My Partner in Use

They seem to have stuck themselves and their problems on me. I live in an apartment complex and awhile ago made the mistake of hanging out, drinking, and using with a neighbor girl up here. After we put the kids to bed we meet each other, either here or at her place, and get high...drink,all sorts of things. She doesn't have a job or a car and is a horrible mother...but that was aside for a using partner. Now that I've been cutting back on my drinking and using and been staying home more she does nothing but calls, comes over, and begs for rides. I assume she'll come around wanting some money soon since all her bills have disconnects. She's probably really suffering because I was the one who supplied all the drugs and booze.

I want her and her husband out of my life. My husband and I are tempted to pack up and move away from this place just to get away from these users. If I tell her "NO" in anyway she starts crying and throwing fits and won't let me off the phone till she gets a good bit of time begging in. My life is hard enough and to care for another person who contributes nothing but a party partner is getting to hard. I don't know what to do.

I'm trying to rid this %#@&#! out of my life and get better...for my kids, my family and her coming aorund all the time is making it very dificult. It's putting a strain on my home....so frustrating

Just wanted to let you know I read and care. I'm sorry that you're going through this, when you're trying to make changes in your own life.

--splitimage

I'd first try changing my phone number(s) and see if she gets the message?

I had friends like that when I was young and one of them was found dead (a woman older than I was). Fortunately the other one and she were more buddies than I was with either of them and the other one was a guy so it was easier to break off. The woman was beginning to be a problem, like you say, wanting to hang out more than I wanted to and do things, etc. I was not happy that she died but I have to admit that it was a relief she was "gone".

Hi, hope you are well,

Why not try explaining to this lady the direction you are aiming. Tell her that you need her help in that you are trying to get & remain clean. I know that may not ring too many bells with her/him but at least you can cross it of the list and try something else. From past experience, getting away from people and their influences is difficult but very important.

You have no obligation lend money and gicing it to get rid of folk only makes things worse long term.

Be strong and I wish you succes, dont let the ^&%^(&*^ grind you down.

James

I feel for you. I too had people like that in my life. To get myself off crack, I had to pack up my bags and move--I changed my cell phone number and did not give it out--I just started over in a new area. It was such a relief not to have to deal with the type of people you are describing. If moving is not an option, the only solution you have is to stick to your word and not give in to her begging. Eventually, she will go away...I hope.

I think you are showing great compassion when you see that she is really suffering without your enabling her.

I understand your frustration and I hope this all works out for the best. More than anything, I hope you are staying clean and sober. For the sake of your husband, your kids and most importantly, yourself.