also . . . consider your identity on this question. Do you see yourself as someone having a mental health problem? Is it so important you let everyone know that fact?

My recovery is evident every day that I redefine who I am. I try not to see myself as "sick" anymore. I don't want others to identify me as mentally ill either.

[Lexicon78]

I only tell people if they're really close to me, like a bf or a really close best friend. Otherwise it's basically on a need to know basis. But if they ever ask, I'll tell them the truth, though.